Thank you, Perpetual Fiance!

So apparently Perpetual Fiance has gained control in his own home. Instead of being BM's lapdog and allowing himself to be forced into continuing BM's chaos by making phone threats to DH, he has actually put his foot down. After BM's hysterical verbal beating on SS1 this afternoon, Perpetual Fiance left SS1 a message, letting him know that BM's behavior was inappropriate and that the boys should not be worrying about anything. He then intercepted SS2's call with BM to lay down the same ground rules. Finally! Don't know where this sense of clarity has come from, but the boys certainly appreciate the support. DH knows exactly what this man deals with on a day to day basis with BM, and we've always wanted to have his back should he need our support, but it has been difficult to help when he's made it clear he has been forced to protect his own parental interests with his daughter by doing BM's bidding.

Hopefully, Perpetual Fiance is realizing that only if BM is held accountable for her actions will she ever see the need to get help. (Hopefully for his daughter's sake, he's realizing this sooner than later.)

And the only way that is going to happen is if everyone that interacts with her gets on the same page with us and says enough is enough. Everyone needs to stop allowing her to make DH her scapegoat for why she can treat her children like emotional dart boards. The boys are not her personal therapists. The boys are not her friends. Last week she had the urge to fill some emotional vacuum in her own life by sending SS2 (14) a card that one would give an adult. And I quote "When you were growing up, I knew that one day we would talk like friends - like adults. Now that time is here..." HE'S 14!!! That time is not here, he's not done growing up, he shouldn't be talked to like he's an adult. Sadly, she's been treating them like her adult friends since they were very young. DH hasn't prevented BM from being a parent to the boys, she has vacated the role all on her own. And the only way she can reclaim any sense of parental authority with them after this summer's huffing incident is to take responsibility and reclaim her title as a parent.


But instead she thinks DH is just supposed to make excuses for her behavior and pretend it didn't happen? What kind of parent would he be then? And what chance would the boys have of making any sense of this world? And how safe would the boys be in her care if she is given no limits?


BM has caused enough pain in enough people's lives. It is time she gets the help she needs to appreciate the people in her life who want to see her have positive relationships with those that care about her. For the boys' well-being, we will settle for nothing less.

You'd think she'd learn...

Does BM really think calling the kids to swear, scream, and threaten makes them have a stronger relationship? Clueless and out of control. The boys are so over it. Will she ever understand that she is damaging her relationship with her children herself?

Over the hills, through the woods, it's off to court we go...

DH talked to the caseworker in BM's state. The case is still open. All the other times cases have been opened on BM, they have been closed in a matter of weeks. We are going on to the fourth month now. Obviously there is something else going on over there...perhaps the level of domestic discord in the house? ...perhaps prescription drug addiction? ...perhaps BM's unstable mental health? One can only guess, these are just the things we have experienced - who knows what goes on when the boys aren't there that we don't even know about. The caseworker made it very clear that she does not see the case closing anytime soon - that was all she would tell him. Confidentiality, ya know. WTF? DH is supposed to send two kids to her house and he doesn't have the right to know what is going on there?

DH filed the contempt petition (for the huffing) almost two weeks ago, he's still waiting on a hearing date to serve on BM. It will be very interesting to see how she reacts with the eagle eyes of CPS on her. He's asking the judge to suspend her parenting time (ugh, it makes me just want to gag using that phrase, she is so far from a parent!) until the CPS case is closed, and then require BM to petition the court to resume her time after copies of the report are furnished to the judge and DH, and after a hearing is held. I can't believe we finally have enough to take to court, and BM did it all to herself.

I'll keep you posted as we find out more. As always, the waiting game begins...