Spring Break Freak-Out

DH called BM in February and asked her what her plans were for the summer (last year they were supposed to be with her all summer, but she chose to only take them for 3 weeks). She stated at that time that it was up to the boys, so we told them that they needed to figure it out with her, but that if she asked for them to come down the whole summer than that was what would happen, since that is what the paperwork states (this is the first year we have allowed the boys to have any say in the matter (ages 13 and 15), but since last summer's trip went so poorly, we wanted the boys to be very clear with her about what the plans were). Over the next few weeks they hashed it out with BM.

BM had verbally agreed to SS1 going down for a month this summer, and SS2 spending the whole summer, minus a few days after school got out and a week before school started again. Flight reservations were made based on this, and the flight itinerary emailed to her.

Spring Break was coming up in April, which is not stipulated in the agreement as a time for the boys to travel to see her. She had called to have the boys fly out for the week, but after what had happened at Christmas and last summer, and especially since we had already made plans for the boys to visit to our former home state to visit both sets of grandparents, DH told her it wouldn't work out.

In March we get the following voicemail messages:

12:11 pm - Hey it's BM. I was looking over the, um, flight schedule that you sent me and I called the school and, um, they told me that the boys get off on the 20th and go back on August 27th. I mean, I think that's fair to, you know, have them come back a week early so they can get prepared for school, but since I can't get them that week, you know, you won't give me like one of the weeks, you know, they get one off in February and one in April now, and when we did that paperwork, you lied to me and said that because of school days they don't get spring break, and I think that's, you know, pretty low, so I'm not going to give up my week, you know, at the beginning of the, of the, um, summer vacation then, and, 'cause the paperwork says I get them all summer, so, you know, I'll give them that, that week before they go to school so they can pick out clothes and stuff like that, but I'm not going to give up the week, uh, before it. I get them such little time anyway, so, um, we're gonna have to work that out, 'cause it's in the paperwork that I get them the whole summer, you won't give me the weeks, uh, in spring, so I'm gonna take that week back, so, alright, I'll talk to you later. Bye.

BM actually gets the boys 5 more days a year with the current agreement than she did when she saw them every other weekend. How mature - you won't let me play with your toy, so I'm taking my toy back...jeez.

12:48 pm - I just don't understand why, you know, after you lying to me, all that lying to me, and, oh, and calling me a liar to the boys all these years, you know, you just can't give me a week, that I deserve, I DESERVE a week, when you are 50 miles away from a child, you deserve a week away, but no, me being, you know, taking your word for it, I signed papers for you and your wife to move up there with the boys, and you can't even give me a lousy week in the spring, I think that is pretty fucking lousy, now if you can't work that out, I want SS2 when he gets off, and you can send SS1 when he gets off, because that's how it's gonna be. I'm gonna get every frickin' day I can, with the boys. If you can't give me a lousy week in the spring, well, that's your fault then, and I'm gonna tell the boys that, that it is your fault, that you can't give me a week with them in the spring, so I'm making them come down a week early, 'cause I'm missing out on a week in spring. So, you can live with that, when I tell the boys that, 'cause it's YOUR fault, 'cause you guys are being selfish, and stuff, and your having to ask (dragonmctt) for permission on everything, frickin' ridiculous, hey, whatever happened to the balls that you had when we were married? God, she must have cut them off and frickin' put them in her purse. Man, 'cause you were frickin' balls when we were married. You didn't listen to a damn word I said. SO FIGURE IT OUT! Get SS2 back, over here, right when he gets out of school, and get SS1 out when he gets out.

It's interesting how you can see her winding herself right up. She really does believe that visitation is for her, not for the kids. She also projects all the time about lying, saying DH is the liar, when in fact it is her. I also find it funny that she says she never talks to the boys about issues from the divorce, yet she threatens to twice!

My favorite part, though, is the part about DH's balls. She can't stand the fact that DH and I are happily married and live our lives TOGETHER. When SS2 heard the message, he laughed and said, "She's always talking about your big, juicy balls." And then he shuddered, like any teenager (or adult, for that matter) would when thinking about a parent's anatomical parts.

2:15 pm - Hi, waiting for a call back, um, you know, you haven't answered me, why I can't have them for a week, you know, with them getting two weeks off in the spring, why is it that I can't have one of those weeks. You know, you haven't returned my call on that, and stuff, and so, I'm gonna have them the whole summer, then. 'Cause you're going by the paperwork, you can have them a couple days before, um, school, um, starts back up, but I'm not giving you the week after when school gets up too, if you can't even have the decency to give me an answer on that. So if we are going to go by the paperwork, I get them the whole summer, and you can have them a couple days before they have to go back. Your not getting them a whole week before they have to go back to school. You don't need a whole week. So. Give me a call back, it's all up, in your court, so give me a week in spring, when they have two weeks off, or you send them as soon as they get off of school, and you get them a couple days before they have to go back. So if you want to go by the paperwork, I'll go right along with the paperwork. So. Alright, talk to you later. Bye.

Is it just me, or does it sound like she is talking about arranging the schedule for a timeshare? It is almost as if the boys themselves aren't even in the equation.

2:17 pm - Oh, yeah, and by the way, I will tell the boys why that is and it's because you lied to me, and saying they had to make up their snow days during the spring, and they'll know that you also lied again, um, so, you know, it's up to you, you can fix it, or you can, uh, let them know, you know, just how deceptive you are, so, let me know, alright, bye.

Projection, projection, projection. Threatening to talk to the boys about it again.

2:23 pm - Over here, they're staying the whole summer then, if that's how it's going to be, you lied to me, and your going to be jerk about it, well, the boys will know that they're going to miss out on everything that they are going to be able to do this summer, because of you, because you wouldn't let me have them for spring break, that I would be entitled to, and you know damn well that's true, and I'm just gonna tell them, it's your fault, I'll keep them the whole summer then, but it is YOUR fault, because you lied to me, you know very damn well you did, so, do whatever you want, but I'm getting them the whole summer.

Projection, projection, projection. Threatening to talk to the boys again. And why are they going to miss out on everything this summer?

5:10 pm - DH called her back and tried to explain that only summer and Christmas were in the agreement, and that there had been no conversation about it, but she was too far in her rage to listen.

5:32 pm - Hey, have the boys call me as soon as they get home, 'cause I'm supposed to be able to get a hold of them whenever I want to, uh, I'm supposed to have direct contact with them whenever I want, you guys don't have a normal phone, I'm gonna go to the courts with that, um, and, that's gonna be changed, um, so they better call me right away. So, if you don't want me calling the court house, and causing a whole bunch of trouble, you better have them call me right away, 'cause they are going to know that you lied about this, and I don't care what you say to them, (chuckle) trust me, I'll make them believe it. And you know you lied about it, you know you told me there was no spring break, so, you know, everything that they are going to miss this summer, is all going to be on your shoulders, or should I say (dragonmctt), since you can't make a decision to save your life, so, you always have to ask mommy for everything, so, um, I'll talk to you later.

Yeah, we'll get those walkie-talkies implanted into their skulls right away! All she has is a cell phone - we at least have Skype that the boys can use whenever they want, with their own incoming number and voicemail. We actually got this so she could video chat with them, but has she ever got it set up? It's FREE! How much more trouble could she cause? (we're dying to get her into court anyway). Some more projection. The "I'll make them believe it" sent shivers down my spine. Didn't she just admit to being an alienator? Still don't get why she thinks the boys are missing something this summer. And finally, another dig at our healthy relationship, which ironically, is also a projection of her relationship with Perpetual Fiance (as we find out in a later email).

Since she stated numerous times that she would be discussing this issue with the boys (highly inappropriate), we figured we better give them a heads up. We told them that of course their dad and I discuss plans and how that affects the whole family, and that in good relationships, things are discussed together. We also let them know that if she states in writing that she wants the flight changed to all summer, that is what will happen. We discussed with them that we felt it was inappropriate for her to be discussing this with them, but that she wanted them to call her right away. She talks to SS1 for a whole 3 minutes, telling SS1 that he had to say DH was a liar, that SS1 was responsible for his grandfather's recent heart attack, and when SS1 refused to agree that DH was evil, she hung up on him.

These is the email that SS1 wrote to her after getting off the phone:

I was trying to get over my self to visit you this summer but you are forceing me to stay the whole summer because of something between you and my dad and putting me in it is pretty childish I mean we could not last 2 weeks and you think we will last the whole summer and trying to guilt me with grandpa that was pretty crul. I will always love you but I just can't handle this so until then this is it.

5:58 - That's fine, if SS1 doesn't want to come, that's fine, but get SS2 on a plane, I'll have all summer with him, so that's fine.

We let SS2 know that he would be going for the whole summer, which he was not happy with, since he wanted a week of summertime with his friends up here. SS2 is on the couch, and we tell him that he needs to call his his mom. He gives us a smirk and says, "I got it covered." As if he already knew he could manipulate her. And he comes out of his room 10 minutes later and says that he can come back a week early. Don't know what part of his soul he had to sell.