The boys always enjoy getting mail. Usually it is magazine from a subscription or a card from one of the grandparents. SS1 gets a card from BM's mom this week. Starts off really sweet, and then, bam! in for the kill. I had the blessed honor of reading out loud to SS1 because he couldn't make out the cursive handwriting:
Dear SS1, Grandpa and I hope you're enjoying your summer so far. Enclosed is a little spending money and a picture of our new dog, Ali. She's growing fast and we're having a lot of fun with her. I talked with your Mom today and she's very sad that you haven't returned her calls. She misses you and I hope you change your mind to visit her. Enjoy the summer and be careful! Love Grandma and Grandpa
(Grandpa did not sign the card himself, and probably had no idea what written in it.)
Puleese! SS1 was all excited about the pic of the dog, and when I read the card to him, he just threw the picture down on the floor of the car and sighed. Never mind the fact that he had already talked to BM (see "Can't buy me love, love" entry on June 26th). So either BM is lying to her mom about talking to SS1 or Grandma is really as ruthless as we have always thought. I don't understand why she can't be a Grandma to him and stay out of all the drama?
Her husband does a much better job, and SS1 loves him to death. He never brings up the drama or places undue pressure on either of the kids. In fact, I think a small part of him wistfully wonders what his life would have been like if he had DH's courage to leave. If there is one character in this saga we feel sorry for, besides the kids, it is Grandpa. Not only is his daughter completely irrational, his wife supports it and often acts quite similar. He has always been cordial to DH, especially so when Grandma or BM are not within earshot. He's told DH that he is happy our business is doing well, that he trusts DH's judgment, and when SS1 called to thank him for the card, he suggested that DH, SS1, Uncle B (family friend), and he go to a b-ball game together the next time they are in former home state. It is almost as if he wants to be able to be alone with DH to unload something. He recently had a heart attack, and maybe he feels there are still things he wants to say to DH. Who knows? I do know SS1 would love having his Grandpa and DH together with him again.
July 5, 2008
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2 comments:
That scenario sounds EXACTLY like the scenario we have with ED's parents. ED and her mother? Cur-ah-zee!!! But ED's Dad? Sane. Normal. And polite to us when he's not within ED or her mother's earshot.
What IS it with those folks?
Poor SS1. I can't believe the way people try to manipulate children to their own advantage. They should be ashamed of themselves.
You? Good job for stepping in and providing some sanity and normalcy!
Thanks, Stephanie! Isn't it weird how so many of our stories have common threads? I'm so happy I found this blogging community, because we really thought we were the only ones going through this, since none of our friends deal with anything even close to this.
Grandpa is very good for the boys. When BM lived in former home state, and the emotional fireworks were going off between BM and her mom, he would always take the boys out of the house and go fishing. SS1 especially really appreciated that and has a very close bond with Grandpa.
I couldn't image what he goes through on a daily basis dealing with BM and his wife. I think he just accepted years ago that there is nothing he can do to help either of them, so his strategy is just to stay out of the crossfire. There is a lot of emotional guilt being flung around by BM, she blames her parents for her "health" issues, merely because they gave birth to her, and she blames them for her losing primary custody of the boys because they told her the boys should be with DH when she threw her back out. She always brings up those two issues when she wants to get her way.
BM and her mom manipulate everyone to get what they want, I don't think they do it purposely to the kids, they just don't know any other way to function.
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