Unbelievable!
Before DH's case was assigned a GAL, I downloaded the list of state certified GAL's. Our GAL was not on the list. So, I figured she was just a new GAL and the state had not updated it's PDF file in a while. Called the GAL board of the state, and what do you know, not only is our GAL NOT certified, she has also had a complaint filed against her from another county. Of course the board cannot do anything about the complaint, because she is not certified and not under their jurisdiction.
My first thought is to the $500 we just sent this woman. Called bank, check had not cleared yet, but did not stop payment, because I wanted to get my facts straight first and not piss off our potential GAL.
So, I call the county that filed the complaint and talked to the clerk. She confirmed that a complaint was filed, but could not discuss because the case was confidential.
So, I call our clerk to find out if the county was in fact required to use certified only GAL's and if there was some type of "grandfathering" rule that had been applied to her. Of course our clerk was in court. By the time I got a hold of her around 3, the check had been cashed : ( The clerk stated that this GAL, as well as several others, are under review, to be held on Dec 15th, as the clerks office had as well become aware that there were certification issues, however the Marital Master had said to go ahead and use her anyway. I gave her the info for the other county clerk for her to call and see if she could get more info than I could. She suggested that since we knew all this information, we should go ahead and file a motion for a new GAL.
So, on the phone with our attorney. He is going to confirm all these facts on Wednesday, when the GAL board opens back up, and then file a motion to assign a new GAL. He is also going to ask that our current GAL be responsible for forwarding the funds to the new GAL. He called the GAL to discuss this with her and she just left us a phone message stating that there must be some confusion because of using her former married name, that she has been certified since 1995, and that she is unaware of any complaints.
She is another BM! Take any shred of factual information and twist it until you can no longer recognize it. First of all, the board has only been around since 2007, so how she could be certified with the board since 1995 is beyond me. Neither of her "names", married or otherwise, are on the list. And she is totally denying the complaint exists.
We are not calling her back until we hear from our attorney on Wednesday to see what he makes of the whole situation.
Of course, we have put ourselves in a precarious position, GOD forbid, the MM says we have to use her and we've started off on a very bad foot. But, I can't imagine with everything we know about her the MM is going to keep her on our case and risk us pursuing this further. This woman needs to be off our case - and I can't believe that we are the ones putting two and two together for everyone. Ughhhhhhh!
November 24, 2008
November 20, 2008
GAL Update 1
We made contact with the GAL. After she receives our check, she is sending us the paperwork we need to fill out for her to begin the investigation. I'll let you know what that's like...
Hell has frozen over...
...which is to be expected since it is 14 degrees outside right now!
We have not heard a peep from BM. I'm thinking it is because of the GAL. She's got to be on her best behavior to show that all the documentation we have could not possibly be about her. BM has never been able to not respond negatively to one of our letters. Do you think the judge would allow us to have a GAL assigned to us for the next 4 years? The GAL wouldn't even have to do anything, just be assigned to us, like a watch dog. Just close enough for BM to know she's watching! I would pay $500 a year for that service!
What do you know, still haven't received that letter she said she was sending agreeing to the boys flights! Thank goodness we got that temporary order - Saturday it will be 30 days before their flight. Who the heck makes holiday airline reservations that close?
Part of me is thinking that she is going to back out at the last minute, her "health" will be so bad she can't have the boys come out for Christmas. She'll get to run the boys through the "poor me" ringer, won't have to worry about anything bad happening during her visit that the GAL might hear about before the hearing, and she'll get to screw with us with the airline tickets (although I tell you what, if she does cancel, new reservations will NOT be made until she pays us the fees!).
Below are the last two letters we sent, which BM received this week:
Health Letter:
I received your phone message of November 3, 2008.
I understand your health issues are of great concern to you at this time. I am willing to help ease any stressful situations you may have to deal with in regards to the boys. Your need to manage stress due to your illness will no doubt make communicating regarding the boys’ welfare difficult for you. Any issues regarding the boys’ still need to be addressed, however. My proposed parenting plan speaks to this issue, by granting me sole-decision making responsibility. This will allow you to focus on your health and enjoy the boys’ time with you, without the additional stress of taking part in making major decisions regarding their care. If we are in agreement that this would be the best option due to your ongoing health concerns, we can both sign an agreement and I can file the agreement with the court, leaving the rest of the issues in the proposed parenting plan to be discussed at the next hearing. Please let me know if you would be agreeable to reducing your stress and managing your health this way.
SS1’s eye exam revealed that he has astigmatism, and needs a very mild prescription for reading and driving.
SS2’s consult with the orthodontist resulted in a discussion of 3 options. The first option is to do nothing regarding his overbite, as it does not affect his eating, nor does it cause him any discomfort, except for where his lower teeth touch his palate, for which he could get a retainer to prevent contact. The second option is the corrective jaw surgery. The third option is to use only orthodontics to correct the problem. Regardless, the second and third options would not be something that would happen until his jaw is close to reaching maturity and the orthodontist has a better idea of what will be happening with his front teeth, which would be in his very late teens, early adulthood. No decision will need to be made until he is around 17 years of age. SS2 will be receiving a referral to the surgeon so that the surgeon can evaluate his case and see if he is even a good candidate for the procedure.
In regards to the temporary order regarding transportation, the proposal was read to you in court, you agreed and the judge ordered it. While he may not have filed it yet, the order stands as of the date of the hearing. You are not required to respond in any way to my notification, however your lack of response in 5 days gives me the responsibility to select dates of travel. If you are now represented by legal counsel, please forward to me the contact information so my attorney can make contact.
Flight Letter:
As I have not received a written confirmation from you regarding the boys’ winter vacation flight within 5 days of your notification (November 3, 2008), per the court order of October 29, 2008, I have made the boys’ reservations.
SS2 will be flying as an unaccompanied minor (required by Midwest for children under 15 years of age). Only the person purchasing the flight can add pick-up/drop-off parent information to the reservation, so I will need you to send/fax me a copy of your current photo id that you will be using to drop SS2 off at the airport before December 20, 2008. SS2 will not be able to fly without this information included with his reservation. SS2 will have with him upon his arrival a money order/check written out to Midwest Airlines, which you will need to pay the $50 fee for SS2’s unaccompanied minor service (Midwest policy does not allow me to purchase this ahead of time).
The flight may also only be changed by the person purchasing the tickets, so if you do need me to change the flights for you for any reason, you will need to make sure that I have receipt of the funds required for the change at least 7 business days in advance of the new flight to allow the funds to clear my bank account. Another option would be for you to purchase a new ticket directly from Midwest yourself.
Please contact Midwest (414-570-7000) for information regarding security procedures, check-in/boarding passes, baggage requirements and fees for changing tickets.
The first paragraph of the health letter is designed based on a strategy in the book, "I Hate You - Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality" by Kreisman & Straus. The strategy is called SET and is discussed in Chapter 6 on Communicating with the Borderline. SET stands for Support, Empathy and Truth. Basically you try to smooth their feathers before you whack 'em with reality. At this point, we're willing to try anything!
I still can't believe she hasn't left a nasty message - I love the sound of silence : ) If it weren't winter, I could hear the crickets chirping!
We have not heard a peep from BM. I'm thinking it is because of the GAL. She's got to be on her best behavior to show that all the documentation we have could not possibly be about her. BM has never been able to not respond negatively to one of our letters. Do you think the judge would allow us to have a GAL assigned to us for the next 4 years? The GAL wouldn't even have to do anything, just be assigned to us, like a watch dog. Just close enough for BM to know she's watching! I would pay $500 a year for that service!
What do you know, still haven't received that letter she said she was sending agreeing to the boys flights! Thank goodness we got that temporary order - Saturday it will be 30 days before their flight. Who the heck makes holiday airline reservations that close?
Part of me is thinking that she is going to back out at the last minute, her "health" will be so bad she can't have the boys come out for Christmas. She'll get to run the boys through the "poor me" ringer, won't have to worry about anything bad happening during her visit that the GAL might hear about before the hearing, and she'll get to screw with us with the airline tickets (although I tell you what, if she does cancel, new reservations will NOT be made until she pays us the fees!).
Below are the last two letters we sent, which BM received this week:
Health Letter:
I received your phone message of November 3, 2008.
I understand your health issues are of great concern to you at this time. I am willing to help ease any stressful situations you may have to deal with in regards to the boys. Your need to manage stress due to your illness will no doubt make communicating regarding the boys’ welfare difficult for you. Any issues regarding the boys’ still need to be addressed, however. My proposed parenting plan speaks to this issue, by granting me sole-decision making responsibility. This will allow you to focus on your health and enjoy the boys’ time with you, without the additional stress of taking part in making major decisions regarding their care. If we are in agreement that this would be the best option due to your ongoing health concerns, we can both sign an agreement and I can file the agreement with the court, leaving the rest of the issues in the proposed parenting plan to be discussed at the next hearing. Please let me know if you would be agreeable to reducing your stress and managing your health this way.
SS1’s eye exam revealed that he has astigmatism, and needs a very mild prescription for reading and driving.
SS2’s consult with the orthodontist resulted in a discussion of 3 options. The first option is to do nothing regarding his overbite, as it does not affect his eating, nor does it cause him any discomfort, except for where his lower teeth touch his palate, for which he could get a retainer to prevent contact. The second option is the corrective jaw surgery. The third option is to use only orthodontics to correct the problem. Regardless, the second and third options would not be something that would happen until his jaw is close to reaching maturity and the orthodontist has a better idea of what will be happening with his front teeth, which would be in his very late teens, early adulthood. No decision will need to be made until he is around 17 years of age. SS2 will be receiving a referral to the surgeon so that the surgeon can evaluate his case and see if he is even a good candidate for the procedure.
In regards to the temporary order regarding transportation, the proposal was read to you in court, you agreed and the judge ordered it. While he may not have filed it yet, the order stands as of the date of the hearing. You are not required to respond in any way to my notification, however your lack of response in 5 days gives me the responsibility to select dates of travel. If you are now represented by legal counsel, please forward to me the contact information so my attorney can make contact.
Flight Letter:
As I have not received a written confirmation from you regarding the boys’ winter vacation flight within 5 days of your notification (November 3, 2008), per the court order of October 29, 2008, I have made the boys’ reservations.
SS2 will be flying as an unaccompanied minor (required by Midwest for children under 15 years of age). Only the person purchasing the flight can add pick-up/drop-off parent information to the reservation, so I will need you to send/fax me a copy of your current photo id that you will be using to drop SS2 off at the airport before December 20, 2008. SS2 will not be able to fly without this information included with his reservation. SS2 will have with him upon his arrival a money order/check written out to Midwest Airlines, which you will need to pay the $50 fee for SS2’s unaccompanied minor service (Midwest policy does not allow me to purchase this ahead of time).
The flight may also only be changed by the person purchasing the tickets, so if you do need me to change the flights for you for any reason, you will need to make sure that I have receipt of the funds required for the change at least 7 business days in advance of the new flight to allow the funds to clear my bank account. Another option would be for you to purchase a new ticket directly from Midwest yourself.
Please contact Midwest (414-570-7000) for information regarding security procedures, check-in/boarding passes, baggage requirements and fees for changing tickets.
The first paragraph of the health letter is designed based on a strategy in the book, "I Hate You - Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality" by Kreisman & Straus. The strategy is called SET and is discussed in Chapter 6 on Communicating with the Borderline. SET stands for Support, Empathy and Truth. Basically you try to smooth their feathers before you whack 'em with reality. At this point, we're willing to try anything!
I still can't believe she hasn't left a nasty message - I love the sound of silence : ) If it weren't winter, I could hear the crickets chirping!
November 13, 2008
Like talking to a brick wall...
So we sent the proposed flight schedule for BM to agree to. She received it on 11/3. She leaves DH a voicemail message about how she is tired of getting harassed by him, that she called the clerk and there is nothing filed from the hearing and he needs to stop sending her things, that she got "legal advice" and she doesn't have to put up with it, and that she is sending the confirmation back because she did agree to it (even though she doesn't think she has to since the paperwork is not yet "in the file").
11/7 - another voice mail stating that she is sending back the confirmation.
11/8 - her 5 days are up, no confirmation!
11/12 - still no confirmation, we book the flight. Since she has dragged this whole thing on for so long, the original flight on the 23rd is no longer available. So we can either have the boys fly at 6 am or the night before, either way they will miss school on the 23rd. So we opt for the evening of the 22nd. The return flight for SS2 was cheaper on 1/2 than it was for the original date of 1/4, and since she is getting an extra day on the 22nd, we opted for SS2 coming back 1/2. She's gonna bitch, but she had her opportunity to respond and she chose not to. So, in less than 15 days from the hearing, we already get to test out our order ; )
We'll be sending her the flight info tomorrow, I can just imagine the voice mails we'll get. The beauty of Midwest Airlines, though, is only the person purchasing the ticket can make changes. So she'll either have to send us the $ upfront, or purchase her own ticket if she wants to mess around with any dates. Thankfully, Midwest does not just automatically charge the purchasing credit card when changes are made, which was my fear. They do, however, have a stupid policy about not being able to pay the unaccompanied minor fee at the time of purchase. So, since SS2 will be flying as an unaccompanied minor on the way home, we have to send a check/money order written out to Midwest for BM to give to them before he boards.
Another interesting point about the unaccompanied minor issue is that only the purchaser can update the airline with the info for who is picking up/dropping off the child. The info must match the photo id of the person picking up/dropping off. Soooo, we have to get a copy of her DL to see what address she has listed. What do you want to bet it is still FormerHomeState? What do you bet she doesn't send us the info? SS2 will not be able to fly if she doesn't, so if we don't get it by the 22nd, he'll have to stay home. Do you think she'll push this envelope? - yup!
PS - the judge filed the order on 11/4, so even if we go by that date, she still did not make her 5 day deadline.
In his order, the MM states: The court assumes her objection to the Petition of Modification, but she will be required to file a written Answer to the allegations in that Petition.
Do you think she will file it? Nope.
MM also states: She is requested to file her updated Financial Affidavit, Proposed Parenting Plan, and Pretrial Statement in advance of the pretrial conference. She is reminded that when she files something with the court she is required by Rule to mail a copy to counsel for Mr. DH, and required to certify on the filing that she has done so.
Do you think she will do any of this? Nope.
And I hope it royally pisses the MM off.
Pretrial is set for 1/22, by which the GAL needs to have a preliminary report.
We also got the name of the GAL assigned to our case. I'll keep you posted on how that goes.
11/7 - another voice mail stating that she is sending back the confirmation.
11/8 - her 5 days are up, no confirmation!
11/12 - still no confirmation, we book the flight. Since she has dragged this whole thing on for so long, the original flight on the 23rd is no longer available. So we can either have the boys fly at 6 am or the night before, either way they will miss school on the 23rd. So we opt for the evening of the 22nd. The return flight for SS2 was cheaper on 1/2 than it was for the original date of 1/4, and since she is getting an extra day on the 22nd, we opted for SS2 coming back 1/2. She's gonna bitch, but she had her opportunity to respond and she chose not to. So, in less than 15 days from the hearing, we already get to test out our order ; )
We'll be sending her the flight info tomorrow, I can just imagine the voice mails we'll get. The beauty of Midwest Airlines, though, is only the person purchasing the ticket can make changes. So she'll either have to send us the $ upfront, or purchase her own ticket if she wants to mess around with any dates. Thankfully, Midwest does not just automatically charge the purchasing credit card when changes are made, which was my fear. They do, however, have a stupid policy about not being able to pay the unaccompanied minor fee at the time of purchase. So, since SS2 will be flying as an unaccompanied minor on the way home, we have to send a check/money order written out to Midwest for BM to give to them before he boards.
Another interesting point about the unaccompanied minor issue is that only the purchaser can update the airline with the info for who is picking up/dropping off the child. The info must match the photo id of the person picking up/dropping off. Soooo, we have to get a copy of her DL to see what address she has listed. What do you want to bet it is still FormerHomeState? What do you bet she doesn't send us the info? SS2 will not be able to fly if she doesn't, so if we don't get it by the 22nd, he'll have to stay home. Do you think she'll push this envelope? - yup!
PS - the judge filed the order on 11/4, so even if we go by that date, she still did not make her 5 day deadline.
In his order, the MM states: The court assumes her objection to the Petition of Modification, but she will be required to file a written Answer to the allegations in that Petition.
Do you think she will file it? Nope.
MM also states: She is requested to file her updated Financial Affidavit, Proposed Parenting Plan, and Pretrial Statement in advance of the pretrial conference. She is reminded that when she files something with the court she is required by Rule to mail a copy to counsel for Mr. DH, and required to certify on the filing that she has done so.
Do you think she will do any of this? Nope.
And I hope it royally pisses the MM off.
Pretrial is set for 1/22, by which the GAL needs to have a preliminary report.
We also got the name of the GAL assigned to our case. I'll keep you posted on how that goes.
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