Jeez, time flies! I have been thoroughly enamored with Mister M's new forum, www.thepsychoexwife.com/forums/, plus I haven't been wanting to post any info that is still in the works, just in case.
Here's what I can update so far (more to come at the beginning of April)...
Winter Break - BM finally emailed us the info needed for the airline - big surprise, she hasn't even changed her Driver's License yet (it is still from FormerHomeState, even though she has been living in her new state for almost a year). The engine for our car died when we were en route to the airport, so we had 5 of us crammed into a friends Jeep Wrangler to get to the rental place where we rented a car to get them the rest of the way to the airport. The boys took off as scheduled - whew! The flight back had to be changed because BM refused to drive in a couple inches of snow, but it worked out well in the end since the boys were supposed to come back on different days, so with the rescheduling we got them both back on the same day. There was some concern about whether their flight would be canceled, not because of weather at BM's location, but because of weather at ours. But thankfully the flight took off, slightly delayed. Of course we had to drive in a snowstorm that dropped 9 inches in order to get them at the airport, but whatever! At least they were home. The first thing both of them said when they got off the plane was how BM had taken their Christmas money which her parents had sent them and used it to pay her rent. Lovely!
Court Proceedings - right before the boys were to leave, BM contacted DH saying she wanted to see if they could come to some sort of agreement. She stated that she was fine with DH having sole decision-making, but that she wanted the boys to be able to decide when to come see her on their vacations (she has it in her head that the boys should be with her for EVERY vacation period, for the whole time, essentially giving them zero time to vacation with us or spend non-school time with their friends). DH responded that he would prefer to wait to see how the winter break vacation went first before discussing it with her. After the boys got back, DH proposed that the boys would meet with him, her and their counselor before each break and a decision would be made between them as to where the boys would be for that break. She would get what she wanted, which was the potential for the boys to spend every vacation with her if they wanted, and we would know the boys would be accountable for what they were telling each of us about where they want to spend their time. Win, win - you'd think? Well, she got completely paranoid, and said she wanted a comment put in the order that DH would not pay the boys their airfare money to not see her. WTF? We realized at that point that there would never be any agreement good enough for her, and we certainly weren't going to encourage her paranoia, so DH responded back and simply told her that he was concerned with her paranoia and that he felt it would be better to have a third party involved (the GAL). So we have continued on with the GAL.
GAL - Our request for a new GAL was awarded, and the pretrial hearing was moved to the end of March to allow the new GAL time to get everything done. It took us over a month to get our $500 back from the uncertified GAL! So thankful the futures of our children are no longer in that woman's hands! We didn't tell the boys about the GAL until the day he came, SS1 was surprised, but SS2 didn't bat an eye, because BM had already been "working" him about it. Big surprise. The GAL had already spent a couple hours with us, and spent about an hour with each of the boys. After the March hearing, I'll be able to update you on the complete irony about the GAL and what his report will include - I can't wait!
Money - Since SS1's birthday in October, BM has been promising to send the boys money. In fact, she promised SS1 $500.00. Yeah, whatever! So ever since October we have had to listed to SS1's dreams of how he is spending the money. Ugghhh! So after Winter Break, and the boys realizing she needed their Christmas money to pay her rent, it seemed they had gotten over the illusion that she was sending any money. So about mid-January, BM started in on the sending money again. She told each of the boys she was sending them $200. So everyday they would ask, "Did the box come yet? Did the box come yet?" Week after week went by and no box. Again, big surprise. Excuse after excuse, and finally SS1 got fed up. He told her he was planning a snowmobile trip with some friends and that he needed the money by Monday (it was Friday night when he told her this). So she finally sends the money Western Union. The hysterical part is that there was no snowmobile trip! It was SS1's way to finally call her bluff and force her to follow through : ) Not that I'm proud of him for lying to her, but I'm glad all the years that they have learned manipulation from her, they are finally using it on her! Even funnier is the fact that they were calling BM about twice a week to find out the status of their "money box", but now that she has sent the money, they are totally blowing her off. She really only has the most superficial relationship with her kids.
So that is about all I can update on right now, but I'll post more early April to let you know what happened at the pretrial hearing.
Showing posts with label 2008. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2008. Show all posts
March 1, 2009
December 13, 2008
Winter Break Update 2
On the 10th, BM leaves a message for DH saying that she has a solution for what is going on. We're not sure if she is talking about the copy of the ID we need or the whole court thing because she of course made the message as vague as possible to force us to feign interest by contacting her. So DH emailed her back a few hours later asking what was on her mind. NO RESPONSE. He even tried to Skype Chat her, but nothing. WTF? Why would you go to the trouble of making a call that you have no intention of following through on? She did have time to leave a message for the boys, though. Go figure. Sooo, 7 days left for her to get the info to us or SS2 doesn't go. I can't believe she is going to make this drama right before the holiday! After this visit, only 8 more visits to arrange and we are DONE!
DH and I had a good laugh last night. We were commenting about how she hasn't responded. We thought, 'She must have realized she was acting rational and called for psychiatric help!' Wouldn't that be ironic? She acts off the wall all the time, and a moment of some clarity scares the crap out of her and she commits herself because something is not quite right. We were rolling on the floor! Not that we in any way think mental illness is funny, just the irony of how some Borderline/Narcissistic types think there is nothing wrong with them and they don't get help, and that thinking clearly would be as strange for them as a psychotic episode would be for us.
DH and I had a good laugh last night. We were commenting about how she hasn't responded. We thought, 'She must have realized she was acting rational and called for psychiatric help!' Wouldn't that be ironic? She acts off the wall all the time, and a moment of some clarity scares the crap out of her and she commits herself because something is not quite right. We were rolling on the floor! Not that we in any way think mental illness is funny, just the irony of how some Borderline/Narcissistic types think there is nothing wrong with them and they don't get help, and that thinking clearly would be as strange for them as a psychotic episode would be for us.
December 8, 2008
Winter Break Update 1
Still no copy of her ID (to let Midwest know since SS2 is flying as an unaccompanied minor). She has until the 20th, but since it has been almost a month since we told her about it, we figured we'd send a reminder today.
Prediction of how this is going to play out:
We hear nothing from her until SS2's flight is canceled, then she will say she sent it/faxed it, but of course will have no proof of such.
Thinking we will probably have our lawyer call her around the 16th or so, to see if he can get anywhere with it.
If you only got to see your kids 2 times a year, would you not make a huge effort to make sure things go smoothly? I just don't get it!
Prediction of how this is going to play out:
We hear nothing from her until SS2's flight is canceled, then she will say she sent it/faxed it, but of course will have no proof of such.
Thinking we will probably have our lawyer call her around the 16th or so, to see if he can get anywhere with it.
If you only got to see your kids 2 times a year, would you not make a huge effort to make sure things go smoothly? I just don't get it!
November 20, 2008
GAL Update 1
We made contact with the GAL. After she receives our check, she is sending us the paperwork we need to fill out for her to begin the investigation. I'll let you know what that's like...
Hell has frozen over...
...which is to be expected since it is 14 degrees outside right now!
We have not heard a peep from BM. I'm thinking it is because of the GAL. She's got to be on her best behavior to show that all the documentation we have could not possibly be about her. BM has never been able to not respond negatively to one of our letters. Do you think the judge would allow us to have a GAL assigned to us for the next 4 years? The GAL wouldn't even have to do anything, just be assigned to us, like a watch dog. Just close enough for BM to know she's watching! I would pay $500 a year for that service!
What do you know, still haven't received that letter she said she was sending agreeing to the boys flights! Thank goodness we got that temporary order - Saturday it will be 30 days before their flight. Who the heck makes holiday airline reservations that close?
Part of me is thinking that she is going to back out at the last minute, her "health" will be so bad she can't have the boys come out for Christmas. She'll get to run the boys through the "poor me" ringer, won't have to worry about anything bad happening during her visit that the GAL might hear about before the hearing, and she'll get to screw with us with the airline tickets (although I tell you what, if she does cancel, new reservations will NOT be made until she pays us the fees!).
Below are the last two letters we sent, which BM received this week:
Health Letter:
I received your phone message of November 3, 2008.
I understand your health issues are of great concern to you at this time. I am willing to help ease any stressful situations you may have to deal with in regards to the boys. Your need to manage stress due to your illness will no doubt make communicating regarding the boys’ welfare difficult for you. Any issues regarding the boys’ still need to be addressed, however. My proposed parenting plan speaks to this issue, by granting me sole-decision making responsibility. This will allow you to focus on your health and enjoy the boys’ time with you, without the additional stress of taking part in making major decisions regarding their care. If we are in agreement that this would be the best option due to your ongoing health concerns, we can both sign an agreement and I can file the agreement with the court, leaving the rest of the issues in the proposed parenting plan to be discussed at the next hearing. Please let me know if you would be agreeable to reducing your stress and managing your health this way.
SS1’s eye exam revealed that he has astigmatism, and needs a very mild prescription for reading and driving.
SS2’s consult with the orthodontist resulted in a discussion of 3 options. The first option is to do nothing regarding his overbite, as it does not affect his eating, nor does it cause him any discomfort, except for where his lower teeth touch his palate, for which he could get a retainer to prevent contact. The second option is the corrective jaw surgery. The third option is to use only orthodontics to correct the problem. Regardless, the second and third options would not be something that would happen until his jaw is close to reaching maturity and the orthodontist has a better idea of what will be happening with his front teeth, which would be in his very late teens, early adulthood. No decision will need to be made until he is around 17 years of age. SS2 will be receiving a referral to the surgeon so that the surgeon can evaluate his case and see if he is even a good candidate for the procedure.
In regards to the temporary order regarding transportation, the proposal was read to you in court, you agreed and the judge ordered it. While he may not have filed it yet, the order stands as of the date of the hearing. You are not required to respond in any way to my notification, however your lack of response in 5 days gives me the responsibility to select dates of travel. If you are now represented by legal counsel, please forward to me the contact information so my attorney can make contact.
Flight Letter:
As I have not received a written confirmation from you regarding the boys’ winter vacation flight within 5 days of your notification (November 3, 2008), per the court order of October 29, 2008, I have made the boys’ reservations.
SS2 will be flying as an unaccompanied minor (required by Midwest for children under 15 years of age). Only the person purchasing the flight can add pick-up/drop-off parent information to the reservation, so I will need you to send/fax me a copy of your current photo id that you will be using to drop SS2 off at the airport before December 20, 2008. SS2 will not be able to fly without this information included with his reservation. SS2 will have with him upon his arrival a money order/check written out to Midwest Airlines, which you will need to pay the $50 fee for SS2’s unaccompanied minor service (Midwest policy does not allow me to purchase this ahead of time).
The flight may also only be changed by the person purchasing the tickets, so if you do need me to change the flights for you for any reason, you will need to make sure that I have receipt of the funds required for the change at least 7 business days in advance of the new flight to allow the funds to clear my bank account. Another option would be for you to purchase a new ticket directly from Midwest yourself.
Please contact Midwest (414-570-7000) for information regarding security procedures, check-in/boarding passes, baggage requirements and fees for changing tickets.
The first paragraph of the health letter is designed based on a strategy in the book, "I Hate You - Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality" by Kreisman & Straus. The strategy is called SET and is discussed in Chapter 6 on Communicating with the Borderline. SET stands for Support, Empathy and Truth. Basically you try to smooth their feathers before you whack 'em with reality. At this point, we're willing to try anything!
I still can't believe she hasn't left a nasty message - I love the sound of silence : ) If it weren't winter, I could hear the crickets chirping!
We have not heard a peep from BM. I'm thinking it is because of the GAL. She's got to be on her best behavior to show that all the documentation we have could not possibly be about her. BM has never been able to not respond negatively to one of our letters. Do you think the judge would allow us to have a GAL assigned to us for the next 4 years? The GAL wouldn't even have to do anything, just be assigned to us, like a watch dog. Just close enough for BM to know she's watching! I would pay $500 a year for that service!
What do you know, still haven't received that letter she said she was sending agreeing to the boys flights! Thank goodness we got that temporary order - Saturday it will be 30 days before their flight. Who the heck makes holiday airline reservations that close?
Part of me is thinking that she is going to back out at the last minute, her "health" will be so bad she can't have the boys come out for Christmas. She'll get to run the boys through the "poor me" ringer, won't have to worry about anything bad happening during her visit that the GAL might hear about before the hearing, and she'll get to screw with us with the airline tickets (although I tell you what, if she does cancel, new reservations will NOT be made until she pays us the fees!).
Below are the last two letters we sent, which BM received this week:
Health Letter:
I received your phone message of November 3, 2008.
I understand your health issues are of great concern to you at this time. I am willing to help ease any stressful situations you may have to deal with in regards to the boys. Your need to manage stress due to your illness will no doubt make communicating regarding the boys’ welfare difficult for you. Any issues regarding the boys’ still need to be addressed, however. My proposed parenting plan speaks to this issue, by granting me sole-decision making responsibility. This will allow you to focus on your health and enjoy the boys’ time with you, without the additional stress of taking part in making major decisions regarding their care. If we are in agreement that this would be the best option due to your ongoing health concerns, we can both sign an agreement and I can file the agreement with the court, leaving the rest of the issues in the proposed parenting plan to be discussed at the next hearing. Please let me know if you would be agreeable to reducing your stress and managing your health this way.
SS1’s eye exam revealed that he has astigmatism, and needs a very mild prescription for reading and driving.
SS2’s consult with the orthodontist resulted in a discussion of 3 options. The first option is to do nothing regarding his overbite, as it does not affect his eating, nor does it cause him any discomfort, except for where his lower teeth touch his palate, for which he could get a retainer to prevent contact. The second option is the corrective jaw surgery. The third option is to use only orthodontics to correct the problem. Regardless, the second and third options would not be something that would happen until his jaw is close to reaching maturity and the orthodontist has a better idea of what will be happening with his front teeth, which would be in his very late teens, early adulthood. No decision will need to be made until he is around 17 years of age. SS2 will be receiving a referral to the surgeon so that the surgeon can evaluate his case and see if he is even a good candidate for the procedure.
In regards to the temporary order regarding transportation, the proposal was read to you in court, you agreed and the judge ordered it. While he may not have filed it yet, the order stands as of the date of the hearing. You are not required to respond in any way to my notification, however your lack of response in 5 days gives me the responsibility to select dates of travel. If you are now represented by legal counsel, please forward to me the contact information so my attorney can make contact.
Flight Letter:
As I have not received a written confirmation from you regarding the boys’ winter vacation flight within 5 days of your notification (November 3, 2008), per the court order of October 29, 2008, I have made the boys’ reservations.
SS2 will be flying as an unaccompanied minor (required by Midwest for children under 15 years of age). Only the person purchasing the flight can add pick-up/drop-off parent information to the reservation, so I will need you to send/fax me a copy of your current photo id that you will be using to drop SS2 off at the airport before December 20, 2008. SS2 will not be able to fly without this information included with his reservation. SS2 will have with him upon his arrival a money order/check written out to Midwest Airlines, which you will need to pay the $50 fee for SS2’s unaccompanied minor service (Midwest policy does not allow me to purchase this ahead of time).
The flight may also only be changed by the person purchasing the tickets, so if you do need me to change the flights for you for any reason, you will need to make sure that I have receipt of the funds required for the change at least 7 business days in advance of the new flight to allow the funds to clear my bank account. Another option would be for you to purchase a new ticket directly from Midwest yourself.
Please contact Midwest (414-570-7000) for information regarding security procedures, check-in/boarding passes, baggage requirements and fees for changing tickets.
The first paragraph of the health letter is designed based on a strategy in the book, "I Hate You - Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality" by Kreisman & Straus. The strategy is called SET and is discussed in Chapter 6 on Communicating with the Borderline. SET stands for Support, Empathy and Truth. Basically you try to smooth their feathers before you whack 'em with reality. At this point, we're willing to try anything!
I still can't believe she hasn't left a nasty message - I love the sound of silence : ) If it weren't winter, I could hear the crickets chirping!
November 13, 2008
Like talking to a brick wall...
So we sent the proposed flight schedule for BM to agree to. She received it on 11/3. She leaves DH a voicemail message about how she is tired of getting harassed by him, that she called the clerk and there is nothing filed from the hearing and he needs to stop sending her things, that she got "legal advice" and she doesn't have to put up with it, and that she is sending the confirmation back because she did agree to it (even though she doesn't think she has to since the paperwork is not yet "in the file").
11/7 - another voice mail stating that she is sending back the confirmation.
11/8 - her 5 days are up, no confirmation!
11/12 - still no confirmation, we book the flight. Since she has dragged this whole thing on for so long, the original flight on the 23rd is no longer available. So we can either have the boys fly at 6 am or the night before, either way they will miss school on the 23rd. So we opt for the evening of the 22nd. The return flight for SS2 was cheaper on 1/2 than it was for the original date of 1/4, and since she is getting an extra day on the 22nd, we opted for SS2 coming back 1/2. She's gonna bitch, but she had her opportunity to respond and she chose not to. So, in less than 15 days from the hearing, we already get to test out our order ; )
We'll be sending her the flight info tomorrow, I can just imagine the voice mails we'll get. The beauty of Midwest Airlines, though, is only the person purchasing the ticket can make changes. So she'll either have to send us the $ upfront, or purchase her own ticket if she wants to mess around with any dates. Thankfully, Midwest does not just automatically charge the purchasing credit card when changes are made, which was my fear. They do, however, have a stupid policy about not being able to pay the unaccompanied minor fee at the time of purchase. So, since SS2 will be flying as an unaccompanied minor on the way home, we have to send a check/money order written out to Midwest for BM to give to them before he boards.
Another interesting point about the unaccompanied minor issue is that only the purchaser can update the airline with the info for who is picking up/dropping off the child. The info must match the photo id of the person picking up/dropping off. Soooo, we have to get a copy of her DL to see what address she has listed. What do you want to bet it is still FormerHomeState? What do you bet she doesn't send us the info? SS2 will not be able to fly if she doesn't, so if we don't get it by the 22nd, he'll have to stay home. Do you think she'll push this envelope? - yup!
PS - the judge filed the order on 11/4, so even if we go by that date, she still did not make her 5 day deadline.
In his order, the MM states: The court assumes her objection to the Petition of Modification, but she will be required to file a written Answer to the allegations in that Petition.
Do you think she will file it? Nope.
MM also states: She is requested to file her updated Financial Affidavit, Proposed Parenting Plan, and Pretrial Statement in advance of the pretrial conference. She is reminded that when she files something with the court she is required by Rule to mail a copy to counsel for Mr. DH, and required to certify on the filing that she has done so.
Do you think she will do any of this? Nope.
And I hope it royally pisses the MM off.
Pretrial is set for 1/22, by which the GAL needs to have a preliminary report.
We also got the name of the GAL assigned to our case. I'll keep you posted on how that goes.
11/7 - another voice mail stating that she is sending back the confirmation.
11/8 - her 5 days are up, no confirmation!
11/12 - still no confirmation, we book the flight. Since she has dragged this whole thing on for so long, the original flight on the 23rd is no longer available. So we can either have the boys fly at 6 am or the night before, either way they will miss school on the 23rd. So we opt for the evening of the 22nd. The return flight for SS2 was cheaper on 1/2 than it was for the original date of 1/4, and since she is getting an extra day on the 22nd, we opted for SS2 coming back 1/2. She's gonna bitch, but she had her opportunity to respond and she chose not to. So, in less than 15 days from the hearing, we already get to test out our order ; )
We'll be sending her the flight info tomorrow, I can just imagine the voice mails we'll get. The beauty of Midwest Airlines, though, is only the person purchasing the ticket can make changes. So she'll either have to send us the $ upfront, or purchase her own ticket if she wants to mess around with any dates. Thankfully, Midwest does not just automatically charge the purchasing credit card when changes are made, which was my fear. They do, however, have a stupid policy about not being able to pay the unaccompanied minor fee at the time of purchase. So, since SS2 will be flying as an unaccompanied minor on the way home, we have to send a check/money order written out to Midwest for BM to give to them before he boards.
Another interesting point about the unaccompanied minor issue is that only the purchaser can update the airline with the info for who is picking up/dropping off the child. The info must match the photo id of the person picking up/dropping off. Soooo, we have to get a copy of her DL to see what address she has listed. What do you want to bet it is still FormerHomeState? What do you bet she doesn't send us the info? SS2 will not be able to fly if she doesn't, so if we don't get it by the 22nd, he'll have to stay home. Do you think she'll push this envelope? - yup!
PS - the judge filed the order on 11/4, so even if we go by that date, she still did not make her 5 day deadline.
In his order, the MM states: The court assumes her objection to the Petition of Modification, but she will be required to file a written Answer to the allegations in that Petition.
Do you think she will file it? Nope.
MM also states: She is requested to file her updated Financial Affidavit, Proposed Parenting Plan, and Pretrial Statement in advance of the pretrial conference. She is reminded that when she files something with the court she is required by Rule to mail a copy to counsel for Mr. DH, and required to certify on the filing that she has done so.
Do you think she will do any of this? Nope.
And I hope it royally pisses the MM off.
Pretrial is set for 1/22, by which the GAL needs to have a preliminary report.
We also got the name of the GAL assigned to our case. I'll keep you posted on how that goes.
October 29, 2008
Oh, what a happy day!
TA DAH!
I'm back. We had a hearing today, hence the lack of blogging for about a month. Didn't want anything out there in the internet world, just in case.
The initial petition was filed to Register a Foreign Order. DH filed back in August, when we had concerns because she was threatening not to return SS2 from his summer visit. BM played the "the certified letter notices fell under my stairs" routine, so he had to have her personally served. Hearing was set for today. After SS2 came back, and we had to go through the drama regarding his medical care, DH decided enough was enough, and he filed a Petition to Determine Jurisdiction and Motion to Modify Court Order, along with a revised proposal for a parenting plan. He may not get everything he asked for, but he figured if he is going back to court, he might as well try.
So today we had no idea what the marital master (MM) was going to address. The clerk had told us that he would only hear issues regarding registering the order. We also did not know if BM would be appearing as she never returned the Notice of Appearance that she was served.
We show up to court today, and sure enough, she is appearing on the phone. The MM enters, swears everyone in, and off we go.
1) The first thing he addressed was jurisdiction (so glad DH filed that : ).
MM asks BM if she was in agreement that the boys had lived in OurNewState since May of 2007. She started venting about how HerNewState should have jurisdiction, and that she was in the process of trying to get that. So the MM asked her again, Ms. BM, do you agree... Finally she said yes. He asked her if there were any pending hearings in any state. She goes on again about how she was planning to get HerNewState to take jurisdiction. Again, he asks her if anything is pending, she says no.
MM asks her if she in fact moved to HerNewState at the beginning of 2008. Again she vents about how HerNewState should have jurisdiction. So the MM asked her again, Ms. BM, do you agree that you moved at the beginning of 2008... Finally she said yes...and then vents some more. MM explained to her that only OurNewState or FormerHomeState could possibly have jurisdiction. There are no circumstances where her state could claim jurisdiction. MM determines that OurNewState has jurisdiction. STRIKE ONE!
2) MM registered the order.
3) MM assigned a GAL. Total surprise at first, since we did not request it, but thinking about what we had asked for in the Motion to Modify Court Order (including her not slapping SS1 in the face as discipline and calling the police before giving DH a chance to get him home), it appears that MM read between the lines and understands how involved this situation is. Then BM acts all happy, and states that "all I wanted was a GAL", as if it was her idea. STRIKE TWO!
(She has no idea how horrendous this will be for her. Not only are we looking forward to her rambling on with accusations that don't make any sense to any rational person, we are so looking forward to speaking to the GAL ourselves and showing our documentation, as well as having the GAL speak to the boys. While we are aware that some GAL's just don't get it in custody cases where primary custody is being determined, chances are very slim that the GAL is not going to be able to see what is going on, since DH has had custody for over 8 years now and she is still acting the same way she always has, and we are sure that just as the MM has concerns about the case, the GAL will as well. Of course we will be stuck with the bill, since she is never responsible for anything, but the joy of us reading the report will be worth every penny.)
3) After ordering the GAL, MM asked if there were any other motions he should be addressing. We had a feeling that MM would not be addressing our Motion to Modify a Court order at this hearing, so our attorney presented a Temporary Order as follows:
Transportation arrangements for the children between the parents shall be as follows: DH will notify BM in writing the dates of the children's winter and summer vacations at least 45 days prior to the first day of each vacation. BM shall respond in writing within five days indicating the days she would like the children to travel to and from her residence, and DH shall make airline reservations for the children which conform to BM's request as nearly as possible. If no response is received within five days, DH shall select the dates the children will travel and purchase appropriate airplane tickets. If BM seeks to change travel times/dates selected through either method, she shall be responsible for all costs associated with said changes. If changes to the travel schedule are required due to inclement weather, both parties shall seek to cause the children to travel earlier than later, in order to reduce the chance of the children being required to wait at an airport for extended periods of time.
In order for SS1 to be able to drive while visiting BM, BM must insure SS2 on her own policy.
MM asks BM if she has any objections to the order and she says no! STRIKE THREE! What the heck??? That is all we asked for this summer, but it was too much for her to agree to. Are you kidding me? She's trying to look like the "cooperative" one, but voicemails don't lie! The driving thing we threw in because there is no way we are paying to have her car fixed with her lack of supervision. Plus our concern is that she could get in a wreck while SS1 was there and say he was driving. Who would the insurance company believe? Her or a 16 year old new driver?
4) MM asks if there are any other motions to be considered. BM pipes up and goes on a 6-7 minute tirade about me!!! How I send her harassing letters, how DH has to ask me if any changes are made, rattles off several of her medical issues, how she offered to pay to change the flight and how his petition makes her look like she was not financially able to return the boys, how she hasn't wanted to, but she has had to show the kids court documentation to "defend herself", brings up the issue about HerNewState should be able to have jurisdiction because of her health issues, blah, blah, blah. Even though he didn't physically do it, I could see the MM mentally rolling his eyes. As she never took a breath during the whole 6-7 minute rant, he was unable to get a word in, even after several attempts. He finally flat out interrupted her and said, "These are all things you can discuss with the GAL." He was probably thanking his lucky stars he had just assigned a GAL. Our attorney stated to the MM that of course we had rebuttal statements for the allegations she was making, but that this was obviously not the time to bring them before the MM. I swear the MM smirked the smallest of smirks and stated that DH's right to rebuttal would be ensured. MM then closed the hearing and walked out. Oh, happy day!
What makes us overjoyed is that we are sure BM is sitting there already thining of all the things she is going to tell the GAL. She is going to be so worked up by the time she talks to the GAL she is going to come off as completely off her rocker. She can't help herself.
She is going to drag up things from 10 years ago, from even before their separation, that has nothing to do with the boys' welfare now. She can't help herself.
Just as she leaves messages contradicting herself all the time, she will be unable to have a conversation with the GAL without doing that. She can't help herself.
Just as she (usually) starts off a conversation calm, she works herself up to the point that she is screaming/crying/cursing by the end. She can't help herself.
Hope this GAL is ready - it is going to be quite a ride. Finally, someone to share the chaos with ; )
Pretrial Conference will be scheduled within 90 days, so shortly after Winter Break. Do you think she can be on her best behavior for the whole 12 days of their visit (I bet not!). By the conference the GAL's report should be done, and we'll see where we stand. It should all be sorted out by summer, and DH is seriously considering asking for the boys to only go out there for half of the summer, since both of them have complained about the whole summer thing in counseling. We'll see.
We're hoping things will continue to be quiet, as we haven't heard a peep from her since she was served, but old habits die hard, and I'm sure she'll have to vent to DH about something!
It will also be interesting to see how she handles this with the boys. We didn't say anything to them about going back to court, but after she was served, she felt the need to call the boys and tell them that DH was trying to kill her (you know, stress and all those medical conditions). The boys came out of their room pissed and let us know what she said. SS1 also said she wouldn't be able to send him the birthday money she promised him because she needed to get a lawyer (funny, she appeared pro se today), and didn't even send him a birthday card. SS2 told us that BM had interrogated him almost daily for the rest of the summer about whether he had told DH about the emergency room visit, and he was getting tired of having to lie and tell her no, because he just wanted the rest of the visit to go smooth. I am sure that she will not be able to go for any length of time without telling the boys about the GAL, and what things they should "remember" to tell the GAL. I'm sure that won't make the GAL happy and I know it won't make the boys happy to have to listen to her regurgitate every hateful thing she has ever said to them about DH.
Whew - that was a lot. I'll keep you posted on any new developments : )
I'm back. We had a hearing today, hence the lack of blogging for about a month. Didn't want anything out there in the internet world, just in case.
The initial petition was filed to Register a Foreign Order. DH filed back in August, when we had concerns because she was threatening not to return SS2 from his summer visit. BM played the "the certified letter notices fell under my stairs" routine, so he had to have her personally served. Hearing was set for today. After SS2 came back, and we had to go through the drama regarding his medical care, DH decided enough was enough, and he filed a Petition to Determine Jurisdiction and Motion to Modify Court Order, along with a revised proposal for a parenting plan. He may not get everything he asked for, but he figured if he is going back to court, he might as well try.
So today we had no idea what the marital master (MM) was going to address. The clerk had told us that he would only hear issues regarding registering the order. We also did not know if BM would be appearing as she never returned the Notice of Appearance that she was served.
We show up to court today, and sure enough, she is appearing on the phone. The MM enters, swears everyone in, and off we go.
1) The first thing he addressed was jurisdiction (so glad DH filed that : ).
MM asks BM if she was in agreement that the boys had lived in OurNewState since May of 2007. She started venting about how HerNewState should have jurisdiction, and that she was in the process of trying to get that. So the MM asked her again, Ms. BM, do you agree... Finally she said yes. He asked her if there were any pending hearings in any state. She goes on again about how she was planning to get HerNewState to take jurisdiction. Again, he asks her if anything is pending, she says no.
MM asks her if she in fact moved to HerNewState at the beginning of 2008. Again she vents about how HerNewState should have jurisdiction. So the MM asked her again, Ms. BM, do you agree that you moved at the beginning of 2008... Finally she said yes...and then vents some more. MM explained to her that only OurNewState or FormerHomeState could possibly have jurisdiction. There are no circumstances where her state could claim jurisdiction. MM determines that OurNewState has jurisdiction. STRIKE ONE!
2) MM registered the order.
3) MM assigned a GAL. Total surprise at first, since we did not request it, but thinking about what we had asked for in the Motion to Modify Court Order (including her not slapping SS1 in the face as discipline and calling the police before giving DH a chance to get him home), it appears that MM read between the lines and understands how involved this situation is. Then BM acts all happy, and states that "all I wanted was a GAL", as if it was her idea. STRIKE TWO!
(She has no idea how horrendous this will be for her. Not only are we looking forward to her rambling on with accusations that don't make any sense to any rational person, we are so looking forward to speaking to the GAL ourselves and showing our documentation, as well as having the GAL speak to the boys. While we are aware that some GAL's just don't get it in custody cases where primary custody is being determined, chances are very slim that the GAL is not going to be able to see what is going on, since DH has had custody for over 8 years now and she is still acting the same way she always has, and we are sure that just as the MM has concerns about the case, the GAL will as well. Of course we will be stuck with the bill, since she is never responsible for anything, but the joy of us reading the report will be worth every penny.)
3) After ordering the GAL, MM asked if there were any other motions he should be addressing. We had a feeling that MM would not be addressing our Motion to Modify a Court order at this hearing, so our attorney presented a Temporary Order as follows:
Transportation arrangements for the children between the parents shall be as follows: DH will notify BM in writing the dates of the children's winter and summer vacations at least 45 days prior to the first day of each vacation. BM shall respond in writing within five days indicating the days she would like the children to travel to and from her residence, and DH shall make airline reservations for the children which conform to BM's request as nearly as possible. If no response is received within five days, DH shall select the dates the children will travel and purchase appropriate airplane tickets. If BM seeks to change travel times/dates selected through either method, she shall be responsible for all costs associated with said changes. If changes to the travel schedule are required due to inclement weather, both parties shall seek to cause the children to travel earlier than later, in order to reduce the chance of the children being required to wait at an airport for extended periods of time.
In order for SS1 to be able to drive while visiting BM, BM must insure SS2 on her own policy.
MM asks BM if she has any objections to the order and she says no! STRIKE THREE! What the heck??? That is all we asked for this summer, but it was too much for her to agree to. Are you kidding me? She's trying to look like the "cooperative" one, but voicemails don't lie! The driving thing we threw in because there is no way we are paying to have her car fixed with her lack of supervision. Plus our concern is that she could get in a wreck while SS1 was there and say he was driving. Who would the insurance company believe? Her or a 16 year old new driver?
4) MM asks if there are any other motions to be considered. BM pipes up and goes on a 6-7 minute tirade about me!!! How I send her harassing letters, how DH has to ask me if any changes are made, rattles off several of her medical issues, how she offered to pay to change the flight and how his petition makes her look like she was not financially able to return the boys, how she hasn't wanted to, but she has had to show the kids court documentation to "defend herself", brings up the issue about HerNewState should be able to have jurisdiction because of her health issues, blah, blah, blah. Even though he didn't physically do it, I could see the MM mentally rolling his eyes. As she never took a breath during the whole 6-7 minute rant, he was unable to get a word in, even after several attempts. He finally flat out interrupted her and said, "These are all things you can discuss with the GAL." He was probably thanking his lucky stars he had just assigned a GAL. Our attorney stated to the MM that of course we had rebuttal statements for the allegations she was making, but that this was obviously not the time to bring them before the MM. I swear the MM smirked the smallest of smirks and stated that DH's right to rebuttal would be ensured. MM then closed the hearing and walked out. Oh, happy day!
What makes us overjoyed is that we are sure BM is sitting there already thining of all the things she is going to tell the GAL. She is going to be so worked up by the time she talks to the GAL she is going to come off as completely off her rocker. She can't help herself.
She is going to drag up things from 10 years ago, from even before their separation, that has nothing to do with the boys' welfare now. She can't help herself.
Just as she leaves messages contradicting herself all the time, she will be unable to have a conversation with the GAL without doing that. She can't help herself.
Just as she (usually) starts off a conversation calm, she works herself up to the point that she is screaming/crying/cursing by the end. She can't help herself.
Hope this GAL is ready - it is going to be quite a ride. Finally, someone to share the chaos with ; )
Pretrial Conference will be scheduled within 90 days, so shortly after Winter Break. Do you think she can be on her best behavior for the whole 12 days of their visit (I bet not!). By the conference the GAL's report should be done, and we'll see where we stand. It should all be sorted out by summer, and DH is seriously considering asking for the boys to only go out there for half of the summer, since both of them have complained about the whole summer thing in counseling. We'll see.
We're hoping things will continue to be quiet, as we haven't heard a peep from her since she was served, but old habits die hard, and I'm sure she'll have to vent to DH about something!
It will also be interesting to see how she handles this with the boys. We didn't say anything to them about going back to court, but after she was served, she felt the need to call the boys and tell them that DH was trying to kill her (you know, stress and all those medical conditions). The boys came out of their room pissed and let us know what she said. SS1 also said she wouldn't be able to send him the birthday money she promised him because she needed to get a lawyer (funny, she appeared pro se today), and didn't even send him a birthday card. SS2 told us that BM had interrogated him almost daily for the rest of the summer about whether he had told DH about the emergency room visit, and he was getting tired of having to lie and tell her no, because he just wanted the rest of the visit to go smooth. I am sure that she will not be able to go for any length of time without telling the boys about the GAL, and what things they should "remember" to tell the GAL. I'm sure that won't make the GAL happy and I know it won't make the boys happy to have to listen to her regurgitate every hateful thing she has ever said to them about DH.
Whew - that was a lot. I'll keep you posted on any new developments : )
September 18, 2008
The test of her newfound "rational thinking"...
Letter being sent tomorrow:
I received your numerous and lengthy voice mails from September 9, 2008, however, none of them offered any solutions to the issues I asked you to respond to in my letter of August 22, 2008:
Please explain your plans to communicate in a more timely manner regarding the boys medical care, as well as your plans to ensure that in the future neither of the boys are stranded away from your home in BMHomeState without any means to return at the scheduled time and place.
This leads me to believe that you are unwilling to offer any solutions to the problems experienced this summer with your parenting time with SS2.
Enclosed you will find a letter which needs to be signed and returned to me by September 27th, confirming that you are in agreement with my proposed solutions to the problems. Upon receipt of your agreement, flight reservations will be made. Without your written agreement by the 27th, I will have to entertain other options to ensure the boys’ well-being during your parenting time.
Winter 2008 Flight Arrangements:
The first day of Winter Vacation is December 24, 2008. The last day of Winter Vacation is January 4th.
I would like SS2 to arrive _______________________ (date) and depart _________________ (date).
I would like SS1 to arrive _______________________ (date) and depart _________________ (date).
All Future Parenting Time, starting with Winter 2008:
Travel Arrangements:
I, BM, am aware that once I have agreed to flight dates, no changes will be made to original flight reservations. Any changes in dates/times/locations must be agreed upon in writing, and I am responsible for providing my own flight reservations and purchasing tickets. The boys will not travel outside BMHomeState, unless I have the financial ability to purchase tickets, or secure some other form of transportation, to ensure their return to OurHomeState on the date scheduled.
It is my responsibility to monitor the weather and determine if circumstances require the boys to leave early to avoid any flight cancellations, as I did during my parenting time in the summer of 2008. Should I notify you of such an event, you will be responsible for changing any flights to arrange for the boys travel back to OurHomeState.
Medical Care:
It is my responsibility to notify you immediately of any visits the boys may have to the Emergency Room or any other health care provider. If the situation is not immediately LIFE THREATENING, I will consult with you before seeking medical care. If the situation is life threatening, I will notify you upon arrival at the hospital, with a description of the incident, hospital name and phone number, and confirmation that insurance information has been provided to the medical provider.
Discipline:
I will notify you if either of the boys need to return to OurHomeState early due to discipline issues instead of physically striking either of them or seeking police intervention. You will be responsible for any changes in flight arrangements should such an event occur.
___________________________________ _______________
Signature Date
I received your numerous and lengthy voice mails from September 9, 2008, however, none of them offered any solutions to the issues I asked you to respond to in my letter of August 22, 2008:
Please explain your plans to communicate in a more timely manner regarding the boys medical care, as well as your plans to ensure that in the future neither of the boys are stranded away from your home in BMHomeState without any means to return at the scheduled time and place.
This leads me to believe that you are unwilling to offer any solutions to the problems experienced this summer with your parenting time with SS2.
Enclosed you will find a letter which needs to be signed and returned to me by September 27th, confirming that you are in agreement with my proposed solutions to the problems. Upon receipt of your agreement, flight reservations will be made. Without your written agreement by the 27th, I will have to entertain other options to ensure the boys’ well-being during your parenting time.
Winter 2008 Flight Arrangements:
The first day of Winter Vacation is December 24, 2008. The last day of Winter Vacation is January 4th.
I would like SS2 to arrive _______________________ (date) and depart _________________ (date).
I would like SS1 to arrive _______________________ (date) and depart _________________ (date).
All Future Parenting Time, starting with Winter 2008:
Travel Arrangements:
I, BM, am aware that once I have agreed to flight dates, no changes will be made to original flight reservations. Any changes in dates/times/locations must be agreed upon in writing, and I am responsible for providing my own flight reservations and purchasing tickets. The boys will not travel outside BMHomeState, unless I have the financial ability to purchase tickets, or secure some other form of transportation, to ensure their return to OurHomeState on the date scheduled.
It is my responsibility to monitor the weather and determine if circumstances require the boys to leave early to avoid any flight cancellations, as I did during my parenting time in the summer of 2008. Should I notify you of such an event, you will be responsible for changing any flights to arrange for the boys travel back to OurHomeState.
Medical Care:
It is my responsibility to notify you immediately of any visits the boys may have to the Emergency Room or any other health care provider. If the situation is not immediately LIFE THREATENING, I will consult with you before seeking medical care. If the situation is life threatening, I will notify you upon arrival at the hospital, with a description of the incident, hospital name and phone number, and confirmation that insurance information has been provided to the medical provider.
Discipline:
I will notify you if either of the boys need to return to OurHomeState early due to discipline issues instead of physically striking either of them or seeking police intervention. You will be responsible for any changes in flight arrangements should such an event occur.
___________________________________ _______________
Signature Date
Are you surprised?
She missed the deadline to offer any solutions. She left 5 messages on the 9th, each message filling up the alloted voice mail space, so she kept getting cut off and had to call back. I'd give you a verbatim, but frankly, I don't have the time or energy to transcribe over 45 minutes of ramblings. I'll bullet the major points of interest.
Mssg 1 (sick voice which turns into crying voice)
*she misunderstood about his thyroid, and only came to this realization after her father explained it to her (so glad someone in her world is paying attention)
*she has had to go through so much with her health and SS2 takes after her, so he must have health problems, so he should be tested just to find out (what a sick way to try to find common ground with your child)
Mssg 2 (sick voice)
*claims ER Dr lied in his report (yeah, like he had nothing better to do)
*said it was SS2's CHOICE to go the emergency room (who's the adult?)
*said it was SS2 that asked her not to call DH about the ER visit (funny, 'cause SS2 was the one that called us and told us about it in the wee hours of the morning)
Mssg 3 (voice coming back to normal, slight twinge of haughtiness)
*still bringing up the Spring Break issue (see previous posts for that bundle of joy)
*she lists the medications she has been on (this I gotta quote) "Look at the side effects of the medication I'm on. It causes 'roid rage, it causes psychotic episodes." (yup, she actually admitted it)
*she is no longer taking the medications, because they are obviously "causing too many problems" (again, no responsibility for her actions)
Mssg 4 (sick voice coming back, going full throttle into "feel sorry for me" mode)
*all her health issues are what caused her to "snap at SS1", "there are things, and SS2 saw it for himself, that there was unnecessary disrespect" (hell has frozen over, you mean all the things she denied ever happening really did happen?)
(she almost had me here, and then she lost it)
*neither DH or I understand what it is like to have a child grow inside of us, and they are part of her body (strange how we can understand how to relate to them and parent them, though)
*we took them away and ripped her heart out (odd how she doesn't remember fleeing the FormerHomeState with the children, which is what allowed DH to get Temp Custody in the first place, she had no problem ripping his heart out when he didn't know where they were for months!)
*it's just not fair that she has to miss out on them growing up just because of her health (she really doesn't get why she doesn't have custody of them! she really doesn't understand how HER actions led to what happened)
*she admits that we have done a good job with the boys and they are doing very well (finally, the recognition we have been living for, NOT!)
*she wants DH to stop sending her the letters by FedEx because she is off her medicine right now and she can "rationalize everything" (can't tell from these messages)
*she says the boys are part of "both of us" (so you mean DH did have a hand in creating them, they didn't spring virginally from "her body")
*it is going to be a better situation, now that she is not on her meds anymore (that is wishful thinking! she had these issues long before she became disabled and started taking her shopping list of medications)
*she's made mistakes and said things she really didn't mean (hard to tell at this point what things she means and what she doesn't)
*now she wants SS1 to come at least for a week so she can see him (you mean use as an emotional punching bag?)
Mssg 5 (very snotty voice)
*she can't imagine me having the "luxury" to go see a therapist just to deal with everyday life, and that I should have her problems to see what real problems are (hello, your actions are the only problems I need to see a therapist for)
*she wants to have a normal relationship with them, her health has come in the way, it is not her fault (the story of her life)
She really expects a free pass, as if DH is going to call her and tell her that she can do whatever she wants and treat people however she wants and we'll all give her an "excuse" note. She really thinks these messages show how she has a complete understanding of why things are the way they are, yet in fact, her comments only highlight how disjointed her reasoning is. The erratic changes in her voice, the contradictions from one minute to another, the continued fantasy that she is not responsible for anything, and yet deserves having everyone bend to her illogical thinking because she is the "mother". I used to think she was a spiteful person that spent her time thinking of ways to mess with us, and that one day she may get over it and things could be better. These messages have just confirmed for me that she does live in an alternate reality and things are never going to change. No matter what she does or says to hurt people, she will always see herself as the victim.
Mssg 1 (sick voice which turns into crying voice)
*she misunderstood about his thyroid, and only came to this realization after her father explained it to her (so glad someone in her world is paying attention)
*she has had to go through so much with her health and SS2 takes after her, so he must have health problems, so he should be tested just to find out (what a sick way to try to find common ground with your child)
Mssg 2 (sick voice)
*claims ER Dr lied in his report (yeah, like he had nothing better to do)
*said it was SS2's CHOICE to go the emergency room (who's the adult?)
*said it was SS2 that asked her not to call DH about the ER visit (funny, 'cause SS2 was the one that called us and told us about it in the wee hours of the morning)
Mssg 3 (voice coming back to normal, slight twinge of haughtiness)
*still bringing up the Spring Break issue (see previous posts for that bundle of joy)
*she lists the medications she has been on (this I gotta quote) "Look at the side effects of the medication I'm on. It causes 'roid rage, it causes psychotic episodes." (yup, she actually admitted it)
*she is no longer taking the medications, because they are obviously "causing too many problems" (again, no responsibility for her actions)
Mssg 4 (sick voice coming back, going full throttle into "feel sorry for me" mode)
*all her health issues are what caused her to "snap at SS1", "there are things, and SS2 saw it for himself, that there was unnecessary disrespect" (hell has frozen over, you mean all the things she denied ever happening really did happen?)
(she almost had me here, and then she lost it)
*neither DH or I understand what it is like to have a child grow inside of us, and they are part of her body (strange how we can understand how to relate to them and parent them, though)
*we took them away and ripped her heart out (odd how she doesn't remember fleeing the FormerHomeState with the children, which is what allowed DH to get Temp Custody in the first place, she had no problem ripping his heart out when he didn't know where they were for months!)
*it's just not fair that she has to miss out on them growing up just because of her health (she really doesn't get why she doesn't have custody of them! she really doesn't understand how HER actions led to what happened)
*she admits that we have done a good job with the boys and they are doing very well (finally, the recognition we have been living for, NOT!)
*she wants DH to stop sending her the letters by FedEx because she is off her medicine right now and she can "rationalize everything" (can't tell from these messages)
*she says the boys are part of "both of us" (so you mean DH did have a hand in creating them, they didn't spring virginally from "her body")
*it is going to be a better situation, now that she is not on her meds anymore (that is wishful thinking! she had these issues long before she became disabled and started taking her shopping list of medications)
*she's made mistakes and said things she really didn't mean (hard to tell at this point what things she means and what she doesn't)
*now she wants SS1 to come at least for a week so she can see him (you mean use as an emotional punching bag?)
Mssg 5 (very snotty voice)
*she can't imagine me having the "luxury" to go see a therapist just to deal with everyday life, and that I should have her problems to see what real problems are (hello, your actions are the only problems I need to see a therapist for)
*she wants to have a normal relationship with them, her health has come in the way, it is not her fault (the story of her life)
She really expects a free pass, as if DH is going to call her and tell her that she can do whatever she wants and treat people however she wants and we'll all give her an "excuse" note. She really thinks these messages show how she has a complete understanding of why things are the way they are, yet in fact, her comments only highlight how disjointed her reasoning is. The erratic changes in her voice, the contradictions from one minute to another, the continued fantasy that she is not responsible for anything, and yet deserves having everyone bend to her illogical thinking because she is the "mother". I used to think she was a spiteful person that spent her time thinking of ways to mess with us, and that one day she may get over it and things could be better. These messages have just confirmed for me that she does live in an alternate reality and things are never going to change. No matter what she does or says to hurt people, she will always see herself as the victim.
August 28, 2008
Response to BM re: Summer Chaos
SS2 has visited his primary care physician, whose information I supplied to you in a letter dated 8/6/2008. Below is a summary of your allegations and the actual facts.
Voicemail from BM, July 24, 2008 4:07 pm
...I had to take him in because it swelled up his airway...it doesn’t look like it went down to normal...when he was 10 he was supposed to have either a barium swallow or a bronchioscope, but they put a scope down and he couldn’t get down far enough with it, and said he needs to have it done...
SS2’s airway was wide open, all structures were of normal appearance, there was no difficulty during the exam with the scope. This information is from Dr. ER’s report.
Dr. ER did not say that SS2 needed to have any tests done. The following are direct quotes from an email Dr. ER sent to me, dated 8/7/2008, regarding the care he provided SS2. “I did not request any of the testing you mentioned in your letter.” “If I would have wanted any further testing it would have been arranged at the time of visit.”
There is no recommendation from any of the doctors that saw SS2 that there should be any testing done at age 10. In fact, when I spoke with Dr. LongTimeAgo on 8/12/2008, his attending physician at the time of the surgery, she stated she had never heard of such a recommendation.
...I paid for the emergency room visit...
When I contacted the emergency room billing department, you had not given them the insurance information I supplied to you before SS2’s visit, nor was any payment made.
Voicemail from BM, July 24, 2008 5:58 pm
...when he had his heart surgery, they nicked his thyroid...
SS2 did not have heart surgery, he had a vascular ring surgery. His post-operative report shows that his thyroid was not in fact “nicked”.
Voicemail from BM, July 27, 2008 8:00 pm
...you better get SS2 the right health attention that he needs, because you have not done it and that is your job. You took that responsibility on when you took me to court. So you better get him into that doctor and have those tests done because if you don’t, I will report you. So you better do it.
From your behavior this summer and in the past regarding SS2’s medical care, there is good reason why I am the primary custodial parent. Your scare tactics to make SS2 think there is something wrong with him and that I am not providing adequate medical care cause me great concern for SS2’s well being while in your care. Your unwillingness to notify me of his trip to the emergency room until 12 days after it happened, as well as your attempt to have SS2 seen for these supposedly “recommended” tests with Dr. H at Physicians Pediatrics on 8/17/2008 without any notification to me also causes me concern. In addition, your misrepresentation about what medical professionals have said regarding SS2’s medical care is irresponsible. Your continued threats are not in anyway helpful to the boys and hold no weight as far as what medical care the boys will receive. Dr. Primary Care is NOT recommending any further testing for SS2, and I have requested that he be referred to a nutritionist so that he can understand more fully how his eating choices are impacting his weight.
Finally, your attempts to use “reports” to try to show any negligence on my part only further document your unstable mental state. You stated to Dr. ER, as noted in his report, that SS2 was supposed to have a formal endoscopic exam at age 10 and that it did not happen. You also stated that we are separated and there are custody issues. Please be aware, the reality is that no recommendations were made for any testing of SS2 at age 10 (and it seems strange to me that you would wait until he was 13 before you made any mention of it), we are divorced, not separated, and there are no custody issues, I am the primary custodial parent and you are the non-custodial parent. You are more than within your rights to file a petition to request any changes to this situation, but implying that there already are considerations being made by the court is inaccurate.
Your last minute attempt to further disparage me with Dr. ER, through your requested “Addendum” to the ER report regarding my telling SS2 he was not to go to the emergency room, and your attempt to imply that he was upset and tearful because of this, shows your willingness to cause the boys discomfort to achieve your own gains. SS2, his counselor and I did discuss what possible things he may have to deal with during his visit with you. One of SS2’s concerns was “emergency room visits”, due to your behavior in the past. We discussed some examples of things that would require emergency room attention, and what would not. SS2 clearly understood that your overreaction to his choking on the ice was not an emergency. Before you left your house, the ice had become dislodged and he was able to speak. Yes, he may have had some discomfort for a bit after, trying to catch his breath, as anyone does when liquid or food “goes down the wrong pipe”, but he was in no way at risk for permanent injury. Instead of blaming his anxiety on me, it may have been more appropriate to call me and let me know what was going on, so that I could reassure him. But it clearly was not your intent to have him reassured at all. In fact, you went to great lengths to use a common occurrence to somehow show there was something wrong with both SS2 and me. You have only showed again your poor judgement when the boys are in your care.
In regards to your taking SS2 out of YourNewHomeState to visit your parents, it also concerns me that you would remove SS2 from YourNewHomeState without the appropriate financial means to send him home. While our agreement states that I am responsible for travel expenses to your home, I am not responsible for changing flights to suit your travel plans, which were made after our agreed flight plans.
I am requesting you respond to this letter in writing or by leaving a voicemail message by September 15, 2008. Please explain your plans to communicate in a more timely manner regarding the boys medical care, as well as your plans to ensure that in the future neither of the boys are stranded away from your home in YourNewHomeState without any means to return at the scheduled time and place.
Will any of it make sense to her? Not a chance. Will she respond as DH requested? Not a chance. Although she did call incessantly for about 20 minutes when the FedEx was delivered. No message though.
Voicemail from BM, July 24, 2008 4:07 pm
...I had to take him in because it swelled up his airway...it doesn’t look like it went down to normal...when he was 10 he was supposed to have either a barium swallow or a bronchioscope, but they put a scope down and he couldn’t get down far enough with it, and said he needs to have it done...
SS2’s airway was wide open, all structures were of normal appearance, there was no difficulty during the exam with the scope. This information is from Dr. ER’s report.
Dr. ER did not say that SS2 needed to have any tests done. The following are direct quotes from an email Dr. ER sent to me, dated 8/7/2008, regarding the care he provided SS2. “I did not request any of the testing you mentioned in your letter.” “If I would have wanted any further testing it would have been arranged at the time of visit.”
There is no recommendation from any of the doctors that saw SS2 that there should be any testing done at age 10. In fact, when I spoke with Dr. LongTimeAgo on 8/12/2008, his attending physician at the time of the surgery, she stated she had never heard of such a recommendation.
...I paid for the emergency room visit...
When I contacted the emergency room billing department, you had not given them the insurance information I supplied to you before SS2’s visit, nor was any payment made.
Voicemail from BM, July 24, 2008 5:58 pm
...when he had his heart surgery, they nicked his thyroid...
SS2 did not have heart surgery, he had a vascular ring surgery. His post-operative report shows that his thyroid was not in fact “nicked”.
Voicemail from BM, July 27, 2008 8:00 pm
...you better get SS2 the right health attention that he needs, because you have not done it and that is your job. You took that responsibility on when you took me to court. So you better get him into that doctor and have those tests done because if you don’t, I will report you. So you better do it.
From your behavior this summer and in the past regarding SS2’s medical care, there is good reason why I am the primary custodial parent. Your scare tactics to make SS2 think there is something wrong with him and that I am not providing adequate medical care cause me great concern for SS2’s well being while in your care. Your unwillingness to notify me of his trip to the emergency room until 12 days after it happened, as well as your attempt to have SS2 seen for these supposedly “recommended” tests with Dr. H at Physicians Pediatrics on 8/17/2008 without any notification to me also causes me concern. In addition, your misrepresentation about what medical professionals have said regarding SS2’s medical care is irresponsible. Your continued threats are not in anyway helpful to the boys and hold no weight as far as what medical care the boys will receive. Dr. Primary Care is NOT recommending any further testing for SS2, and I have requested that he be referred to a nutritionist so that he can understand more fully how his eating choices are impacting his weight.
Finally, your attempts to use “reports” to try to show any negligence on my part only further document your unstable mental state. You stated to Dr. ER, as noted in his report, that SS2 was supposed to have a formal endoscopic exam at age 10 and that it did not happen. You also stated that we are separated and there are custody issues. Please be aware, the reality is that no recommendations were made for any testing of SS2 at age 10 (and it seems strange to me that you would wait until he was 13 before you made any mention of it), we are divorced, not separated, and there are no custody issues, I am the primary custodial parent and you are the non-custodial parent. You are more than within your rights to file a petition to request any changes to this situation, but implying that there already are considerations being made by the court is inaccurate.
Your last minute attempt to further disparage me with Dr. ER, through your requested “Addendum” to the ER report regarding my telling SS2 he was not to go to the emergency room, and your attempt to imply that he was upset and tearful because of this, shows your willingness to cause the boys discomfort to achieve your own gains. SS2, his counselor and I did discuss what possible things he may have to deal with during his visit with you. One of SS2’s concerns was “emergency room visits”, due to your behavior in the past. We discussed some examples of things that would require emergency room attention, and what would not. SS2 clearly understood that your overreaction to his choking on the ice was not an emergency. Before you left your house, the ice had become dislodged and he was able to speak. Yes, he may have had some discomfort for a bit after, trying to catch his breath, as anyone does when liquid or food “goes down the wrong pipe”, but he was in no way at risk for permanent injury. Instead of blaming his anxiety on me, it may have been more appropriate to call me and let me know what was going on, so that I could reassure him. But it clearly was not your intent to have him reassured at all. In fact, you went to great lengths to use a common occurrence to somehow show there was something wrong with both SS2 and me. You have only showed again your poor judgement when the boys are in your care.
In regards to your taking SS2 out of YourNewHomeState to visit your parents, it also concerns me that you would remove SS2 from YourNewHomeState without the appropriate financial means to send him home. While our agreement states that I am responsible for travel expenses to your home, I am not responsible for changing flights to suit your travel plans, which were made after our agreed flight plans.
I am requesting you respond to this letter in writing or by leaving a voicemail message by September 15, 2008. Please explain your plans to communicate in a more timely manner regarding the boys medical care, as well as your plans to ensure that in the future neither of the boys are stranded away from your home in YourNewHomeState without any means to return at the scheduled time and place.
Will any of it make sense to her? Not a chance. Will she respond as DH requested? Not a chance. Although she did call incessantly for about 20 minutes when the FedEx was delivered. No message though.
I'm Back!!!!!
Sorry about that...had to recharge the batteries! SS2 has been fine since he is back. He had some questions about the whole emergency room thing, so we talked about what we had found out from his records and the ER doctor, and he went the next day to the pediatrician's for his physical. Pediatrician had already had a chance to review the information we had dropped off, so was totally up to speed about what happened. She is not recommending any of the tests BM insists need to be done, as SS2 has NO SYMPTOMS. SS2 seemed relieved, and went on his merry way. She also was able to refer us to a nutritionist for SS2, because he just won't believe us when we tell him taking a sandwich and 3 packages of crackers is not an appropriate school lunch. Nor is buying himself energy drinks instead of water a good choice when he rides his bike into town to visit his friends. At 13, he spends more and more time away from our immediate supervision, and he needs to get a grasp on the choices he makes when we are not there. Sooo, that is headed in the right direction anyway. Pediatrician didn't say anything about being contacted by BM - big surprise.
Then we jumped right into school clothes and supply shopping. And the first day of school. So the last week has just been one thing after another. Oh, and then Friday, after being told specifically by us not to ride bikes at his friend's baseball practice (SS2 was spending the night at this friend's house), SS2 convinced the friend's mom to bring the friend's bike to the practice, he fell over the handlebars, and hurt his wrist. No sleepover that night! Then SS2 was, of course, crippled and consumed by his injury, and kept talking about what kind of cast he would have, so we knew he was already getting ready to tell BM that he broke his arm. So next am, back to the pediatrician we go, x-ray, and only a sprained wrist. He has had to wear a hand brace for the week, which really put a damper on his last days of summer vacation, and could quite possibly interfere with his participation in our canoe trip planned for this weekend. Lesson learned, hopefully.
DH left a message for BM regarding SS2's wrist and SS2 called BM when he got home from the pediatrician, but although BM has left messages every night on SS2's phone, he has yet to call her back. Not quite sure what he is avoiding.
Oh, and you're going to love this. Remember how BM was too poor to make the change in flight arrangement's for SS2 herself? Well, now she's told SS1 that she is sending him $500 for his truck. Hello????? Even SS1 isn't checking the mail everyday to see when it comes.
Then we jumped right into school clothes and supply shopping. And the first day of school. So the last week has just been one thing after another. Oh, and then Friday, after being told specifically by us not to ride bikes at his friend's baseball practice (SS2 was spending the night at this friend's house), SS2 convinced the friend's mom to bring the friend's bike to the practice, he fell over the handlebars, and hurt his wrist. No sleepover that night! Then SS2 was, of course, crippled and consumed by his injury, and kept talking about what kind of cast he would have, so we knew he was already getting ready to tell BM that he broke his arm. So next am, back to the pediatrician we go, x-ray, and only a sprained wrist. He has had to wear a hand brace for the week, which really put a damper on his last days of summer vacation, and could quite possibly interfere with his participation in our canoe trip planned for this weekend. Lesson learned, hopefully.
DH left a message for BM regarding SS2's wrist and SS2 called BM when he got home from the pediatrician, but although BM has left messages every night on SS2's phone, he has yet to call her back. Not quite sure what he is avoiding.
Oh, and you're going to love this. Remember how BM was too poor to make the change in flight arrangement's for SS2 herself? Well, now she's told SS1 that she is sending him $500 for his truck. Hello????? Even SS1 isn't checking the mail everyday to see when it comes.
August 19, 2008
August 17, 2008
Such is the way of the world...
Thinking about smirking cat's comment on the "And the winner is..." post, I have felt that way a lot this weekend. DH and I are normally the most flexible, understanding people out there. Over the years, we have made many alterations in schedule to accommodate BM. And while more saintly people may say, "just pay for the flight change and be done with it", BM's behavior over this past year has finally caused us to reach a point where we can no longer find it in ourselves to extend that olive branch. There is only so much abuse one can take and still give. Or, more accurately, we feel there is only so much abuse one should have to take.
Ironically, we had several occasions this weekend to see this type of thing in play. We went to a local water park and during our trip we had some + ups and - downs...
+ DH and I helped someone jump start their car.
+ A stranger, obviously in dire need, since we were in a rural area and there wasn't a gas station for miles, bummed cigarettes off of us at the rest area.
+ We used our seasons pass coupons to feed the other 9 people in our group.
- We got 5 chairs around the wave pool for the 12 of us to share as we came and went. 4 of them had people in them and the 5th person had just gotten up to change into her suit in the bathroom right behind us. A stranger woman came over and picked up our 5th chair, and when I said to her someone is using that chair, she said in the snottiest voice ever, "There was nothing on it!" and walked away with our chair. Maybe my friend broke the first rule of water park chairs and forgot to throw a towel on her chair before she left, but if someone told me the chair was being used, I would have said, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize" and I would have put the damn chair back down. Needless to say, I was waiting, oh so patiently, for her to get up out of that chair so a "mysterious" wind could have come by and knocked her towel off the chair so I could go reclaim it, but, alas, the water park closed before the nasty stranger woman ever got up (I had fallen asleep and may have missed my opportunity!)
- We purchased one of the souvenir cups that you can refill all day for free. SS1 went to the counter to have the girl refill it. She also had another stranger's cup in her hand, same color as ours. She turns back around from the soda machine, says "oops, I don't remember which was which" and then expects SS1 to take a cup which may or may not have been his. Then when we go over to request a new cup, she at first refuses! Needless to say, we got a new cup.
- We check into the hotel, which one of the members of our group had booked (she is a travel agent) and they wanted to charge us more than what it had been reserved for - like by $40 per room. When she went to speak with the manager in the am about it, he said he would not honor her reservation rate, because that is not what they regularly charge, even though she had the reservation paperwork with her. He said that he was going to charge her the more expensive rate, to which she replied, "that is fine, I will go home and dispute the charges and you won't ever get the money", needless to say we got the discounted rate.
- We stopped at a cheese store on the way home and I went into the store next door to purchase a really cute water-colored card of eggs in a basket to frame, since our chickens just started laying. The card was $3.00 and the "artist" who owned the store refused to sell it to me because I didn't have cash, even though there was a card machine right on the counter. As a business owner I understand having to incur expenses, and frankly, I would have been willing to pay a little more for the card to cover her charge card machine costs for my transaction, but she flat out refused! Needless to say, instead of digging through my car and purse for $3.00 of change or asking one of my friends for cash, I put the card down and walked out.
DH and I have no problem being generous and helping others out. However, there are some damn nasty people in the world, and the more others encourage and tolerate their nastiness, the more nasty people are going to get. There is a fine line between taking the high road and letting yourself get walked over. We have tried the high road with BM for so long and it has only bitten us in the butt. Were she a typically generous, flexible person herself, we would surely be willing to work with her, but our high road has come to a dead end, and we aren't going to tolerate her nastiness anymore.
Ironically, we had several occasions this weekend to see this type of thing in play. We went to a local water park and during our trip we had some + ups and - downs...
+ DH and I helped someone jump start their car.
+ A stranger, obviously in dire need, since we were in a rural area and there wasn't a gas station for miles, bummed cigarettes off of us at the rest area.
+ We used our seasons pass coupons to feed the other 9 people in our group.
- We got 5 chairs around the wave pool for the 12 of us to share as we came and went. 4 of them had people in them and the 5th person had just gotten up to change into her suit in the bathroom right behind us. A stranger woman came over and picked up our 5th chair, and when I said to her someone is using that chair, she said in the snottiest voice ever, "There was nothing on it!" and walked away with our chair. Maybe my friend broke the first rule of water park chairs and forgot to throw a towel on her chair before she left, but if someone told me the chair was being used, I would have said, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize" and I would have put the damn chair back down. Needless to say, I was waiting, oh so patiently, for her to get up out of that chair so a "mysterious" wind could have come by and knocked her towel off the chair so I could go reclaim it, but, alas, the water park closed before the nasty stranger woman ever got up (I had fallen asleep and may have missed my opportunity!)
- We purchased one of the souvenir cups that you can refill all day for free. SS1 went to the counter to have the girl refill it. She also had another stranger's cup in her hand, same color as ours. She turns back around from the soda machine, says "oops, I don't remember which was which" and then expects SS1 to take a cup which may or may not have been his. Then when we go over to request a new cup, she at first refuses! Needless to say, we got a new cup.
- We check into the hotel, which one of the members of our group had booked (she is a travel agent) and they wanted to charge us more than what it had been reserved for - like by $40 per room. When she went to speak with the manager in the am about it, he said he would not honor her reservation rate, because that is not what they regularly charge, even though she had the reservation paperwork with her. He said that he was going to charge her the more expensive rate, to which she replied, "that is fine, I will go home and dispute the charges and you won't ever get the money", needless to say we got the discounted rate.
- We stopped at a cheese store on the way home and I went into the store next door to purchase a really cute water-colored card of eggs in a basket to frame, since our chickens just started laying. The card was $3.00 and the "artist" who owned the store refused to sell it to me because I didn't have cash, even though there was a card machine right on the counter. As a business owner I understand having to incur expenses, and frankly, I would have been willing to pay a little more for the card to cover her charge card machine costs for my transaction, but she flat out refused! Needless to say, instead of digging through my car and purse for $3.00 of change or asking one of my friends for cash, I put the card down and walked out.
DH and I have no problem being generous and helping others out. However, there are some damn nasty people in the world, and the more others encourage and tolerate their nastiness, the more nasty people are going to get. There is a fine line between taking the high road and letting yourself get walked over. We have tried the high road with BM for so long and it has only bitten us in the butt. Were she a typically generous, flexible person herself, we would surely be willing to work with her, but our high road has come to a dead end, and we aren't going to tolerate her nastiness anymore.
August 16, 2008
Ramping Up
So BM leaves another message after we talk to SS2 and says she's going to an attorney on Monday to get an "excuse" note from the courts so she doesn't have to send SS2 home on the 20th (now she has to help her dad fill out disability paperwork since he just got laid off and she's an expert on disability paperwork). I hope the free legal aid lawyer has a clue. FormerHomeState isn't the home state anymore and it is now her responsibility to get SS2 home, since she is choosing not to use the reservation already made for him. Her dad must be doing really bad because he took SS2 golfing yesterday and tomorrow they are going to a professional football pre-season game. Wonder what lies she is going to tell the lawyer?
August 15, 2008
SS2 is starting to panic...
He just called DH and in a round-about way, tried to find out what was going on. He asked if we were still planning to do the 4-wheeler trip and stay at a cabin when he gets back. We said of course, and he said, "so nothing's been canceled or anything?" and we're like "no, everything is the same, see you on Wednesday". One way or another that child is coming home on Wednesday! I can't believe she is doing this to him, when he should be thinking about getting ready for school, school shopping, and hanging out with his friends the last week before school's out. Instead he is worried about if he's going to make it home.
And the winner is...
Option 1!
Just got a message from BM stating that her father lost his job, and she has to stay to help him fill out paperwork, so she is staying and DH can have her arrested, but she would do this for DH if something happened to his parents.
Whatever! She isn't even having SS2 visit DH's family while they are down in Former Home State, in fact, she has never taken the kids to visit DH's family, even though we make sure they always see her parents when they are in Former Home State. Plus, it is very clear that it has been her intention for most of the summer to not send SS2 home on his flight.
Here's our reply, emailed and faxed today:
I received your message regarding your choice to not send SS2 home on his scheduled flight. SS2 is due home by 9:20 pm on August 20th. Please let me know what other arrangements you have made to have him home by this time. I am willing to pick him up either at the Blah, Blah or Blah, Blah airports. After you have made the arrangements, please let me know his reservation confirmation #, flight number and arrival time.
We are going to wind up in court over this - I can feel it!
Just got a message from BM stating that her father lost his job, and she has to stay to help him fill out paperwork, so she is staying and DH can have her arrested, but she would do this for DH if something happened to his parents.
Whatever! She isn't even having SS2 visit DH's family while they are down in Former Home State, in fact, she has never taken the kids to visit DH's family, even though we make sure they always see her parents when they are in Former Home State. Plus, it is very clear that it has been her intention for most of the summer to not send SS2 home on his flight.
Here's our reply, emailed and faxed today:
I received your message regarding your choice to not send SS2 home on his scheduled flight. SS2 is due home by 9:20 pm on August 20th. Please let me know what other arrangements you have made to have him home by this time. I am willing to pick him up either at the Blah, Blah or Blah, Blah airports. After you have made the arrangements, please let me know his reservation confirmation #, flight number and arrival time.
We are going to wind up in court over this - I can feel it!
August 10, 2008
Predictions for the 20th:
1) BM will try one last attempt to get DH to change the flight.
2) There will be some type of natural disaster preventing her from getting SS2 back to her state in time for his flight (my guess, flood).
3) There will be some type of construction delay, they will get lost, or there will be a vehicle break-down preventing her from getting SS2 back to her state in time for his flight.
4) She gets "sick" while visiting her parents, hospitalized, of course, preventing her from getting SS2 back to her state in time for his flight.
5) She gets it in her head to file some ex parte motion in FormerHomeState while she is down there.
Which of these will play out? We'll have to wait and see...but it will be a miracle if all we have to do is go to our airport and pick him up!
2) There will be some type of natural disaster preventing her from getting SS2 back to her state in time for his flight (my guess, flood).
3) There will be some type of construction delay, they will get lost, or there will be a vehicle break-down preventing her from getting SS2 back to her state in time for his flight.
4) She gets "sick" while visiting her parents, hospitalized, of course, preventing her from getting SS2 back to her state in time for his flight.
5) She gets it in her head to file some ex parte motion in FormerHomeState while she is down there.
Which of these will play out? We'll have to wait and see...but it will be a miracle if all we have to do is go to our airport and pick him up!
August 2, 2008
Incessant Phone Calls
Since the 27th, we have gotten an almost daily barrage of phone calls from BM. I'll just bullet the general idea to save me the agony of having to listen to them word for word again.
* SS2 calls to find out when he is leaving. We did not call him back. (Read: BM made SS2 get on phone and call us since we didn't call her back and she hadn't received our letter yet.)
* BM: she will be going down and we either change his flight or he is not coming back (yes, she actually said it) and she will have DH arrested for not sending SS1 (funny how it took her 5 weeks to be concerned with the fact that he didn't come down), DH is selfish, SS2 is sitting right there, SS2 has read DH's letter, and DH can call SS2 and tell him he can't visit his grandparents (we never said he couldn't, he just needs to be back at the pre-arranged time).
* BM: (In a classic case of BM psychiatric chaos, she has discovered how to use her not getting her way as a bonus for her. The previous phone call, just over one hour before this one, was screaming, high pitched babble. This phone call was calm, almost gleeful, with an air of arrogance. It is like you can almost see her brain forming her alternate reality right before your eyes.) She is going back to what we agreed, SS2 can now see what we are like and what she has had to deal with for years, he is witnessing everything, this is a blessing in disguise, we're hurting him, and maybe this way, we'll have time to squeeze in his medical appointment before school starts, since SS2 had to come to her with all his medical concerns.
*BM: calls to inform us that she got the letter about us taking SS2 to the Dr. for a physical shortly after he gets back and that DH will discuss BM's concerns with the Dr. She states "that was all she wanted."
*BM: calls with a litany of family history of thyroid issues, something about some radiation cocktail, her parents want to pay to have SS2's ticket changed, and if we could find it "in our heart" to change the reservation, we are making a big deal out of it, she would never do this if it a medical emergency happened to DH's parents.
*SS1 flew to Former Home State to see both sets of grandparents. While he was with her parents, they of course forced him to talk to BM on the phone. She started bribing with all the things they would do at Christmastime, and SS1 said he didn't think he would be coming at Christmas. On came her tears, her father took the phone from SS1 and said to BM, "Maybe he'll change his mind by Christmas" and winked at SS1. They go to the movies and get a call that BM had to go to the emergency room because she passed out putting a tape in the VCR. SS1 is so disappointed that his time with his grandparents was interrupted by her drama. (Note: BM's father is working, going to the movies, and not having a medical emergency. Surprise, surprise!)
*BM: calls to state that she knows DH's signature and I forged one of the letters we sent her, and that is against the law. (What is really funny is that he did sign it! I think she thinks it was mailed after DH went to Former Home State this week. What a dumb ass!)
*BM: calls to insist that she have the phone number for SS2's Dr. here so she can talk to the Dr. herself. And we better get her the number in a couple days, or else.
So, as of right now, looks like SS2 is coming back on time. Until her brain takes a sharp turn to the right again, anyway. I'm calling Monday to get in to see the Dr. so we can give her all our documentation and give her a heads up about BM calling before we send BM the number. We are also going to get the ER report and hopefully our letter to the ER doc in SS2's medical file and another letter requesting that DH be informed of any appointments made for SS2, so if she calls for his records, that info will go with. We are also going to try to get SS2's Dr. to call the ER Dr. and find out what we asked for in the letter, since we still have had no response from him. We'll see how it goes!
* SS2 calls to find out when he is leaving. We did not call him back. (Read: BM made SS2 get on phone and call us since we didn't call her back and she hadn't received our letter yet.)
* BM: she will be going down and we either change his flight or he is not coming back (yes, she actually said it) and she will have DH arrested for not sending SS1 (funny how it took her 5 weeks to be concerned with the fact that he didn't come down), DH is selfish, SS2 is sitting right there, SS2 has read DH's letter, and DH can call SS2 and tell him he can't visit his grandparents (we never said he couldn't, he just needs to be back at the pre-arranged time).
* BM: (In a classic case of BM psychiatric chaos, she has discovered how to use her not getting her way as a bonus for her. The previous phone call, just over one hour before this one, was screaming, high pitched babble. This phone call was calm, almost gleeful, with an air of arrogance. It is like you can almost see her brain forming her alternate reality right before your eyes.) She is going back to what we agreed, SS2 can now see what we are like and what she has had to deal with for years, he is witnessing everything, this is a blessing in disguise, we're hurting him, and maybe this way, we'll have time to squeeze in his medical appointment before school starts, since SS2 had to come to her with all his medical concerns.
*BM: calls to inform us that she got the letter about us taking SS2 to the Dr. for a physical shortly after he gets back and that DH will discuss BM's concerns with the Dr. She states "that was all she wanted."
*BM: calls with a litany of family history of thyroid issues, something about some radiation cocktail, her parents want to pay to have SS2's ticket changed, and if we could find it "in our heart" to change the reservation, we are making a big deal out of it, she would never do this if it a medical emergency happened to DH's parents.
*SS1 flew to Former Home State to see both sets of grandparents. While he was with her parents, they of course forced him to talk to BM on the phone. She started bribing with all the things they would do at Christmastime, and SS1 said he didn't think he would be coming at Christmas. On came her tears, her father took the phone from SS1 and said to BM, "Maybe he'll change his mind by Christmas" and winked at SS1. They go to the movies and get a call that BM had to go to the emergency room because she passed out putting a tape in the VCR. SS1 is so disappointed that his time with his grandparents was interrupted by her drama. (Note: BM's father is working, going to the movies, and not having a medical emergency. Surprise, surprise!)
*BM: calls to state that she knows DH's signature and I forged one of the letters we sent her, and that is against the law. (What is really funny is that he did sign it! I think she thinks it was mailed after DH went to Former Home State this week. What a dumb ass!)
*BM: calls to insist that she have the phone number for SS2's Dr. here so she can talk to the Dr. herself. And we better get her the number in a couple days, or else.
So, as of right now, looks like SS2 is coming back on time. Until her brain takes a sharp turn to the right again, anyway. I'm calling Monday to get in to see the Dr. so we can give her all our documentation and give her a heads up about BM calling before we send BM the number. We are also going to get the ER report and hopefully our letter to the ER doc in SS2's medical file and another letter requesting that DH be informed of any appointments made for SS2, so if she calls for his records, that info will go with. We are also going to try to get SS2's Dr. to call the ER Dr. and find out what we asked for in the letter, since we still have had no response from him. We'll see how it goes!
July 27, 2008
Flight Issues
So now she is leaving messages saying that she is driving from Her Current Home State to Our Former Home State with SS2 to see her parents, and that we must change SS2's flight to leave from that state instead.
She has known all summer what his reservation was and she agreed to it. Never did she say he would be leaving from a different state. She also did not plan this trip until she found out SS1 (who has spent the summer with us) was going down to visit her parents in a couple weeks. She is trying to get SS1 cornered at her parents' house. Unbelievable!
When SS1 found this out, he said he only wanted to visit DH's parents instead if BM was going to be at her parents, but we decided he should be able to see them, so he is flying down early instead. We discussed with SS1 that this was exactly why we don't typically tell them about plans such as this, because they blab to the Grandparents and then BM finds some way to screw everything up. He had bugged the crap out of us about seeing his Grandfather, and we knew he was feeling bad about not getting to see his sister, and we really though he had wised up enough to keep his trap shut. His response was "But I didn't think she would drive all the way down to do that." Hello, your own mother called the police on you for acting like a teenager and you didn't think she could pull this off? Wake the @$#*%! up!
DH tried to ask her to just leave a few days early so she could be back in time to get him on the scheduled flight, but she said she "had plans" and wasn't changing her plans. Hello, what about the plans she had with us first? She then starting laying into DH about the whole Spring Break thing, so he hung up. Unfortunately we were talking to SS2 before she got on the phone. SS2 called back about 10 minutes later, and can you believe this, starting apologizing to us, saying, "I didn't know she was going to get like that." Wake the @$#*%! up!
DH told him there was nothing to apologize to us for and to just do what he had to do to have a good rest of his summer (in other words, tow BM's line until he can get out of there!)
Her last message reiterated that she wasn't changing her plans and DH had to change the flight, implying that she was not sending SS2 back if the flight wasn't changed. She also threatened DH and said if he didn't get those medical tests for SS2 that she was "reporting" him. Oh, and get this, she said SS2 had told her he had an "open ended flight". The email we sent on April 15 had a date - that is clearly not an open-ended flight, nor did SS2 book his reservation, so why would she think a 13 year old was a reliable source of this information?
I knew she would mess this summer up!
There are two alternative tracks she could take. One would be to really go to see her parents and really not send SS2 back. This is the scenario we have been dreading and looking forward to at the same time. This would be our slam dunk as far as going back to court. But it would also be a pain in the ass for the boys and us.
The other would be to cancel her trip to see her parents or do it after SS2 leaves and then blame DH for the fact that SS2 couldn't see her parents. Conveniently omitting the information that she had since April to plan this trip around SS2's flight and didn't. I think SS2 would see through this strategy and it could most certainly be addressed in counseling and while it would do less damage in the long run, is nothing we can use in court.
Here's an idea, how 'bout we all get to have a NORMAL @$#*%! SUMMER!
She has known all summer what his reservation was and she agreed to it. Never did she say he would be leaving from a different state. She also did not plan this trip until she found out SS1 (who has spent the summer with us) was going down to visit her parents in a couple weeks. She is trying to get SS1 cornered at her parents' house. Unbelievable!
When SS1 found this out, he said he only wanted to visit DH's parents instead if BM was going to be at her parents, but we decided he should be able to see them, so he is flying down early instead. We discussed with SS1 that this was exactly why we don't typically tell them about plans such as this, because they blab to the Grandparents and then BM finds some way to screw everything up. He had bugged the crap out of us about seeing his Grandfather, and we knew he was feeling bad about not getting to see his sister, and we really though he had wised up enough to keep his trap shut. His response was "But I didn't think she would drive all the way down to do that." Hello, your own mother called the police on you for acting like a teenager and you didn't think she could pull this off? Wake the @$#*%! up!
DH tried to ask her to just leave a few days early so she could be back in time to get him on the scheduled flight, but she said she "had plans" and wasn't changing her plans. Hello, what about the plans she had with us first? She then starting laying into DH about the whole Spring Break thing, so he hung up. Unfortunately we were talking to SS2 before she got on the phone. SS2 called back about 10 minutes later, and can you believe this, starting apologizing to us, saying, "I didn't know she was going to get like that." Wake the @$#*%! up!
DH told him there was nothing to apologize to us for and to just do what he had to do to have a good rest of his summer (in other words, tow BM's line until he can get out of there!)
Her last message reiterated that she wasn't changing her plans and DH had to change the flight, implying that she was not sending SS2 back if the flight wasn't changed. She also threatened DH and said if he didn't get those medical tests for SS2 that she was "reporting" him. Oh, and get this, she said SS2 had told her he had an "open ended flight". The email we sent on April 15 had a date - that is clearly not an open-ended flight, nor did SS2 book his reservation, so why would she think a 13 year old was a reliable source of this information?
I knew she would mess this summer up!
There are two alternative tracks she could take. One would be to really go to see her parents and really not send SS2 back. This is the scenario we have been dreading and looking forward to at the same time. This would be our slam dunk as far as going back to court. But it would also be a pain in the ass for the boys and us.
The other would be to cancel her trip to see her parents or do it after SS2 leaves and then blame DH for the fact that SS2 couldn't see her parents. Conveniently omitting the information that she had since April to plan this trip around SS2's flight and didn't. I think SS2 would see through this strategy and it could most certainly be addressed in counseling and while it would do less damage in the long run, is nothing we can use in court.
Here's an idea, how 'bout we all get to have a NORMAL @$#*%! SUMMER!
July 24, 2008
We knew it! Summer ER Trip #1 continued...
Got SS2's medical records in the mail today. BM is so full of crap it isn't even funny. And she thinks just because she tells someone something and they write it down it is true!
This is the choking on an ice cube incident.
Dr's notes:
"His mother reports that the patient had vascular ring surgery when he was 5 months old. He lives with his father in Current State and is visiting mom for the summer. He apparently was supposed to have a formal endoscopic exam at age 10, but mother states that this did not happen. His parents are separated and there appears to be some custody issues."
Only the first two sentences here are accurate. No formal endoscopic exam was ever recommended and this issue has been discussed with his primary care physician and he stated that there was nothing that needed to be done as SS2 aged.
But really, if she was that concerned, why did she wait until he was 13 to complain about it? She has had him for several weeks each summer since then, why did she not make him an appointment?
Hello, they are divorced, not separated, and there are no custody issues. DH has physical and she does not. What is the issue?
She had the doctor perform an oropharyngoscopy and a soft tissue neck x-ray. Are you kidding me? Talk about having a child undergo unnecessary medical procedures!
"His airway was wide open, and other than some mild redness as noted above in the right hypopharynx. He had normal-appearing cords, and all the other structures were of normal appearance without evidence of any edema or airway compromise. I visualized through the cords, and this also appeared normal proximally...His symptoms seemed to be somewhat accentuated by anxiety."
"When I came into the room to perfrom the procedure, the patient had a brief episode of being upset and tearful. His mother stated that he was upset because his father told him to not go to the emergency room before he left Current State to visit his mother this summer. The nursing staff came to me at discharge and stated that his mother requested that I put this in my dictation."
Gee, do you think he might be nervous because he knows his mom is making the Dr stick something down his throat over something stupid, just so she can take jabs at DH? I find it interesting that the 13 year old did not say that DH told him not to go to the emergency room, his mother did. I'm sure SS2 was told not to talk. And she really thinks that because she had something put into the dictation that that somehow verifies it? And why would we tell him that when we know he has no choice in the matter anyway, that once she sees some avenue to disparage DH she is going to no matter what.
Now we know why SS2 called us that night to tell us about it. He knew it was wrong and what she was saying was wrong and he wanted us to find out about it. What to do now, though? Just wait until she tries to use it somehow?
Personally, I think this makes her look like a freak with an agenda, but what do you think a judge would think? I know I'm too close to this to have a rational opinion.
This is the choking on an ice cube incident.
Dr's notes:
"His mother reports that the patient had vascular ring surgery when he was 5 months old. He lives with his father in Current State and is visiting mom for the summer. He apparently was supposed to have a formal endoscopic exam at age 10, but mother states that this did not happen. His parents are separated and there appears to be some custody issues."
Only the first two sentences here are accurate. No formal endoscopic exam was ever recommended and this issue has been discussed with his primary care physician and he stated that there was nothing that needed to be done as SS2 aged.
But really, if she was that concerned, why did she wait until he was 13 to complain about it? She has had him for several weeks each summer since then, why did she not make him an appointment?
Hello, they are divorced, not separated, and there are no custody issues. DH has physical and she does not. What is the issue?
She had the doctor perform an oropharyngoscopy and a soft tissue neck x-ray. Are you kidding me? Talk about having a child undergo unnecessary medical procedures!
"His airway was wide open, and other than some mild redness as noted above in the right hypopharynx. He had normal-appearing cords, and all the other structures were of normal appearance without evidence of any edema or airway compromise. I visualized through the cords, and this also appeared normal proximally...His symptoms seemed to be somewhat accentuated by anxiety."
"When I came into the room to perfrom the procedure, the patient had a brief episode of being upset and tearful. His mother stated that he was upset because his father told him to not go to the emergency room before he left Current State to visit his mother this summer. The nursing staff came to me at discharge and stated that his mother requested that I put this in my dictation."
Gee, do you think he might be nervous because he knows his mom is making the Dr stick something down his throat over something stupid, just so she can take jabs at DH? I find it interesting that the 13 year old did not say that DH told him not to go to the emergency room, his mother did. I'm sure SS2 was told not to talk. And she really thinks that because she had something put into the dictation that that somehow verifies it? And why would we tell him that when we know he has no choice in the matter anyway, that once she sees some avenue to disparage DH she is going to no matter what.
Now we know why SS2 called us that night to tell us about it. He knew it was wrong and what she was saying was wrong and he wanted us to find out about it. What to do now, though? Just wait until she tries to use it somehow?
Personally, I think this makes her look like a freak with an agenda, but what do you think a judge would think? I know I'm too close to this to have a rational opinion.
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