SS1's week trip was midway through SS2's 6 week trip. Shortly after we picked SS1 up from the airport, DH and SS1 took a road trip to visit DH's parents. DH called me from the road - he'd about had it. SS1 had spent 4 hours complaining about his trip. It would take hours to type up all of it, and almost all of it we can't do anything about anyway. However...
...DH starts asking me about whip-its. I'm like, what? He had no idea either, he just said SS1 was pissed about it. So on the internet I go. Ready for this?
Whip-its: using a whipped cream can to suck out the gas which dispenses the whipped cream to get high. In other words, HUFFING. We'd talked to the boys about huffing in the past, but in relation to chemicals like cleaning products or stuff you would find in a garage. But we hadn't even heard of using whipped cream containers.
When DH and SS1 got back from their trip a couple weeks later, we talked to SS1 about it some more. Apparently, SS1 asked BM why there were 8 empty whipped cream containers in her fridge. She then proceeds to tell the boys how cool it is, shows them how to do it, and tells them that her and Perpetual Fiance do it often. Then she tells them to try it. WTF?
As if that wasn't enough, she bought SS1 a pack of cigarettes!
After the shock of it all wore off, DH and I got some advice from several sources. We talked to a couple close friends - same reaction as ours. We talked to our local police chief, who had gotten to know SS1 very well right after his friend's suicide. He offered to come over to the house with the DARE officer to discuss the dangers with the boys, which they followed through on. Did you know you can die instantly from huffing? Of course, MOTY told the boys it was safe because it is the same gas they use at the dentist. Ummmm, I'm pretty sure dentists are licensed to administer that drug. I also posted on a message board I regularly frequent, and the responses were quite in line with what we were planning. After SS2 arrived home, we contacted CPS. Both boys told the investigator what had happened, and we stressed to the boys this was not about getting their mom in trouble, but protecting their sister. If SS1 was there a week and witnessed the huffing, imagine how often their sister sees it happening! She's 8. Even SS2 at 14 didn't realize how serious this is. DH and I would feel awful if we knew that was going on there and something tragic happened. Because we are in different states, the investigation is still ongoing, and of course the Friday before the Monday we talked to the investigator BM left a message on DH's phone saying they are moving back to FormerHomeState, and then moving to one of two other states. So she's on the move, and it may take a while for CPS to catch up to her.
She has not yet given us her new address, so the boys will not be making any trips anytime soon. We're sure she is expecting them at Christmas, but if the case is still open when it is time to make the travel arrangements (early November), we will be doing what we need to do in court to make sure they do not go. Our lawyer finds it very unlikely that the Marital Master would force a trip with an open case with CPS regarding drug use, especially since it is against our court order. Huffing is also against the law in BM's state where this happened, a misdemeanor to do it, a felony to supply chemicals to another to do it. She did both. If there is a CPS finding, criminal charges may follow shortly.
Or, things could go as they usually do when dealing with a PEW, everyone looks the other way...
Showing posts with label Medical Issues. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Medical Issues. Show all posts
September 30, 2009
Anyone seen my drugs?
So, in addition to the info about the disorderly conduct arrest, there were a few other interesting police reports. The police had been called a couple times to deal with prescription drug issues. One call must have been made by a neighbor because BM was mid-rant when the cop showed up. Perpetual Fiance was extremely calm, as the officer made a point of mentioning how calm he was and how out of control BM was. She was ranting about Perpetual Fiance flushing her prescription meds down the toilet.
The other call was BM reporting that Perpetual Fiance had stolen her medicine a few months apart from the other incident. This officer actually called her Dr. about it. Guess what the Dr. said. He's not surprised, that this is not the first time BM has told him stories about things happening to her prescriptions.
Guess what the police did? Nada.
Now we know that BM's parents have already tried to detox her a couple times because they told us. We suspect she has multiple doctors with multiple prescriptions, and they don't know about each other. Pain killers are her passion. When the boys were younger, they would comment about how one whole cabinet in the kitchen was filled with orange bottles. BM conveniently made a point of telling DH before Christmas that Perpetual Fiance would not be around during the boys' time out there, as he was trying to get off prescription drugs and she couldn't handle having him around (she told the boys he was looking for a job in another state). Now that is calling the kettle black. Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if Perpetual Fiance HAD to drug himself to get through a day with her. But make no mistake about it, BM is the addict. Can you say projection? DH and I think things were not going well between BM and Perpetual Fiance, and she made some kind of deal with him that if he would get lost for a week or so, she'd (fill in the blank with any unkept promise). She could not afford to have an incident while the boys were there as we were mid-case in court. She could sleep the days away and no one would be on her case. SS1 and SS2 spent a lot of time playing with their sister outside when BM wasn't "feeling" good. You get the picture.
And what do you know - a couple days after the boys left, Perpetual Fiance was back. Surprise, Surprise.
The other call was BM reporting that Perpetual Fiance had stolen her medicine a few months apart from the other incident. This officer actually called her Dr. about it. Guess what the Dr. said. He's not surprised, that this is not the first time BM has told him stories about things happening to her prescriptions.
Guess what the police did? Nada.
Now we know that BM's parents have already tried to detox her a couple times because they told us. We suspect she has multiple doctors with multiple prescriptions, and they don't know about each other. Pain killers are her passion. When the boys were younger, they would comment about how one whole cabinet in the kitchen was filled with orange bottles. BM conveniently made a point of telling DH before Christmas that Perpetual Fiance would not be around during the boys' time out there, as he was trying to get off prescription drugs and she couldn't handle having him around (she told the boys he was looking for a job in another state). Now that is calling the kettle black. Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if Perpetual Fiance HAD to drug himself to get through a day with her. But make no mistake about it, BM is the addict. Can you say projection? DH and I think things were not going well between BM and Perpetual Fiance, and she made some kind of deal with him that if he would get lost for a week or so, she'd (fill in the blank with any unkept promise). She could not afford to have an incident while the boys were there as we were mid-case in court. She could sleep the days away and no one would be on her case. SS1 and SS2 spent a lot of time playing with their sister outside when BM wasn't "feeling" good. You get the picture.
And what do you know - a couple days after the boys left, Perpetual Fiance was back. Surprise, Surprise.
September 18, 2008
Are you surprised?
She missed the deadline to offer any solutions. She left 5 messages on the 9th, each message filling up the alloted voice mail space, so she kept getting cut off and had to call back. I'd give you a verbatim, but frankly, I don't have the time or energy to transcribe over 45 minutes of ramblings. I'll bullet the major points of interest.
Mssg 1 (sick voice which turns into crying voice)
*she misunderstood about his thyroid, and only came to this realization after her father explained it to her (so glad someone in her world is paying attention)
*she has had to go through so much with her health and SS2 takes after her, so he must have health problems, so he should be tested just to find out (what a sick way to try to find common ground with your child)
Mssg 2 (sick voice)
*claims ER Dr lied in his report (yeah, like he had nothing better to do)
*said it was SS2's CHOICE to go the emergency room (who's the adult?)
*said it was SS2 that asked her not to call DH about the ER visit (funny, 'cause SS2 was the one that called us and told us about it in the wee hours of the morning)
Mssg 3 (voice coming back to normal, slight twinge of haughtiness)
*still bringing up the Spring Break issue (see previous posts for that bundle of joy)
*she lists the medications she has been on (this I gotta quote) "Look at the side effects of the medication I'm on. It causes 'roid rage, it causes psychotic episodes." (yup, she actually admitted it)
*she is no longer taking the medications, because they are obviously "causing too many problems" (again, no responsibility for her actions)
Mssg 4 (sick voice coming back, going full throttle into "feel sorry for me" mode)
*all her health issues are what caused her to "snap at SS1", "there are things, and SS2 saw it for himself, that there was unnecessary disrespect" (hell has frozen over, you mean all the things she denied ever happening really did happen?)
(she almost had me here, and then she lost it)
*neither DH or I understand what it is like to have a child grow inside of us, and they are part of her body (strange how we can understand how to relate to them and parent them, though)
*we took them away and ripped her heart out (odd how she doesn't remember fleeing the FormerHomeState with the children, which is what allowed DH to get Temp Custody in the first place, she had no problem ripping his heart out when he didn't know where they were for months!)
*it's just not fair that she has to miss out on them growing up just because of her health (she really doesn't get why she doesn't have custody of them! she really doesn't understand how HER actions led to what happened)
*she admits that we have done a good job with the boys and they are doing very well (finally, the recognition we have been living for, NOT!)
*she wants DH to stop sending her the letters by FedEx because she is off her medicine right now and she can "rationalize everything" (can't tell from these messages)
*she says the boys are part of "both of us" (so you mean DH did have a hand in creating them, they didn't spring virginally from "her body")
*it is going to be a better situation, now that she is not on her meds anymore (that is wishful thinking! she had these issues long before she became disabled and started taking her shopping list of medications)
*she's made mistakes and said things she really didn't mean (hard to tell at this point what things she means and what she doesn't)
*now she wants SS1 to come at least for a week so she can see him (you mean use as an emotional punching bag?)
Mssg 5 (very snotty voice)
*she can't imagine me having the "luxury" to go see a therapist just to deal with everyday life, and that I should have her problems to see what real problems are (hello, your actions are the only problems I need to see a therapist for)
*she wants to have a normal relationship with them, her health has come in the way, it is not her fault (the story of her life)
She really expects a free pass, as if DH is going to call her and tell her that she can do whatever she wants and treat people however she wants and we'll all give her an "excuse" note. She really thinks these messages show how she has a complete understanding of why things are the way they are, yet in fact, her comments only highlight how disjointed her reasoning is. The erratic changes in her voice, the contradictions from one minute to another, the continued fantasy that she is not responsible for anything, and yet deserves having everyone bend to her illogical thinking because she is the "mother". I used to think she was a spiteful person that spent her time thinking of ways to mess with us, and that one day she may get over it and things could be better. These messages have just confirmed for me that she does live in an alternate reality and things are never going to change. No matter what she does or says to hurt people, she will always see herself as the victim.
Mssg 1 (sick voice which turns into crying voice)
*she misunderstood about his thyroid, and only came to this realization after her father explained it to her (so glad someone in her world is paying attention)
*she has had to go through so much with her health and SS2 takes after her, so he must have health problems, so he should be tested just to find out (what a sick way to try to find common ground with your child)
Mssg 2 (sick voice)
*claims ER Dr lied in his report (yeah, like he had nothing better to do)
*said it was SS2's CHOICE to go the emergency room (who's the adult?)
*said it was SS2 that asked her not to call DH about the ER visit (funny, 'cause SS2 was the one that called us and told us about it in the wee hours of the morning)
Mssg 3 (voice coming back to normal, slight twinge of haughtiness)
*still bringing up the Spring Break issue (see previous posts for that bundle of joy)
*she lists the medications she has been on (this I gotta quote) "Look at the side effects of the medication I'm on. It causes 'roid rage, it causes psychotic episodes." (yup, she actually admitted it)
*she is no longer taking the medications, because they are obviously "causing too many problems" (again, no responsibility for her actions)
Mssg 4 (sick voice coming back, going full throttle into "feel sorry for me" mode)
*all her health issues are what caused her to "snap at SS1", "there are things, and SS2 saw it for himself, that there was unnecessary disrespect" (hell has frozen over, you mean all the things she denied ever happening really did happen?)
(she almost had me here, and then she lost it)
*neither DH or I understand what it is like to have a child grow inside of us, and they are part of her body (strange how we can understand how to relate to them and parent them, though)
*we took them away and ripped her heart out (odd how she doesn't remember fleeing the FormerHomeState with the children, which is what allowed DH to get Temp Custody in the first place, she had no problem ripping his heart out when he didn't know where they were for months!)
*it's just not fair that she has to miss out on them growing up just because of her health (she really doesn't get why she doesn't have custody of them! she really doesn't understand how HER actions led to what happened)
*she admits that we have done a good job with the boys and they are doing very well (finally, the recognition we have been living for, NOT!)
*she wants DH to stop sending her the letters by FedEx because she is off her medicine right now and she can "rationalize everything" (can't tell from these messages)
*she says the boys are part of "both of us" (so you mean DH did have a hand in creating them, they didn't spring virginally from "her body")
*it is going to be a better situation, now that she is not on her meds anymore (that is wishful thinking! she had these issues long before she became disabled and started taking her shopping list of medications)
*she's made mistakes and said things she really didn't mean (hard to tell at this point what things she means and what she doesn't)
*now she wants SS1 to come at least for a week so she can see him (you mean use as an emotional punching bag?)
Mssg 5 (very snotty voice)
*she can't imagine me having the "luxury" to go see a therapist just to deal with everyday life, and that I should have her problems to see what real problems are (hello, your actions are the only problems I need to see a therapist for)
*she wants to have a normal relationship with them, her health has come in the way, it is not her fault (the story of her life)
She really expects a free pass, as if DH is going to call her and tell her that she can do whatever she wants and treat people however she wants and we'll all give her an "excuse" note. She really thinks these messages show how she has a complete understanding of why things are the way they are, yet in fact, her comments only highlight how disjointed her reasoning is. The erratic changes in her voice, the contradictions from one minute to another, the continued fantasy that she is not responsible for anything, and yet deserves having everyone bend to her illogical thinking because she is the "mother". I used to think she was a spiteful person that spent her time thinking of ways to mess with us, and that one day she may get over it and things could be better. These messages have just confirmed for me that she does live in an alternate reality and things are never going to change. No matter what she does or says to hurt people, she will always see herself as the victim.
August 28, 2008
I'm Back!!!!!
Sorry about that...had to recharge the batteries! SS2 has been fine since he is back. He had some questions about the whole emergency room thing, so we talked about what we had found out from his records and the ER doctor, and he went the next day to the pediatrician's for his physical. Pediatrician had already had a chance to review the information we had dropped off, so was totally up to speed about what happened. She is not recommending any of the tests BM insists need to be done, as SS2 has NO SYMPTOMS. SS2 seemed relieved, and went on his merry way. She also was able to refer us to a nutritionist for SS2, because he just won't believe us when we tell him taking a sandwich and 3 packages of crackers is not an appropriate school lunch. Nor is buying himself energy drinks instead of water a good choice when he rides his bike into town to visit his friends. At 13, he spends more and more time away from our immediate supervision, and he needs to get a grasp on the choices he makes when we are not there. Sooo, that is headed in the right direction anyway. Pediatrician didn't say anything about being contacted by BM - big surprise.
Then we jumped right into school clothes and supply shopping. And the first day of school. So the last week has just been one thing after another. Oh, and then Friday, after being told specifically by us not to ride bikes at his friend's baseball practice (SS2 was spending the night at this friend's house), SS2 convinced the friend's mom to bring the friend's bike to the practice, he fell over the handlebars, and hurt his wrist. No sleepover that night! Then SS2 was, of course, crippled and consumed by his injury, and kept talking about what kind of cast he would have, so we knew he was already getting ready to tell BM that he broke his arm. So next am, back to the pediatrician we go, x-ray, and only a sprained wrist. He has had to wear a hand brace for the week, which really put a damper on his last days of summer vacation, and could quite possibly interfere with his participation in our canoe trip planned for this weekend. Lesson learned, hopefully.
DH left a message for BM regarding SS2's wrist and SS2 called BM when he got home from the pediatrician, but although BM has left messages every night on SS2's phone, he has yet to call her back. Not quite sure what he is avoiding.
Oh, and you're going to love this. Remember how BM was too poor to make the change in flight arrangement's for SS2 herself? Well, now she's told SS1 that she is sending him $500 for his truck. Hello????? Even SS1 isn't checking the mail everyday to see when it comes.
Then we jumped right into school clothes and supply shopping. And the first day of school. So the last week has just been one thing after another. Oh, and then Friday, after being told specifically by us not to ride bikes at his friend's baseball practice (SS2 was spending the night at this friend's house), SS2 convinced the friend's mom to bring the friend's bike to the practice, he fell over the handlebars, and hurt his wrist. No sleepover that night! Then SS2 was, of course, crippled and consumed by his injury, and kept talking about what kind of cast he would have, so we knew he was already getting ready to tell BM that he broke his arm. So next am, back to the pediatrician we go, x-ray, and only a sprained wrist. He has had to wear a hand brace for the week, which really put a damper on his last days of summer vacation, and could quite possibly interfere with his participation in our canoe trip planned for this weekend. Lesson learned, hopefully.
DH left a message for BM regarding SS2's wrist and SS2 called BM when he got home from the pediatrician, but although BM has left messages every night on SS2's phone, he has yet to call her back. Not quite sure what he is avoiding.
Oh, and you're going to love this. Remember how BM was too poor to make the change in flight arrangement's for SS2 herself? Well, now she's told SS1 that she is sending him $500 for his truck. Hello????? Even SS1 isn't checking the mail everyday to see when it comes.
August 10, 2008
Predictions for the 20th:
1) BM will try one last attempt to get DH to change the flight.
2) There will be some type of natural disaster preventing her from getting SS2 back to her state in time for his flight (my guess, flood).
3) There will be some type of construction delay, they will get lost, or there will be a vehicle break-down preventing her from getting SS2 back to her state in time for his flight.
4) She gets "sick" while visiting her parents, hospitalized, of course, preventing her from getting SS2 back to her state in time for his flight.
5) She gets it in her head to file some ex parte motion in FormerHomeState while she is down there.
Which of these will play out? We'll have to wait and see...but it will be a miracle if all we have to do is go to our airport and pick him up!
2) There will be some type of natural disaster preventing her from getting SS2 back to her state in time for his flight (my guess, flood).
3) There will be some type of construction delay, they will get lost, or there will be a vehicle break-down preventing her from getting SS2 back to her state in time for his flight.
4) She gets "sick" while visiting her parents, hospitalized, of course, preventing her from getting SS2 back to her state in time for his flight.
5) She gets it in her head to file some ex parte motion in FormerHomeState while she is down there.
Which of these will play out? We'll have to wait and see...but it will be a miracle if all we have to do is go to our airport and pick him up!
August 8, 2008
ER Dr.'s Response
I have been out of town and have just returned and read your letter. I wanted to respond to your concerns in writing as per your request. As for your first concern, SS2's mother stated that when he was 5 months old he was seen and treated by a specialist who had recommended certain tests when he was older that she stated were never done. What I told her was that the testing I performed that evening would not replace any formal testing that he was suppose to have and that if these were in fact previously recommended that SS2 should be in contact with his specialist for this testing. I did not request any of the testing you mentioned in your letter. From my standpoint he had some very mild irritation with no long term issues from the incident on 7/12/08. In my opinion he will be perfectly fine to follow with his primary doctor when he returns from his summer visit. If I would have wanted any further testing it would have been arranged at the time of visit. I hope that this clarifies the situation and if you need to contact me please use the reply email.
What a great guy! This is exactly what we needed to give to the pediatrician. From past experience dealing with anyone who has had contact with BM, we really expected him to blow us off. Apparently there are a few people left in the world who actually care about the children and aren't scared off by the drama! I also thought it was very generous of him to give us his email, as it is impossible to contact him by phone. BM is so full of shit, and it actually sickens me that she would want SS2 to have to go through invasive procedures just to try to show she is a "good mommy." Don't parents want to avoid having their child go through unnecessary testing and anxiety? Ugghh!
What a great guy! This is exactly what we needed to give to the pediatrician. From past experience dealing with anyone who has had contact with BM, we really expected him to blow us off. Apparently there are a few people left in the world who actually care about the children and aren't scared off by the drama! I also thought it was very generous of him to give us his email, as it is impossible to contact him by phone. BM is so full of shit, and it actually sickens me that she would want SS2 to have to go through invasive procedures just to try to show she is a "good mommy." Don't parents want to avoid having their child go through unnecessary testing and anxiety? Ugghh!
August 2, 2008
Incessant Phone Calls
Since the 27th, we have gotten an almost daily barrage of phone calls from BM. I'll just bullet the general idea to save me the agony of having to listen to them word for word again.
* SS2 calls to find out when he is leaving. We did not call him back. (Read: BM made SS2 get on phone and call us since we didn't call her back and she hadn't received our letter yet.)
* BM: she will be going down and we either change his flight or he is not coming back (yes, she actually said it) and she will have DH arrested for not sending SS1 (funny how it took her 5 weeks to be concerned with the fact that he didn't come down), DH is selfish, SS2 is sitting right there, SS2 has read DH's letter, and DH can call SS2 and tell him he can't visit his grandparents (we never said he couldn't, he just needs to be back at the pre-arranged time).
* BM: (In a classic case of BM psychiatric chaos, she has discovered how to use her not getting her way as a bonus for her. The previous phone call, just over one hour before this one, was screaming, high pitched babble. This phone call was calm, almost gleeful, with an air of arrogance. It is like you can almost see her brain forming her alternate reality right before your eyes.) She is going back to what we agreed, SS2 can now see what we are like and what she has had to deal with for years, he is witnessing everything, this is a blessing in disguise, we're hurting him, and maybe this way, we'll have time to squeeze in his medical appointment before school starts, since SS2 had to come to her with all his medical concerns.
*BM: calls to inform us that she got the letter about us taking SS2 to the Dr. for a physical shortly after he gets back and that DH will discuss BM's concerns with the Dr. She states "that was all she wanted."
*BM: calls with a litany of family history of thyroid issues, something about some radiation cocktail, her parents want to pay to have SS2's ticket changed, and if we could find it "in our heart" to change the reservation, we are making a big deal out of it, she would never do this if it a medical emergency happened to DH's parents.
*SS1 flew to Former Home State to see both sets of grandparents. While he was with her parents, they of course forced him to talk to BM on the phone. She started bribing with all the things they would do at Christmastime, and SS1 said he didn't think he would be coming at Christmas. On came her tears, her father took the phone from SS1 and said to BM, "Maybe he'll change his mind by Christmas" and winked at SS1. They go to the movies and get a call that BM had to go to the emergency room because she passed out putting a tape in the VCR. SS1 is so disappointed that his time with his grandparents was interrupted by her drama. (Note: BM's father is working, going to the movies, and not having a medical emergency. Surprise, surprise!)
*BM: calls to state that she knows DH's signature and I forged one of the letters we sent her, and that is against the law. (What is really funny is that he did sign it! I think she thinks it was mailed after DH went to Former Home State this week. What a dumb ass!)
*BM: calls to insist that she have the phone number for SS2's Dr. here so she can talk to the Dr. herself. And we better get her the number in a couple days, or else.
So, as of right now, looks like SS2 is coming back on time. Until her brain takes a sharp turn to the right again, anyway. I'm calling Monday to get in to see the Dr. so we can give her all our documentation and give her a heads up about BM calling before we send BM the number. We are also going to get the ER report and hopefully our letter to the ER doc in SS2's medical file and another letter requesting that DH be informed of any appointments made for SS2, so if she calls for his records, that info will go with. We are also going to try to get SS2's Dr. to call the ER Dr. and find out what we asked for in the letter, since we still have had no response from him. We'll see how it goes!
* SS2 calls to find out when he is leaving. We did not call him back. (Read: BM made SS2 get on phone and call us since we didn't call her back and she hadn't received our letter yet.)
* BM: she will be going down and we either change his flight or he is not coming back (yes, she actually said it) and she will have DH arrested for not sending SS1 (funny how it took her 5 weeks to be concerned with the fact that he didn't come down), DH is selfish, SS2 is sitting right there, SS2 has read DH's letter, and DH can call SS2 and tell him he can't visit his grandparents (we never said he couldn't, he just needs to be back at the pre-arranged time).
* BM: (In a classic case of BM psychiatric chaos, she has discovered how to use her not getting her way as a bonus for her. The previous phone call, just over one hour before this one, was screaming, high pitched babble. This phone call was calm, almost gleeful, with an air of arrogance. It is like you can almost see her brain forming her alternate reality right before your eyes.) She is going back to what we agreed, SS2 can now see what we are like and what she has had to deal with for years, he is witnessing everything, this is a blessing in disguise, we're hurting him, and maybe this way, we'll have time to squeeze in his medical appointment before school starts, since SS2 had to come to her with all his medical concerns.
*BM: calls to inform us that she got the letter about us taking SS2 to the Dr. for a physical shortly after he gets back and that DH will discuss BM's concerns with the Dr. She states "that was all she wanted."
*BM: calls with a litany of family history of thyroid issues, something about some radiation cocktail, her parents want to pay to have SS2's ticket changed, and if we could find it "in our heart" to change the reservation, we are making a big deal out of it, she would never do this if it a medical emergency happened to DH's parents.
*SS1 flew to Former Home State to see both sets of grandparents. While he was with her parents, they of course forced him to talk to BM on the phone. She started bribing with all the things they would do at Christmastime, and SS1 said he didn't think he would be coming at Christmas. On came her tears, her father took the phone from SS1 and said to BM, "Maybe he'll change his mind by Christmas" and winked at SS1. They go to the movies and get a call that BM had to go to the emergency room because she passed out putting a tape in the VCR. SS1 is so disappointed that his time with his grandparents was interrupted by her drama. (Note: BM's father is working, going to the movies, and not having a medical emergency. Surprise, surprise!)
*BM: calls to state that she knows DH's signature and I forged one of the letters we sent her, and that is against the law. (What is really funny is that he did sign it! I think she thinks it was mailed after DH went to Former Home State this week. What a dumb ass!)
*BM: calls to insist that she have the phone number for SS2's Dr. here so she can talk to the Dr. herself. And we better get her the number in a couple days, or else.
So, as of right now, looks like SS2 is coming back on time. Until her brain takes a sharp turn to the right again, anyway. I'm calling Monday to get in to see the Dr. so we can give her all our documentation and give her a heads up about BM calling before we send BM the number. We are also going to get the ER report and hopefully our letter to the ER doc in SS2's medical file and another letter requesting that DH be informed of any appointments made for SS2, so if she calls for his records, that info will go with. We are also going to try to get SS2's Dr. to call the ER Dr. and find out what we asked for in the letter, since we still have had no response from him. We'll see how it goes!
Letter to ER Dr
Since we are unable to reach him by phone, we FedExed a letter to him:
Dr. Emergency Room,
You provided emergency services to SS2 on 7/12/08 for difficulty breathing. I have received a copy your emergency room report.
My first concern is that in your report, there is no indication that you recommended that SS2 receive a barium swallow, a bronchoscopy and a thyroid test. However, SS2’s mother
has informed me that you did and that these procedures/tests MUST be performed. She also indicated in your report that there was some recommendation that this be done when SS2 was 10, however there is no recommendation in his current medical records for this procedure, nor has his primary care physician ever recommended it.
She also stated that his airway had swelled up and that you were unable to maneuver the scope due to this swelling. I also see no indication of that in your report, and specifically the only abnormal finding upon examination seemed to have been “mild redness” and “mild expiratory stridor”.
Just to clarify my position: I have had court ordered physical custody of SS2 and his brother since 2000. His mother and I are not separated, as she indicated in the report, we have been divorced since 2001. There are no current custody issues, SS2’s mother has summer and Christmas visitation. She has a history of court-documented mental illness and this is not the first time she has unsuccessfully used emergency room services for SS2 as a way to effect a change in a current court order.
I tried to contact you by phone the day she notified me of the emergency room visit, 12 days after, on July 24, 2008. I was informed by one of the receptionists that I would be unable to ever speak to you on the phone to discuss SS2’s health with you. A nurse, Dave, was only able to confirm what was stated in the report, and indicated that BM had tried to schedule the procedures to be done on July 17th, however she canceled the appointment. BM stated that she had attempted to have these procedures done, without my knowledge I might add, but was unable to because recommendation was required from SS2’s primary care physician here in CurrentHomeState, as well as copies of his medical records.
I have already notified her that SS2 will be visiting his primary care physician anyway shortly after his return home for his fall sports physical and the issues she has brought up will be discussed. However, as she has threatened to “report” me if these procedures are not performed, I cannot stress to you enough how important it is that I receive either a confirmation or denial in writing of the recommendations she has stated you made, as well as what information any recommendations may have been based on.
I also want to assure you that SS2’s anxiety was not a result of anything I have said to him. He has been in counseling for years to deal with his mother’s erratic behavior. In fact, before he left for the summer, his counselor addressed his concerns about having to agree with statements his mother makes which he knows are not true. The counselor gave him an example of what his goal should be for the summer. If SS2 has blue shorts on and his mother insists they are red, he is to agree with her and say they are red to try to diffuse the effects of her impaired reality, but he is to come home still knowing his shorts are blue. I suspect that this may explain his heightened anxiety.
I can see from the careful wording in your report that you may have had some indication that there was more going on than what was being told to you. Any statements I have made to you in this letter regarding what BM has said to me have been left on my voicemail and I can send/email you a recording if you are concerned about the validity of any of my statements, as well as any court documentation you may need.
I would like to thank you for the attentive care you provided for SS2 during his visit, and am hoping that a written response from you, along with the other information we have about his health, will insure that SS2 receives the most appropriate medical care in the future.
No response yet, we'll see...
Dr. Emergency Room,
You provided emergency services to SS2 on 7/12/08 for difficulty breathing. I have received a copy your emergency room report.
My first concern is that in your report, there is no indication that you recommended that SS2 receive a barium swallow, a bronchoscopy and a thyroid test. However, SS2’s mother
has informed me that you did and that these procedures/tests MUST be performed. She also indicated in your report that there was some recommendation that this be done when SS2 was 10, however there is no recommendation in his current medical records for this procedure, nor has his primary care physician ever recommended it.
She also stated that his airway had swelled up and that you were unable to maneuver the scope due to this swelling. I also see no indication of that in your report, and specifically the only abnormal finding upon examination seemed to have been “mild redness” and “mild expiratory stridor”.
Just to clarify my position: I have had court ordered physical custody of SS2 and his brother since 2000. His mother and I are not separated, as she indicated in the report, we have been divorced since 2001. There are no current custody issues, SS2’s mother has summer and Christmas visitation. She has a history of court-documented mental illness and this is not the first time she has unsuccessfully used emergency room services for SS2 as a way to effect a change in a current court order.
I tried to contact you by phone the day she notified me of the emergency room visit, 12 days after, on July 24, 2008. I was informed by one of the receptionists that I would be unable to ever speak to you on the phone to discuss SS2’s health with you. A nurse, Dave, was only able to confirm what was stated in the report, and indicated that BM had tried to schedule the procedures to be done on July 17th, however she canceled the appointment. BM stated that she had attempted to have these procedures done, without my knowledge I might add, but was unable to because recommendation was required from SS2’s primary care physician here in CurrentHomeState, as well as copies of his medical records.
I have already notified her that SS2 will be visiting his primary care physician anyway shortly after his return home for his fall sports physical and the issues she has brought up will be discussed. However, as she has threatened to “report” me if these procedures are not performed, I cannot stress to you enough how important it is that I receive either a confirmation or denial in writing of the recommendations she has stated you made, as well as what information any recommendations may have been based on.
I also want to assure you that SS2’s anxiety was not a result of anything I have said to him. He has been in counseling for years to deal with his mother’s erratic behavior. In fact, before he left for the summer, his counselor addressed his concerns about having to agree with statements his mother makes which he knows are not true. The counselor gave him an example of what his goal should be for the summer. If SS2 has blue shorts on and his mother insists they are red, he is to agree with her and say they are red to try to diffuse the effects of her impaired reality, but he is to come home still knowing his shorts are blue. I suspect that this may explain his heightened anxiety.
I can see from the careful wording in your report that you may have had some indication that there was more going on than what was being told to you. Any statements I have made to you in this letter regarding what BM has said to me have been left on my voicemail and I can send/email you a recording if you are concerned about the validity of any of my statements, as well as any court documentation you may need.
I would like to thank you for the attentive care you provided for SS2 during his visit, and am hoping that a written response from you, along with the other information we have about his health, will insure that SS2 receives the most appropriate medical care in the future.
No response yet, we'll see...
Dumb and Dumber!
The following is a response to a post on someone else's blog, who is going through similar things with their BM. I am posting here because mister-m brought up this exact topic in a response. Thank you for concurring!
Just shaking my head, back and forth, back and forth. It has got to be some kind of affliction related to Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy. Not to the point of actually doing anything to the child to make them sick, but filling their heads to make them "think" they are sick. Ironically, as I looked up Munchausen on the internet to see how to spell it, I came across this list:
Illnesses and conditions that are feigned by Munchausen sufferers
* Acid reflux
* Anxiety disorder
* Arthritis
* Asperger syndrome
* Cancer
* Clinical depression
* Dissociative identity disorder (Multiple Personalities)
* Electrolyte disturbance
* Heart disease
* Lupus
* Kidney disease
* Post-traumatic stress disorder
* Sexual abuse
The only ones our BM hasn't said she has is acid reflux, Multiple Personalities, and Aspergers. She has all the others, though.
I can definitely sympathize with you about the "pink spots", we had to take SS2 to the Dr's and have the Dr explain to him that he would not die from eating sunny-side up/over easy eggs. Another time, SS1 was going to sleep over at one of his friend's houses (I'll call him Sam), while Sam was spending the weekend at his dad's house and SS1 was spending the weekend at BM's. Apparently BM informed SS1 that his sister at BM's house had a rash and BM thought it might be "Scarlet Fever" - ooooooh, scary sounding and garnering lots of sympathy? Well, unfortunately for SS1, he told Sam's dad and step-mom about it during the car ride back to their house. Step-mom happened to be pregnant and they flipped out thinking they had some Scarlet Fever carrier in their car. They made him sit outside their house until BM came to pick him up. No sleepover for SS1. And no Scarlet Fever for SS1's sister!
I forgot to add in this post reply, that one time SS2 had poison ivy all over him. We took him to the dr's (not the emergency room!) and he got an allergy shot and we were told to have him take baths in Epsom Salts. He had been doing that for about a week, then it was BM's weekend, and we sent over the salts with instructions. At 12:30 in the morning, we get a call from her saying that she had just got off the phone with Poison Control and that the Epsom "Salts" were causing edema in his legs and she had pulled him out of the bathtub and would not be having him take the bath again. Seriously! DH called Poison Control after getting off the phone with BM, and believe it or not, actually talked to the same operator that BM did. She said she never told BM edema could occur from soaking in Epsom Salts. (Apparently, SS2 must have eaten the "salts" before they dissolved in the water - hee, hee). Needless to say, when SS2 came back 1 1/2 days later, in the tub he went with the Epsom Salts.
Good grief! Dumb and dumber.
Just shaking my head, back and forth, back and forth. It has got to be some kind of affliction related to Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy. Not to the point of actually doing anything to the child to make them sick, but filling their heads to make them "think" they are sick. Ironically, as I looked up Munchausen on the internet to see how to spell it, I came across this list:
Illnesses and conditions that are feigned by Munchausen sufferers
* Acid reflux
* Anxiety disorder
* Arthritis
* Asperger syndrome
* Cancer
* Clinical depression
* Dissociative identity disorder (Multiple Personalities)
* Electrolyte disturbance
* Heart disease
* Lupus
* Kidney disease
* Post-traumatic stress disorder
* Sexual abuse
The only ones our BM hasn't said she has is acid reflux, Multiple Personalities, and Aspergers. She has all the others, though.
I can definitely sympathize with you about the "pink spots", we had to take SS2 to the Dr's and have the Dr explain to him that he would not die from eating sunny-side up/over easy eggs. Another time, SS1 was going to sleep over at one of his friend's houses (I'll call him Sam), while Sam was spending the weekend at his dad's house and SS1 was spending the weekend at BM's. Apparently BM informed SS1 that his sister at BM's house had a rash and BM thought it might be "Scarlet Fever" - ooooooh, scary sounding and garnering lots of sympathy? Well, unfortunately for SS1, he told Sam's dad and step-mom about it during the car ride back to their house. Step-mom happened to be pregnant and they flipped out thinking they had some Scarlet Fever carrier in their car. They made him sit outside their house until BM came to pick him up. No sleepover for SS1. And no Scarlet Fever for SS1's sister!
I forgot to add in this post reply, that one time SS2 had poison ivy all over him. We took him to the dr's (not the emergency room!) and he got an allergy shot and we were told to have him take baths in Epsom Salts. He had been doing that for about a week, then it was BM's weekend, and we sent over the salts with instructions. At 12:30 in the morning, we get a call from her saying that she had just got off the phone with Poison Control and that the Epsom "Salts" were causing edema in his legs and she had pulled him out of the bathtub and would not be having him take the bath again. Seriously! DH called Poison Control after getting off the phone with BM, and believe it or not, actually talked to the same operator that BM did. She said she never told BM edema could occur from soaking in Epsom Salts. (Apparently, SS2 must have eaten the "salts" before they dissolved in the water - hee, hee). Needless to say, when SS2 came back 1 1/2 days later, in the tub he went with the Epsom Salts.
Good grief! Dumb and dumber.
July 27, 2008
Flight Issues
So now she is leaving messages saying that she is driving from Her Current Home State to Our Former Home State with SS2 to see her parents, and that we must change SS2's flight to leave from that state instead.
She has known all summer what his reservation was and she agreed to it. Never did she say he would be leaving from a different state. She also did not plan this trip until she found out SS1 (who has spent the summer with us) was going down to visit her parents in a couple weeks. She is trying to get SS1 cornered at her parents' house. Unbelievable!
When SS1 found this out, he said he only wanted to visit DH's parents instead if BM was going to be at her parents, but we decided he should be able to see them, so he is flying down early instead. We discussed with SS1 that this was exactly why we don't typically tell them about plans such as this, because they blab to the Grandparents and then BM finds some way to screw everything up. He had bugged the crap out of us about seeing his Grandfather, and we knew he was feeling bad about not getting to see his sister, and we really though he had wised up enough to keep his trap shut. His response was "But I didn't think she would drive all the way down to do that." Hello, your own mother called the police on you for acting like a teenager and you didn't think she could pull this off? Wake the @$#*%! up!
DH tried to ask her to just leave a few days early so she could be back in time to get him on the scheduled flight, but she said she "had plans" and wasn't changing her plans. Hello, what about the plans she had with us first? She then starting laying into DH about the whole Spring Break thing, so he hung up. Unfortunately we were talking to SS2 before she got on the phone. SS2 called back about 10 minutes later, and can you believe this, starting apologizing to us, saying, "I didn't know she was going to get like that." Wake the @$#*%! up!
DH told him there was nothing to apologize to us for and to just do what he had to do to have a good rest of his summer (in other words, tow BM's line until he can get out of there!)
Her last message reiterated that she wasn't changing her plans and DH had to change the flight, implying that she was not sending SS2 back if the flight wasn't changed. She also threatened DH and said if he didn't get those medical tests for SS2 that she was "reporting" him. Oh, and get this, she said SS2 had told her he had an "open ended flight". The email we sent on April 15 had a date - that is clearly not an open-ended flight, nor did SS2 book his reservation, so why would she think a 13 year old was a reliable source of this information?
I knew she would mess this summer up!
There are two alternative tracks she could take. One would be to really go to see her parents and really not send SS2 back. This is the scenario we have been dreading and looking forward to at the same time. This would be our slam dunk as far as going back to court. But it would also be a pain in the ass for the boys and us.
The other would be to cancel her trip to see her parents or do it after SS2 leaves and then blame DH for the fact that SS2 couldn't see her parents. Conveniently omitting the information that she had since April to plan this trip around SS2's flight and didn't. I think SS2 would see through this strategy and it could most certainly be addressed in counseling and while it would do less damage in the long run, is nothing we can use in court.
Here's an idea, how 'bout we all get to have a NORMAL @$#*%! SUMMER!
She has known all summer what his reservation was and she agreed to it. Never did she say he would be leaving from a different state. She also did not plan this trip until she found out SS1 (who has spent the summer with us) was going down to visit her parents in a couple weeks. She is trying to get SS1 cornered at her parents' house. Unbelievable!
When SS1 found this out, he said he only wanted to visit DH's parents instead if BM was going to be at her parents, but we decided he should be able to see them, so he is flying down early instead. We discussed with SS1 that this was exactly why we don't typically tell them about plans such as this, because they blab to the Grandparents and then BM finds some way to screw everything up. He had bugged the crap out of us about seeing his Grandfather, and we knew he was feeling bad about not getting to see his sister, and we really though he had wised up enough to keep his trap shut. His response was "But I didn't think she would drive all the way down to do that." Hello, your own mother called the police on you for acting like a teenager and you didn't think she could pull this off? Wake the @$#*%! up!
DH tried to ask her to just leave a few days early so she could be back in time to get him on the scheduled flight, but she said she "had plans" and wasn't changing her plans. Hello, what about the plans she had with us first? She then starting laying into DH about the whole Spring Break thing, so he hung up. Unfortunately we were talking to SS2 before she got on the phone. SS2 called back about 10 minutes later, and can you believe this, starting apologizing to us, saying, "I didn't know she was going to get like that." Wake the @$#*%! up!
DH told him there was nothing to apologize to us for and to just do what he had to do to have a good rest of his summer (in other words, tow BM's line until he can get out of there!)
Her last message reiterated that she wasn't changing her plans and DH had to change the flight, implying that she was not sending SS2 back if the flight wasn't changed. She also threatened DH and said if he didn't get those medical tests for SS2 that she was "reporting" him. Oh, and get this, she said SS2 had told her he had an "open ended flight". The email we sent on April 15 had a date - that is clearly not an open-ended flight, nor did SS2 book his reservation, so why would she think a 13 year old was a reliable source of this information?
I knew she would mess this summer up!
There are two alternative tracks she could take. One would be to really go to see her parents and really not send SS2 back. This is the scenario we have been dreading and looking forward to at the same time. This would be our slam dunk as far as going back to court. But it would also be a pain in the ass for the boys and us.
The other would be to cancel her trip to see her parents or do it after SS2 leaves and then blame DH for the fact that SS2 couldn't see her parents. Conveniently omitting the information that she had since April to plan this trip around SS2's flight and didn't. I think SS2 would see through this strategy and it could most certainly be addressed in counseling and while it would do less damage in the long run, is nothing we can use in court.
Here's an idea, how 'bout we all get to have a NORMAL @$#*%! SUMMER!
July 24, 2008
We knew it! Summer ER Trip #1 continued...
Got SS2's medical records in the mail today. BM is so full of crap it isn't even funny. And she thinks just because she tells someone something and they write it down it is true!
This is the choking on an ice cube incident.
Dr's notes:
"His mother reports that the patient had vascular ring surgery when he was 5 months old. He lives with his father in Current State and is visiting mom for the summer. He apparently was supposed to have a formal endoscopic exam at age 10, but mother states that this did not happen. His parents are separated and there appears to be some custody issues."
Only the first two sentences here are accurate. No formal endoscopic exam was ever recommended and this issue has been discussed with his primary care physician and he stated that there was nothing that needed to be done as SS2 aged.
But really, if she was that concerned, why did she wait until he was 13 to complain about it? She has had him for several weeks each summer since then, why did she not make him an appointment?
Hello, they are divorced, not separated, and there are no custody issues. DH has physical and she does not. What is the issue?
She had the doctor perform an oropharyngoscopy and a soft tissue neck x-ray. Are you kidding me? Talk about having a child undergo unnecessary medical procedures!
"His airway was wide open, and other than some mild redness as noted above in the right hypopharynx. He had normal-appearing cords, and all the other structures were of normal appearance without evidence of any edema or airway compromise. I visualized through the cords, and this also appeared normal proximally...His symptoms seemed to be somewhat accentuated by anxiety."
"When I came into the room to perfrom the procedure, the patient had a brief episode of being upset and tearful. His mother stated that he was upset because his father told him to not go to the emergency room before he left Current State to visit his mother this summer. The nursing staff came to me at discharge and stated that his mother requested that I put this in my dictation."
Gee, do you think he might be nervous because he knows his mom is making the Dr stick something down his throat over something stupid, just so she can take jabs at DH? I find it interesting that the 13 year old did not say that DH told him not to go to the emergency room, his mother did. I'm sure SS2 was told not to talk. And she really thinks that because she had something put into the dictation that that somehow verifies it? And why would we tell him that when we know he has no choice in the matter anyway, that once she sees some avenue to disparage DH she is going to no matter what.
Now we know why SS2 called us that night to tell us about it. He knew it was wrong and what she was saying was wrong and he wanted us to find out about it. What to do now, though? Just wait until she tries to use it somehow?
Personally, I think this makes her look like a freak with an agenda, but what do you think a judge would think? I know I'm too close to this to have a rational opinion.
This is the choking on an ice cube incident.
Dr's notes:
"His mother reports that the patient had vascular ring surgery when he was 5 months old. He lives with his father in Current State and is visiting mom for the summer. He apparently was supposed to have a formal endoscopic exam at age 10, but mother states that this did not happen. His parents are separated and there appears to be some custody issues."
Only the first two sentences here are accurate. No formal endoscopic exam was ever recommended and this issue has been discussed with his primary care physician and he stated that there was nothing that needed to be done as SS2 aged.
But really, if she was that concerned, why did she wait until he was 13 to complain about it? She has had him for several weeks each summer since then, why did she not make him an appointment?
Hello, they are divorced, not separated, and there are no custody issues. DH has physical and she does not. What is the issue?
She had the doctor perform an oropharyngoscopy and a soft tissue neck x-ray. Are you kidding me? Talk about having a child undergo unnecessary medical procedures!
"His airway was wide open, and other than some mild redness as noted above in the right hypopharynx. He had normal-appearing cords, and all the other structures were of normal appearance without evidence of any edema or airway compromise. I visualized through the cords, and this also appeared normal proximally...His symptoms seemed to be somewhat accentuated by anxiety."
"When I came into the room to perfrom the procedure, the patient had a brief episode of being upset and tearful. His mother stated that he was upset because his father told him to not go to the emergency room before he left Current State to visit his mother this summer. The nursing staff came to me at discharge and stated that his mother requested that I put this in my dictation."
Gee, do you think he might be nervous because he knows his mom is making the Dr stick something down his throat over something stupid, just so she can take jabs at DH? I find it interesting that the 13 year old did not say that DH told him not to go to the emergency room, his mother did. I'm sure SS2 was told not to talk. And she really thinks that because she had something put into the dictation that that somehow verifies it? And why would we tell him that when we know he has no choice in the matter anyway, that once she sees some avenue to disparage DH she is going to no matter what.
Now we know why SS2 called us that night to tell us about it. He knew it was wrong and what she was saying was wrong and he wanted us to find out about it. What to do now, though? Just wait until she tries to use it somehow?
Personally, I think this makes her look like a freak with an agenda, but what do you think a judge would think? I know I'm too close to this to have a rational opinion.
July 14, 2008
Called the Hospital
Tried to find out where she took SS2 this weekend to the Emergency Room from the insurance, but they won't know for 30-60 days. So I googled the hospitals in the area, and what do you know, I actually hit it on the first one.
Get this - she gave no insurance information, even though she has a copy of his card, and the account was listed under his name alone. The woman in billing said this was very unusual, since minors are always under one parent or another for billing. In other words, she managed to get the bill in SS2's name, so when she never pays it, it will go on his credit instead of hers. She also did not pay the copay, but the billing person said their policy is to make the person who brought the child in pay it, so we might not have to pay that after all.
I just can't figure out a) why she is keeping it a secret from us and b) why she wouldn't give the insurance information (it's not like she's going to pay the bill). The only thing I can think of is she wants to make a big hassle for us to have to weed through dealing with the insurance company. Lucky for us, SS2 tipped us off and we are taking care of it before it becomes a big mess. She's up to something, though!
Get this - she gave no insurance information, even though she has a copy of his card, and the account was listed under his name alone. The woman in billing said this was very unusual, since minors are always under one parent or another for billing. In other words, she managed to get the bill in SS2's name, so when she never pays it, it will go on his credit instead of hers. She also did not pay the copay, but the billing person said their policy is to make the person who brought the child in pay it, so we might not have to pay that after all.
I just can't figure out a) why she is keeping it a secret from us and b) why she wouldn't give the insurance information (it's not like she's going to pay the bill). The only thing I can think of is she wants to make a big hassle for us to have to weed through dealing with the insurance company. Lucky for us, SS2 tipped us off and we are taking care of it before it becomes a big mess. She's up to something, though!
July 13, 2008
Summer Emergency Room Trip #1
SS2 leaves us a message at 1:30 am last night to let us know that BM had taken him to the Emergency Room because he "choked" on an ice cube. I'm pretty sure ice cubes melt inside our bodies, so the likelihood of choking on one seems pretty small to me. I could understand if he was a toddler, but we're talking about a 13 year old here.
So he leaves a message telling us that it happened, but that he was fine. BM didn't even let us know and she has no idea that SS2 told us. I can't believe her! This is why she doesn't have custody. If she did, DH would know nothing about the boys (except when they are not having sex with the girl sleeping over).
SS2 didn't talk about it at all on the phone tonight because BM was standing right next to him when we were talking to him. Then while SS1 was talking to SS2, she got SS2 to ask SS1 to talk to her. She just can't let SS2 be and stay out of all her issues with SS1.
Then she gets on the phone and tells SS1 all the things they bought for SS2 and how much money she spent on him, and by the way, she's sending SS1 a sweatshirt. Apparently, he only gets the consolation prize since he didn't come visit this summer (which in her mind is SS1's fault, not her's).
So he leaves a message telling us that it happened, but that he was fine. BM didn't even let us know and she has no idea that SS2 told us. I can't believe her! This is why she doesn't have custody. If she did, DH would know nothing about the boys (except when they are not having sex with the girl sleeping over).
SS2 didn't talk about it at all on the phone tonight because BM was standing right next to him when we were talking to him. Then while SS1 was talking to SS2, she got SS2 to ask SS1 to talk to her. She just can't let SS2 be and stay out of all her issues with SS1.
Then she gets on the phone and tells SS1 all the things they bought for SS2 and how much money she spent on him, and by the way, she's sending SS1 a sweatshirt. Apparently, he only gets the consolation prize since he didn't come visit this summer (which in her mind is SS1's fault, not her's).
July 11, 2008
The Sick Voice
BM has a tendency to have two separate voices (well, 3, if you include the "screaming at the top of your lungs" voice.)
The first is her sickening sweet, "I'm the best mommy in the world" voice. This is what she uses when she is trying to make up for something, or bribe the boys, or try to mislead DH into thinking that she is being cooperative, when really she is planning some type of attack. We treat anything said with this voice with extreme caution.
The second is her "sick voice". This is the voice she uses when she is explaining why she couldn't pick the boys up on time, or why she didn't call when she said she would, or why she is canceling her weekend. She also uses this voice when she wants to get something and feels sympathy would boost her case.
What is very odd about the "sick voice" is that it comes and goes in conversation. Sometimes she speaks normally to DH and when he hands the phone to the kids, the "sick voice" starts. Or sometimes it is the opposite, and she speaks to the boys normally, but then when she talks to DH, it is in the "sick voice". A couple times she has left messages in the same day, usually only a few minutes apart, and she apparently has forgotten which voice she was using, because one message will be in the "sick voice" and the other one will be in the "best mommy" voice.
Very odd!
The first is her sickening sweet, "I'm the best mommy in the world" voice. This is what she uses when she is trying to make up for something, or bribe the boys, or try to mislead DH into thinking that she is being cooperative, when really she is planning some type of attack. We treat anything said with this voice with extreme caution.
The second is her "sick voice". This is the voice she uses when she is explaining why she couldn't pick the boys up on time, or why she didn't call when she said she would, or why she is canceling her weekend. She also uses this voice when she wants to get something and feels sympathy would boost her case.
What is very odd about the "sick voice" is that it comes and goes in conversation. Sometimes she speaks normally to DH and when he hands the phone to the kids, the "sick voice" starts. Or sometimes it is the opposite, and she speaks to the boys normally, but then when she talks to DH, it is in the "sick voice". A couple times she has left messages in the same day, usually only a few minutes apart, and she apparently has forgotten which voice she was using, because one message will be in the "sick voice" and the other one will be in the "best mommy" voice.
Very odd!
July 10, 2008
This little piggy cried all the way home!
SS2 called back...
...Guess what, no broken toe! Are you surprised?
...Guess what, no broken toe! Are you surprised?
July 7, 2008
Boys will be boys...
...or one would hope. BM has managed to turn SS2 into a perpetual victim. SS2 was born with his aorta wrapped around his esophagus, which was taken care of with surgery before his first birthday. Since then, BM has referred to SS2 as having a heart condition that somehow cripples him and limits what he can do. Once DH gained custody, we took SS2 (age 5 at the time) and his medical records to his pediatrician and confirmed with the doctor that there are NO long term issues regarding his health, that the issue was taken care of, and that he does not have a heart "condition". She has continued to treat SS2 as a victim, someone that needs continuous protection, and has never allowed him to be a "boy".
She takes him to the emergency room for the sniffles and tries to prevent custody exchange by saying DH would not give him his medicine.
She calls Poison Control at midnight because his legs got red when he was soaking in Epsom Salts for his poison ivy (which was recommended to us by the doctor). Why he was taking a bath at midnight, I still don't understand.
She has a hissy if SS2 and SS1 wrestle.
She called Child Protective Services on us because we had him stacking 8 pieces of wood in the sunroom by the stove this winter and he whined to her over the phone that he didn't want to do it and would "kill himself" if he had to keep doing it. She called DH and told him we were treating him like a slave (never mind the fact that we were the ones lugging the wood from the wood pile to the house).
She has made SS2 feel that he is weak, less than normal, and someone that requires extra protection from the rest of the world. It took us years to get him to try anything a little bit challenging or risky. He now has the ambition of a couch potato, gives up if anything is the least bit difficult, and constantly makes excuses for himself.
SS1 will never have a regular rough and tumble brotherly relationship with SS2. When SS2 gets a paper cut, he whines.
I feel sad for him, more than anything, because he's missed out on a lot. He doesn't climb trees, jump his bike, play football (only two-hand touch), or goof off with his brother. Why? Because he has a "heart condition" and has been taught by BM that he is unusually fragile.
Yet SS1's learning disability, which was identified by the school, has been completely ignored by her for years.
She takes him to the emergency room for the sniffles and tries to prevent custody exchange by saying DH would not give him his medicine.
She calls Poison Control at midnight because his legs got red when he was soaking in Epsom Salts for his poison ivy (which was recommended to us by the doctor). Why he was taking a bath at midnight, I still don't understand.
She has a hissy if SS2 and SS1 wrestle.
She called Child Protective Services on us because we had him stacking 8 pieces of wood in the sunroom by the stove this winter and he whined to her over the phone that he didn't want to do it and would "kill himself" if he had to keep doing it. She called DH and told him we were treating him like a slave (never mind the fact that we were the ones lugging the wood from the wood pile to the house).
She has made SS2 feel that he is weak, less than normal, and someone that requires extra protection from the rest of the world. It took us years to get him to try anything a little bit challenging or risky. He now has the ambition of a couch potato, gives up if anything is the least bit difficult, and constantly makes excuses for himself.
SS1 will never have a regular rough and tumble brotherly relationship with SS2. When SS2 gets a paper cut, he whines.
I feel sad for him, more than anything, because he's missed out on a lot. He doesn't climb trees, jump his bike, play football (only two-hand touch), or goof off with his brother. Why? Because he has a "heart condition" and has been taught by BM that he is unusually fragile.
Yet SS1's learning disability, which was identified by the school, has been completely ignored by her for years.
March 27, 2008
Police Reports, Round 2, Trying to regain primary custody
2-4-01 Family Trouble: BM has moved back from the state she fled to with the boys and is having her first visitation with them in 6 months. She picked them up Friday and was to return them on Sunday. As we are waiting at the pick-up location, DH gets a phone call from BM saying that if he wants the boys he needs to go to the hospital and pick them up. After we arrived, the hospital staff refused to allow DH to see the boys (her parents both work at this hospital). We waited 4 hours because they kept telling us it would just be a little longer. Finally DH called the police, we found out later that BM had already called the police.
Favorite lines:
"She stated she brought the child into the hospital for possible respiratory problems." SS2 had a cold.
"She further advised me she was very concerned DH would not follow through on getting the child's medication or any medical follow up." Pu-leese.
"She returned both children to DH without any further incident." Nice try, but the Temporary Custody paperwork don't lie.
What should have been a normal Sunday night, turned into a nightmare. The boys didn't get to bed until almost midnight on a school night! She really thought that officer so-and-so was going to say, "Gee, I don't know what that judge was thinking. Of course you can have custody of the children. Let me tell DH to go away." SS2, who had no problems with DH for the whole 6 months BM was gone, was suddenly afraid to even be near DH at the hospital. By the time we had driven the 45 minutes home, both SS2 and SS1 were back to their normal 5 and 8 year old selves.
Favorite lines:
"She stated she brought the child into the hospital for possible respiratory problems." SS2 had a cold.
"She further advised me she was very concerned DH would not follow through on getting the child's medication or any medical follow up." Pu-leese.
"She returned both children to DH without any further incident." Nice try, but the Temporary Custody paperwork don't lie.
What should have been a normal Sunday night, turned into a nightmare. The boys didn't get to bed until almost midnight on a school night! She really thought that officer so-and-so was going to say, "Gee, I don't know what that judge was thinking. Of course you can have custody of the children. Let me tell DH to go away." SS2, who had no problems with DH for the whole 6 months BM was gone, was suddenly afraid to even be near DH at the hospital. By the time we had driven the 45 minutes home, both SS2 and SS1 were back to their normal 5 and 8 year old selves.
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