You'd think she'd learn...

Does BM really think calling the kids to swear, scream, and threaten makes them have a stronger relationship? Clueless and out of control. The boys are so over it. Will she ever understand that she is damaging her relationship with her children herself?

Whip-it, whip-it good.

SS1's week trip was midway through SS2's 6 week trip. Shortly after we picked SS1 up from the airport, DH and SS1 took a road trip to visit DH's parents. DH called me from the road - he'd about had it. SS1 had spent 4 hours complaining about his trip. It would take hours to type up all of it, and almost all of it we can't do anything about anyway. However...

...DH starts asking me about whip-its. I'm like, what? He had no idea either, he just said SS1 was pissed about it. So on the internet I go. Ready for this?

Whip-its: using a whipped cream can to suck out the gas which dispenses the whipped cream to get high. In other words, HUFFING. We'd talked to the boys about huffing in the past, but in relation to chemicals like cleaning products or stuff you would find in a garage. But we hadn't even heard of using whipped cream containers.

When DH and SS1 got back from their trip a couple weeks later, we talked to SS1 about it some more. Apparently, SS1 asked BM why there were 8 empty whipped cream containers in her fridge. She then proceeds to tell the boys how cool it is, shows them how to do it, and tells them that her and Perpetual Fiance do it often. Then she tells them to try it. WTF?

As if that wasn't enough, she bought SS1 a pack of cigarettes!

After the shock of it all wore off, DH and I got some advice from several sources. We talked to a couple close friends - same reaction as ours. We talked to our local police chief, who had gotten to know SS1 very well right after his friend's suicide. He offered to come over to the house with the DARE officer to discuss the dangers with the boys, which they followed through on. Did you know you can die instantly from huffing? Of course, MOTY told the boys it was safe because it is the same gas they use at the dentist. Ummmm, I'm pretty sure dentists are licensed to administer that drug. I also posted on a message board I regularly frequent, and the responses were quite in line with what we were planning. After SS2 arrived home, we contacted CPS. Both boys told the investigator what had happened, and we stressed to the boys this was not about getting their mom in trouble, but protecting their sister. If SS1 was there a week and witnessed the huffing, imagine how often their sister sees it happening! She's 8. Even SS2 at 14 didn't realize how serious this is. DH and I would feel awful if we knew that was going on there and something tragic happened. Because we are in different states, the investigation is still ongoing, and of course the Friday before the Monday we talked to the investigator BM left a message on DH's phone saying they are moving back to FormerHomeState, and then moving to one of two other states. So she's on the move, and it may take a while for CPS to catch up to her.

She has not yet given us her new address, so the boys will not be making any trips anytime soon. We're sure she is expecting them at Christmas, but if the case is still open when it is time to make the travel arrangements (early November), we will be doing what we need to do in court to make sure they do not go. Our lawyer finds it very unlikely that the Marital Master would force a trip with an open case with CPS regarding drug use, especially since it is against our court order. Huffing is also against the law in BM's state where this happened, a misdemeanor to do it, a felony to supply chemicals to another to do it. She did both. If there is a CPS finding, criminal charges may follow shortly.

Or, things could go as they usually do when dealing with a PEW, everyone looks the other way...

I'm Back!!!!!

Sorry about that...had to recharge the batteries! SS2 has been fine since he is back. He had some questions about the whole emergency room thing, so we talked about what we had found out from his records and the ER doctor, and he went the next day to the pediatrician's for his physical. Pediatrician had already had a chance to review the information we had dropped off, so was totally up to speed about what happened. She is not recommending any of the tests BM insists need to be done, as SS2 has NO SYMPTOMS. SS2 seemed relieved, and went on his merry way. She also was able to refer us to a nutritionist for SS2, because he just won't believe us when we tell him taking a sandwich and 3 packages of crackers is not an appropriate school lunch. Nor is buying himself energy drinks instead of water a good choice when he rides his bike into town to visit his friends. At 13, he spends more and more time away from our immediate supervision, and he needs to get a grasp on the choices he makes when we are not there. Sooo, that is headed in the right direction anyway. Pediatrician didn't say anything about being contacted by BM - big surprise.

Then we jumped right into school clothes and supply shopping. And the first day of school. So the last week has just been one thing after another. Oh, and then Friday, after being told specifically by us not to ride bikes at his friend's baseball practice (SS2 was spending the night at this friend's house), SS2 convinced the friend's mom to bring the friend's bike to the practice, he fell over the handlebars, and hurt his wrist. No sleepover that night! Then SS2 was, of course, crippled and consumed by his injury, and kept talking about what kind of cast he would have, so we knew he was already getting ready to tell BM that he broke his arm. So next am, back to the pediatrician we go, x-ray, and only a sprained wrist. He has had to wear a hand brace for the week, which really put a damper on his last days of summer vacation, and could quite possibly interfere with his participation in our canoe trip planned for this weekend. Lesson learned, hopefully.

DH left a message for BM regarding SS2's wrist and SS2 called BM when he got home from the pediatrician, but although BM has left messages every night on SS2's phone, he has yet to call her back. Not quite sure what he is avoiding.

Oh, and you're going to love this. Remember how BM was too poor to make the change in flight arrangement's for SS2 herself? Well, now she's told SS1 that she is sending him $500 for his truck. Hello????? Even SS1 isn't checking the mail everyday to see when it comes.

He's Back!

You can never know...

SS2 is coming home tonight!

This morning BM called, sick voice and all, wanting to make sure that we didn't "misunderstand" her message the other day, that they were trying to get a lawyer for her dad, not for her. Gee, wonder what would make us think that? Maybe the nasty message she left us? And her dad's lawyer was going to get her an "excuse" note from the courts to not send SS2 home on time? Reality just changed folks before your very eyes.

Then she says that because of the hurricane coming, and because SS2 wants to see his friends, she wants to get him out early. Apparently that is what it takes to get her to think about her child - a hurricane stronger than herself.

So we emailed her at her parents with the first non-stop flight information for tonight, and said we weren't booking it until she responded via email confirming that he would be on the flight. This is her response:

Yes! that is fine. I will have SS2 at the airport at that time. Thank you for understanding about my dad. You know I would do the same if you went through this with your parents.

It is as if none of the crap she has said the last few weeks even happened. I'm glad we make her leave messages, or DH and I would think we just had nightmares everyday and that none of it really happened. How she can get from demanding that SS2 stay longer, to sending him home early is beyond me.

I'll let you guys know tomorrow if SS2 is actually back tonight! Keep your fingers crossed!

We are so ready for this summer visit to be over!

Ramping Up

So BM leaves another message after we talk to SS2 and says she's going to an attorney on Monday to get an "excuse" note from the courts so she doesn't have to send SS2 home on the 20th (now she has to help her dad fill out disability paperwork since he just got laid off and she's an expert on disability paperwork). I hope the free legal aid lawyer has a clue. FormerHomeState isn't the home state anymore and it is now her responsibility to get SS2 home, since she is choosing not to use the reservation already made for him. Her dad must be doing really bad because he took SS2 golfing yesterday and tomorrow they are going to a professional football pre-season game. Wonder what lies she is going to tell the lawyer?

SS2 is starting to panic...

He just called DH and in a round-about way, tried to find out what was going on. He asked if we were still planning to do the 4-wheeler trip and stay at a cabin when he gets back. We said of course, and he said, "so nothing's been canceled or anything?" and we're like "no, everything is the same, see you on Wednesday". One way or another that child is coming home on Wednesday! I can't believe she is doing this to him, when he should be thinking about getting ready for school, school shopping, and hanging out with his friends the last week before school's out. Instead he is worried about if he's going to make it home.

And the winner is...

Option 1!

Just got a message from BM stating that her father lost his job, and she has to stay to help him fill out paperwork, so she is staying and DH can have her arrested, but she would do this for DH if something happened to his parents.

Whatever! She isn't even having SS2 visit DH's family while they are down in Former Home State, in fact, she has never taken the kids to visit DH's family, even though we make sure they always see her parents when they are in Former Home State. Plus, it is very clear that it has been her intention for most of the summer to not send SS2 home on his flight.

Here's our reply, emailed and faxed today:

I received your message regarding your choice to not send SS2 home on his scheduled flight. SS2 is due home by 9:20 pm on August 20th. Please let me know what other arrangements you have made to have him home by this time. I am willing to pick him up either at the Blah, Blah or Blah, Blah airports. After you have made the arrangements, please let me know his reservation confirmation #, flight number and arrival time.

We are going to wind up in court over this - I can feel it!

Predictions for the 20th:

1) BM will try one last attempt to get DH to change the flight.

2) There will be some type of natural disaster preventing her from getting SS2 back to her state in time for his flight (my guess, flood).

3) There will be some type of construction delay, they will get lost, or there will be a vehicle break-down preventing her from getting SS2 back to her state in time for his flight.

4) She gets "sick" while visiting her parents, hospitalized, of course, preventing her from getting SS2 back to her state in time for his flight.

5) She gets it in her head to file some ex parte motion in FormerHomeState while she is down there.

Which of these will play out? We'll have to wait and see...but it will be a miracle if all we have to do is go to our airport and pick him up!

ER Dr.'s Response

I have been out of town and have just returned and read your letter. I wanted to respond to your concerns in writing as per your request. As for your first concern, SS2's mother stated that when he was 5 months old he was seen and treated by a specialist who had recommended certain tests when he was older that she stated were never done. What I told her was that the testing I performed that evening would not replace any formal testing that he was suppose to have and that if these were in fact previously recommended that SS2 should be in contact with his specialist for this testing. I did not request any of the testing you mentioned in your letter. From my standpoint he had some very mild irritation with no long term issues from the incident on 7/12/08. In my opinion he will be perfectly fine to follow with his primary doctor when he returns from his summer visit. If I would have wanted any further testing it would have been arranged at the time of visit. I hope that this clarifies the situation and if you need to contact me please use the reply email.

What a great guy! This is exactly what we needed to give to the pediatrician. From past experience dealing with anyone who has had contact with BM, we really expected him to blow us off. Apparently there are a few people left in the world who actually care about the children and aren't scared off by the drama! I also thought it was very generous of him to give us his email, as it is impossible to contact him by phone. BM is so full of shit, and it actually sickens me that she would want SS2 to have to go through invasive procedures just to try to show she is a "good mommy." Don't parents want to avoid having their child go through unnecessary testing and anxiety? Ugghh!

Incessant Phone Calls

Since the 27th, we have gotten an almost daily barrage of phone calls from BM. I'll just bullet the general idea to save me the agony of having to listen to them word for word again.

* SS2 calls to find out when he is leaving. We did not call him back. (Read: BM made SS2 get on phone and call us since we didn't call her back and she hadn't received our letter yet.)

* BM: she will be going down and we either change his flight or he is not coming back (yes, she actually said it) and she will have DH arrested for not sending SS1 (funny how it took her 5 weeks to be concerned with the fact that he didn't come down), DH is selfish, SS2 is sitting right there, SS2 has read DH's letter, and DH can call SS2 and tell him he can't visit his grandparents (we never said he couldn't, he just needs to be back at the pre-arranged time).

* BM: (In a classic case of BM psychiatric chaos, she has discovered how to use her not getting her way as a bonus for her. The previous phone call, just over one hour before this one, was screaming, high pitched babble. This phone call was calm, almost gleeful, with an air of arrogance. It is like you can almost see her brain forming her alternate reality right before your eyes.) She is going back to what we agreed, SS2 can now see what we are like and what she has had to deal with for years, he is witnessing everything, this is a blessing in disguise, we're hurting him, and maybe this way, we'll have time to squeeze in his medical appointment before school starts, since SS2 had to come to her with all his medical concerns.

*BM: calls to inform us that she got the letter about us taking SS2 to the Dr. for a physical shortly after he gets back and that DH will discuss BM's concerns with the Dr. She states "that was all she wanted."

*BM: calls with a litany of family history of thyroid issues, something about some radiation cocktail, her parents want to pay to have SS2's ticket changed, and if we could find it "in our heart" to change the reservation, we are making a big deal out of it, she would never do this if it a medical emergency happened to DH's parents.

*SS1 flew to Former Home State to see both sets of grandparents. While he was with her parents, they of course forced him to talk to BM on the phone. She started bribing with all the things they would do at Christmastime, and SS1 said he didn't think he would be coming at Christmas. On came her tears, her father took the phone from SS1 and said to BM, "Maybe he'll change his mind by Christmas" and winked at SS1. They go to the movies and get a call that BM had to go to the emergency room because she passed out putting a tape in the VCR. SS1 is so disappointed that his time with his grandparents was interrupted by her drama. (Note: BM's father is working, going to the movies, and not having a medical emergency. Surprise, surprise!)

*BM: calls to state that she knows DH's signature and I forged one of the letters we sent her, and that is against the law. (What is really funny is that he did sign it! I think she thinks it was mailed after DH went to Former Home State this week. What a dumb ass!)

*BM: calls to insist that she have the phone number for SS2's Dr. here so she can talk to the Dr. herself. And we better get her the number in a couple days, or else.

So, as of right now, looks like SS2 is coming back on time. Until her brain takes a sharp turn to the right again, anyway. I'm calling Monday to get in to see the Dr. so we can give her all our documentation and give her a heads up about BM calling before we send BM the number. We are also going to get the ER report and hopefully our letter to the ER doc in SS2's medical file and another letter requesting that DH be informed of any appointments made for SS2, so if she calls for his records, that info will go with. We are also going to try to get SS2's Dr. to call the ER Dr. and find out what we asked for in the letter, since we still have had no response from him. We'll see how it goes!

Flight Issues

So now she is leaving messages saying that she is driving from Her Current Home State to Our Former Home State with SS2 to see her parents, and that we must change SS2's flight to leave from that state instead.

She has known all summer what his reservation was and she agreed to it. Never did she say he would be leaving from a different state. She also did not plan this trip until she found out SS1 (who has spent the summer with us) was going down to visit her parents in a couple weeks. She is trying to get SS1 cornered at her parents' house. Unbelievable!

When SS1 found this out, he said he only wanted to visit DH's parents instead if BM was going to be at her parents, but we decided he should be able to see them, so he is flying down early instead. We discussed with SS1 that this was exactly why we don't typically tell them about plans such as this, because they blab to the Grandparents and then BM finds some way to screw everything up. He had bugged the crap out of us about seeing his Grandfather, and we knew he was feeling bad about not getting to see his sister, and we really though he had wised up enough to keep his trap shut. His response was "But I didn't think she would drive all the way down to do that." Hello, your own mother called the police on you for acting like a teenager and you didn't think she could pull this off? Wake the @$#*%! up!

DH tried to ask her to just leave a few days early so she could be back in time to get him on the scheduled flight, but she said she "had plans" and wasn't changing her plans. Hello, what about the plans she had with us first? She then starting laying into DH about the whole Spring Break thing, so he hung up. Unfortunately we were talking to SS2 before she got on the phone. SS2 called back about 10 minutes later, and can you believe this, starting apologizing to us, saying, "I didn't know she was going to get like that." Wake the @$#*%! up!

DH told him there was nothing to apologize to us for and to just do what he had to do to have a good rest of his summer (in other words, tow BM's line until he can get out of there!)

Her last message reiterated that she wasn't changing her plans and DH had to change the flight, implying that she was not sending SS2 back if the flight wasn't changed. She also threatened DH and said if he didn't get those medical tests for SS2 that she was "reporting" him. Oh, and get this, she said SS2 had told her he had an "open ended flight". The email we sent on April 15 had a date - that is clearly not an open-ended flight, nor did SS2 book his reservation, so why would she think a 13 year old was a reliable source of this information?

I knew she would mess this summer up!

There are two alternative tracks she could take. One would be to really go to see her parents and really not send SS2 back. This is the scenario we have been dreading and looking forward to at the same time. This would be our slam dunk as far as going back to court. But it would also be a pain in the ass for the boys and us.

The other would be to cancel her trip to see her parents or do it after SS2 leaves and then blame DH for the fact that SS2 couldn't see her parents. Conveniently omitting the information that she had since April to plan this trip around SS2's flight and didn't. I think SS2 would see through this strategy and it could most certainly be addressed in counseling and while it would do less damage in the long run, is nothing we can use in court.

Here's an idea, how 'bout we all get to have a NORMAL @$#*%! SUMMER!

We knew it! Summer ER Trip #1 continued...

Got SS2's medical records in the mail today. BM is so full of crap it isn't even funny. And she thinks just because she tells someone something and they write it down it is true!

This is the choking on an ice cube incident.

Dr's notes:

"His mother reports that the patient had vascular ring surgery when he was 5 months old. He lives with his father in Current State and is visiting mom for the summer. He apparently was supposed to have a formal endoscopic exam at age 10, but mother states that this did not happen. His parents are separated and there appears to be some custody issues."

Only the first two sentences here are accurate. No formal endoscopic exam was ever recommended and this issue has been discussed with his primary care physician and he stated that there was nothing that needed to be done as SS2 aged.

But really, if she was that concerned, why did she wait until he was 13 to complain about it? She has had him for several weeks each summer since then, why did she not make him an appointment?

Hello, they are divorced, not separated, and there are no custody issues. DH has physical and she does not. What is the issue?

She had the doctor perform an oropharyngoscopy and a soft tissue neck x-ray. Are you kidding me? Talk about having a child undergo unnecessary medical procedures!

"His airway was wide open, and other than some mild redness as noted above in the right hypopharynx. He had normal-appearing cords, and all the other structures were of normal appearance without evidence of any edema or airway compromise. I visualized through the cords, and this also appeared normal proximally...His symptoms seemed to be somewhat accentuated by anxiety."

"When I came into the room to perfrom the procedure, the patient had a brief episode of being upset and tearful. His mother stated that he was upset because his father told him to not go to the emergency room before he left Current State to visit his mother this summer. The nursing staff came to me at discharge and stated that his mother requested that I put this in my dictation."

Gee, do you think he might be nervous because he knows his mom is making the Dr stick something down his throat over something stupid, just so she can take jabs at DH? I find it interesting that the 13 year old did not say that DH told him not to go to the emergency room, his mother did. I'm sure SS2 was told not to talk. And she really thinks that because she had something put into the dictation that that somehow verifies it? And why would we tell him that when we know he has no choice in the matter anyway, that once she sees some avenue to disparage DH she is going to no matter what.

Now we know why SS2 called us that night to tell us about it. He knew it was wrong and what she was saying was wrong and he wanted us to find out about it. What to do now, though? Just wait until she tries to use it somehow?

Personally, I think this makes her look like a freak with an agenda, but what do you think a judge would think? I know I'm too close to this to have a rational opinion.

I smell something fishy!

SS1 called BM's mom today to get her Tuna Fish Salad recipe.

Surprise, surprise, SS2 calls this afternoon, because he hasn't talked to SS1 "in a while". In four weeks, he hasn't called to talk to SS1 specifically.

What really happened:

BM's mom called BM and told her that she spoke to SS1 and BM got SS2 to call here to get SS1 on the phone so BM could take the phone from SS2 and SS1 would be stuck talking to BM and listening to her crap.

Thankfully, SS1 is spending the night at a friends, enjoying his summer, and can have a day off from the drama.

The Cell Phone Drama

This past Christmas, BM called while SS2 was with her to say she wanted to get SS2 a cell phone for a present. DH explained to her that the rule in our house is that the kids don't get cell phones until they are 16. We have had this rule since they first asked for them, around age 8 or 9. This is not a new rule, and SS1 and SS2 have been fully aware of it since then. DH told her she was more than welcome to get a cell phone for SS2 at her house, because we do not interfere in the rules at her house, but he would not be able to have it at our house.

Next ensued a 4 day crisis about cell phones, and what would SS2 do if he was lost in the woods (we live in a rural area)? Daily calls about something that DH had already addressed with her. She even got Perpetual Fiance to call DH and "see if we can work something out." Merry, Merry Christmas!

There is one reason we are not allowing cell phones in our home until the kids are 16. They don't need one. We live in a rural area and they don't even come in consistently at our home, so you really only need it when you are out. The only times the boys are out are when they are with one of us, at school, or with a friend's parent. We are involved parents and know where the children are at all times. We don't let them wander in the woods, take off without telling us, or change plans without prior approval. Children have functioned for hundreds of years without their own cell phone. We do feel when someone starts driving, especially a second hand vehicle, it is important that they can call in an emergency. At 16 they will also be with us less of the time and making more plans "on the fly" since it won't involve us driving them anywhere. We feel at 16 (and driving) it would be appropriate to have a cell phone (not to be used while driving, however!).

What I find interesting about the whole thing is that BM still can't let it go. We just talked to SS2 for our weekly Sunday call, and he let DH know that BM was out getting him a cell phone, and that he wanted us to know it had nothing to do with him. Apparently BM has it in her head and has told SS2 that there is a "law" that says we have to give him a cell phone if she buys it. If any of you have heard of the "Child Cell Phone" legislation that has been passed, please let me know the statute # so I can look it up!

DH told SS2 not to worry about it, that it was something for him and BM to work out. DH got off the phone and laughed, 'cause if she does send it home with him, it is going straight into a box and being sent back to her.

This cell phone is her miracle fix for several problems right now:

1) She knows it is against our rules, so she want to show SS2 how unreasonable and cruel we are.

2) She wants to stick it to SS1 for not towing her line and giving SS2 a cell phone at 13 when SS1 will have had to wait until he is 16 (notice she's not buying one for SS1 or worried if SS1 gets lost in the woods!).

3) She cannot accept the fact the boys may not be available to talk to her 24/7. She expects that when she wants to talk to them they should be waiting by the phone to talk to her. The cell phone is her way to interrupt any quality time the boys may be having with us or their friends. What would she do if the boys went to camp? Most of them don't allow contact for at least the first 10 days. We don't call the boys hourly or daily when they are with her. We feel once a week is perfectly acceptable for the ages of 13 and 15. We also don't interrupt the boys when they are with their friends just to talk about the weather, our latest trip to the hospital, to bribe them, guilt them, threaten them or complain about how BM has done us wrong. The cell phone will be her vehicle for all of this.

Ring, ring...

Mixed Feelings

Part of me feels sad for SS2 and what he's having to deal with right now - being asked to keep secrets, sneaking to use the phone, going to the emergency room for unnecessary reasons.

But the other part of me, the part that has accepted the fact that both SS1 and SS2 have to come to terms with their mother's mental illness on their own and there is nothing we can do to prevent it, is actually glad that it is finally happening for SS2. Until this past Christmas, he has been a complete babe in the woods as far as BM is concerned. He totally felt that any problems BM had were SS1's fault. Now that SS1 hasn't been to visit BM @ Christmas or this summer, SS2 has no choice but to realize that it has NOTHING to do with SS1.

Called the Hospital

Tried to find out where she took SS2 this weekend to the Emergency Room from the insurance, but they won't know for 30-60 days. So I googled the hospitals in the area, and what do you know, I actually hit it on the first one.

Get this - she gave no insurance information, even though she has a copy of his card, and the account was listed under his name alone. The woman in billing said this was very unusual, since minors are always under one parent or another for billing. In other words, she managed to get the bill in SS2's name, so when she never pays it, it will go on his credit instead of hers. She also did not pay the copay, but the billing person said their policy is to make the person who brought the child in pay it, so we might not have to pay that after all.

I just can't figure out a) why she is keeping it a secret from us and b) why she wouldn't give the insurance information (it's not like she's going to pay the bill). The only thing I can think of is she wants to make a big hassle for us to have to weed through dealing with the insurance company. Lucky for us, SS2 tipped us off and we are taking care of it before it becomes a big mess. She's up to something, though!

Summer Emergency Room Trip #1

SS2 leaves us a message at 1:30 am last night to let us know that BM had taken him to the Emergency Room because he "choked" on an ice cube. I'm pretty sure ice cubes melt inside our bodies, so the likelihood of choking on one seems pretty small to me. I could understand if he was a toddler, but we're talking about a 13 year old here.

So he leaves a message telling us that it happened, but that he was fine. BM didn't even let us know and she has no idea that SS2 told us. I can't believe her! This is why she doesn't have custody. If she did, DH would know nothing about the boys (except when they are not having sex with the girl sleeping over).

SS2 didn't talk about it at all on the phone tonight because BM was standing right next to him when we were talking to him. Then while SS1 was talking to SS2, she got SS2 to ask SS1 to talk to her. She just can't let SS2 be and stay out of all her issues with SS1.

Then she gets on the phone and tells SS1 all the things they bought for SS2 and how much money she spent on him, and by the way, she's sending SS1 a sweatshirt. Apparently, he only gets the consolation prize since he didn't come visit this summer (which in her mind is SS1's fault, not her's).

This little piggy cried all the way home!

SS2 called back...

...Guess what, no broken toe! Are you surprised?

Boys will be boys...

...or one would hope. BM has managed to turn SS2 into a perpetual victim. SS2 was born with his aorta wrapped around his esophagus, which was taken care of with surgery before his first birthday. Since then, BM has referred to SS2 as having a heart condition that somehow cripples him and limits what he can do. Once DH gained custody, we took SS2 (age 5 at the time) and his medical records to his pediatrician and confirmed with the doctor that there are NO long term issues regarding his health, that the issue was taken care of, and that he does not have a heart "condition". She has continued to treat SS2 as a victim, someone that needs continuous protection, and has never allowed him to be a "boy".

She takes him to the emergency room for the sniffles and tries to prevent custody exchange by saying DH would not give him his medicine.

She calls Poison Control at midnight because his legs got red when he was soaking in Epsom Salts for his poison ivy (which was recommended to us by the doctor). Why he was taking a bath at midnight, I still don't understand.

She has a hissy if SS2 and SS1 wrestle.

She called Child Protective Services on us because we had him stacking 8 pieces of wood in the sunroom by the stove this winter and he whined to her over the phone that he didn't want to do it and would "kill himself" if he had to keep doing it. She called DH and told him we were treating him like a slave (never mind the fact that we were the ones lugging the wood from the wood pile to the house).

She has made SS2 feel that he is weak, less than normal, and someone that requires extra protection from the rest of the world. It took us years to get him to try anything a little bit challenging or risky. He now has the ambition of a couch potato, gives up if anything is the least bit difficult, and constantly makes excuses for himself.

SS1 will never have a regular rough and tumble brotherly relationship with SS2. When SS2 gets a paper cut, he whines.

I feel sad for him, more than anything, because he's missed out on a lot. He doesn't climb trees, jump his bike, play football (only two-hand touch), or goof off with his brother. Why? Because he has a "heart condition" and has been taught by BM that he is unusually fragile.

Yet SS1's learning disability, which was identified by the school, has been completely ignored by her for years.