You'd think she'd learn...

Does BM really think calling the kids to swear, scream, and threaten makes them have a stronger relationship? Clueless and out of control. The boys are so over it. Will she ever understand that she is damaging her relationship with her children herself?

Like talking to a brick wall...

So we sent the proposed flight schedule for BM to agree to. She received it on 11/3. She leaves DH a voicemail message about how she is tired of getting harassed by him, that she called the clerk and there is nothing filed from the hearing and he needs to stop sending her things, that she got "legal advice" and she doesn't have to put up with it, and that she is sending the confirmation back because she did agree to it (even though she doesn't think she has to since the paperwork is not yet "in the file").

11/7 - another voice mail stating that she is sending back the confirmation.

11/8 - her 5 days are up, no confirmation!

11/12 - still no confirmation, we book the flight. Since she has dragged this whole thing on for so long, the original flight on the 23rd is no longer available. So we can either have the boys fly at 6 am or the night before, either way they will miss school on the 23rd. So we opt for the evening of the 22nd. The return flight for SS2 was cheaper on 1/2 than it was for the original date of 1/4, and since she is getting an extra day on the 22nd, we opted for SS2 coming back 1/2. She's gonna bitch, but she had her opportunity to respond and she chose not to. So, in less than 15 days from the hearing, we already get to test out our order ; )

We'll be sending her the flight info tomorrow, I can just imagine the voice mails we'll get. The beauty of Midwest Airlines, though, is only the person purchasing the ticket can make changes. So she'll either have to send us the $ upfront, or purchase her own ticket if she wants to mess around with any dates. Thankfully, Midwest does not just automatically charge the purchasing credit card when changes are made, which was my fear. They do, however, have a stupid policy about not being able to pay the unaccompanied minor fee at the time of purchase. So, since SS2 will be flying as an unaccompanied minor on the way home, we have to send a check/money order written out to Midwest for BM to give to them before he boards.

Another interesting point about the unaccompanied minor issue is that only the purchaser can update the airline with the info for who is picking up/dropping off the child. The info must match the photo id of the person picking up/dropping off. Soooo, we have to get a copy of her DL to see what address she has listed. What do you want to bet it is still FormerHomeState? What do you bet she doesn't send us the info? SS2 will not be able to fly if she doesn't, so if we don't get it by the 22nd, he'll have to stay home. Do you think she'll push this envelope? - yup!

PS - the judge filed the order on 11/4, so even if we go by that date, she still did not make her 5 day deadline.

In his order, the MM states: The court assumes her objection to the Petition of Modification, but she will be required to file a written Answer to the allegations in that Petition.

Do you think she will file it? Nope.

MM also states: She is requested to file her updated Financial Affidavit, Proposed Parenting Plan, and Pretrial Statement in advance of the pretrial conference. She is reminded that when she files something with the court she is required by Rule to mail a copy to counsel for Mr. DH, and required to certify on the filing that she has done so.

Do you think she will do any of this? Nope.

And I hope it royally pisses the MM off.

Pretrial is set for 1/22, by which the GAL needs to have a preliminary report.

We also got the name of the GAL assigned to our case. I'll keep you posted on how that goes.

I'm Back!!!!!

Sorry about that...had to recharge the batteries! SS2 has been fine since he is back. He had some questions about the whole emergency room thing, so we talked about what we had found out from his records and the ER doctor, and he went the next day to the pediatrician's for his physical. Pediatrician had already had a chance to review the information we had dropped off, so was totally up to speed about what happened. She is not recommending any of the tests BM insists need to be done, as SS2 has NO SYMPTOMS. SS2 seemed relieved, and went on his merry way. She also was able to refer us to a nutritionist for SS2, because he just won't believe us when we tell him taking a sandwich and 3 packages of crackers is not an appropriate school lunch. Nor is buying himself energy drinks instead of water a good choice when he rides his bike into town to visit his friends. At 13, he spends more and more time away from our immediate supervision, and he needs to get a grasp on the choices he makes when we are not there. Sooo, that is headed in the right direction anyway. Pediatrician didn't say anything about being contacted by BM - big surprise.

Then we jumped right into school clothes and supply shopping. And the first day of school. So the last week has just been one thing after another. Oh, and then Friday, after being told specifically by us not to ride bikes at his friend's baseball practice (SS2 was spending the night at this friend's house), SS2 convinced the friend's mom to bring the friend's bike to the practice, he fell over the handlebars, and hurt his wrist. No sleepover that night! Then SS2 was, of course, crippled and consumed by his injury, and kept talking about what kind of cast he would have, so we knew he was already getting ready to tell BM that he broke his arm. So next am, back to the pediatrician we go, x-ray, and only a sprained wrist. He has had to wear a hand brace for the week, which really put a damper on his last days of summer vacation, and could quite possibly interfere with his participation in our canoe trip planned for this weekend. Lesson learned, hopefully.

DH left a message for BM regarding SS2's wrist and SS2 called BM when he got home from the pediatrician, but although BM has left messages every night on SS2's phone, he has yet to call her back. Not quite sure what he is avoiding.

Oh, and you're going to love this. Remember how BM was too poor to make the change in flight arrangement's for SS2 herself? Well, now she's told SS1 that she is sending him $500 for his truck. Hello????? Even SS1 isn't checking the mail everyday to see when it comes.

Ramping Up

So BM leaves another message after we talk to SS2 and says she's going to an attorney on Monday to get an "excuse" note from the courts so she doesn't have to send SS2 home on the 20th (now she has to help her dad fill out disability paperwork since he just got laid off and she's an expert on disability paperwork). I hope the free legal aid lawyer has a clue. FormerHomeState isn't the home state anymore and it is now her responsibility to get SS2 home, since she is choosing not to use the reservation already made for him. Her dad must be doing really bad because he took SS2 golfing yesterday and tomorrow they are going to a professional football pre-season game. Wonder what lies she is going to tell the lawyer?

SS2 is starting to panic...

He just called DH and in a round-about way, tried to find out what was going on. He asked if we were still planning to do the 4-wheeler trip and stay at a cabin when he gets back. We said of course, and he said, "so nothing's been canceled or anything?" and we're like "no, everything is the same, see you on Wednesday". One way or another that child is coming home on Wednesday! I can't believe she is doing this to him, when he should be thinking about getting ready for school, school shopping, and hanging out with his friends the last week before school's out. Instead he is worried about if he's going to make it home.

And the winner is...

Option 1!

Just got a message from BM stating that her father lost his job, and she has to stay to help him fill out paperwork, so she is staying and DH can have her arrested, but she would do this for DH if something happened to his parents.

Whatever! She isn't even having SS2 visit DH's family while they are down in Former Home State, in fact, she has never taken the kids to visit DH's family, even though we make sure they always see her parents when they are in Former Home State. Plus, it is very clear that it has been her intention for most of the summer to not send SS2 home on his flight.

Here's our reply, emailed and faxed today:

I received your message regarding your choice to not send SS2 home on his scheduled flight. SS2 is due home by 9:20 pm on August 20th. Please let me know what other arrangements you have made to have him home by this time. I am willing to pick him up either at the Blah, Blah or Blah, Blah airports. After you have made the arrangements, please let me know his reservation confirmation #, flight number and arrival time.

We are going to wind up in court over this - I can feel it!

I think she has finally left the planet...

So last night, at midnight, the boys' phone starts ringing. It is BM and she says "Hi, SS2, it's mom. Give me a call back." HELLOOOOOO - SS2 is with her! So either she left a message for SS1 and couldn't even remember his name, or SS2 is out somewhere on his own at 11 pm their time and she's trying to get a hold of him on a cell and she dialed the wrong number. WTF?

She called 2 more times immediately after that, once leaving another message to call her back, but did not say a name, and she also called DH's phone, but did not leave a message. Does anything she does make any sense?

Incessant Phone Calls

Since the 27th, we have gotten an almost daily barrage of phone calls from BM. I'll just bullet the general idea to save me the agony of having to listen to them word for word again.

* SS2 calls to find out when he is leaving. We did not call him back. (Read: BM made SS2 get on phone and call us since we didn't call her back and she hadn't received our letter yet.)

* BM: she will be going down and we either change his flight or he is not coming back (yes, she actually said it) and she will have DH arrested for not sending SS1 (funny how it took her 5 weeks to be concerned with the fact that he didn't come down), DH is selfish, SS2 is sitting right there, SS2 has read DH's letter, and DH can call SS2 and tell him he can't visit his grandparents (we never said he couldn't, he just needs to be back at the pre-arranged time).

* BM: (In a classic case of BM psychiatric chaos, she has discovered how to use her not getting her way as a bonus for her. The previous phone call, just over one hour before this one, was screaming, high pitched babble. This phone call was calm, almost gleeful, with an air of arrogance. It is like you can almost see her brain forming her alternate reality right before your eyes.) She is going back to what we agreed, SS2 can now see what we are like and what she has had to deal with for years, he is witnessing everything, this is a blessing in disguise, we're hurting him, and maybe this way, we'll have time to squeeze in his medical appointment before school starts, since SS2 had to come to her with all his medical concerns.

*BM: calls to inform us that she got the letter about us taking SS2 to the Dr. for a physical shortly after he gets back and that DH will discuss BM's concerns with the Dr. She states "that was all she wanted."

*BM: calls with a litany of family history of thyroid issues, something about some radiation cocktail, her parents want to pay to have SS2's ticket changed, and if we could find it "in our heart" to change the reservation, we are making a big deal out of it, she would never do this if it a medical emergency happened to DH's parents.

*SS1 flew to Former Home State to see both sets of grandparents. While he was with her parents, they of course forced him to talk to BM on the phone. She started bribing with all the things they would do at Christmastime, and SS1 said he didn't think he would be coming at Christmas. On came her tears, her father took the phone from SS1 and said to BM, "Maybe he'll change his mind by Christmas" and winked at SS1. They go to the movies and get a call that BM had to go to the emergency room because she passed out putting a tape in the VCR. SS1 is so disappointed that his time with his grandparents was interrupted by her drama. (Note: BM's father is working, going to the movies, and not having a medical emergency. Surprise, surprise!)

*BM: calls to state that she knows DH's signature and I forged one of the letters we sent her, and that is against the law. (What is really funny is that he did sign it! I think she thinks it was mailed after DH went to Former Home State this week. What a dumb ass!)

*BM: calls to insist that she have the phone number for SS2's Dr. here so she can talk to the Dr. herself. And we better get her the number in a couple days, or else.

So, as of right now, looks like SS2 is coming back on time. Until her brain takes a sharp turn to the right again, anyway. I'm calling Monday to get in to see the Dr. so we can give her all our documentation and give her a heads up about BM calling before we send BM the number. We are also going to get the ER report and hopefully our letter to the ER doc in SS2's medical file and another letter requesting that DH be informed of any appointments made for SS2, so if she calls for his records, that info will go with. We are also going to try to get SS2's Dr. to call the ER Dr. and find out what we asked for in the letter, since we still have had no response from him. We'll see how it goes!

Flight Issues

So now she is leaving messages saying that she is driving from Her Current Home State to Our Former Home State with SS2 to see her parents, and that we must change SS2's flight to leave from that state instead.

She has known all summer what his reservation was and she agreed to it. Never did she say he would be leaving from a different state. She also did not plan this trip until she found out SS1 (who has spent the summer with us) was going down to visit her parents in a couple weeks. She is trying to get SS1 cornered at her parents' house. Unbelievable!

When SS1 found this out, he said he only wanted to visit DH's parents instead if BM was going to be at her parents, but we decided he should be able to see them, so he is flying down early instead. We discussed with SS1 that this was exactly why we don't typically tell them about plans such as this, because they blab to the Grandparents and then BM finds some way to screw everything up. He had bugged the crap out of us about seeing his Grandfather, and we knew he was feeling bad about not getting to see his sister, and we really though he had wised up enough to keep his trap shut. His response was "But I didn't think she would drive all the way down to do that." Hello, your own mother called the police on you for acting like a teenager and you didn't think she could pull this off? Wake the @$#*%! up!

DH tried to ask her to just leave a few days early so she could be back in time to get him on the scheduled flight, but she said she "had plans" and wasn't changing her plans. Hello, what about the plans she had with us first? She then starting laying into DH about the whole Spring Break thing, so he hung up. Unfortunately we were talking to SS2 before she got on the phone. SS2 called back about 10 minutes later, and can you believe this, starting apologizing to us, saying, "I didn't know she was going to get like that." Wake the @$#*%! up!

DH told him there was nothing to apologize to us for and to just do what he had to do to have a good rest of his summer (in other words, tow BM's line until he can get out of there!)

Her last message reiterated that she wasn't changing her plans and DH had to change the flight, implying that she was not sending SS2 back if the flight wasn't changed. She also threatened DH and said if he didn't get those medical tests for SS2 that she was "reporting" him. Oh, and get this, she said SS2 had told her he had an "open ended flight". The email we sent on April 15 had a date - that is clearly not an open-ended flight, nor did SS2 book his reservation, so why would she think a 13 year old was a reliable source of this information?

I knew she would mess this summer up!

There are two alternative tracks she could take. One would be to really go to see her parents and really not send SS2 back. This is the scenario we have been dreading and looking forward to at the same time. This would be our slam dunk as far as going back to court. But it would also be a pain in the ass for the boys and us.

The other would be to cancel her trip to see her parents or do it after SS2 leaves and then blame DH for the fact that SS2 couldn't see her parents. Conveniently omitting the information that she had since April to plan this trip around SS2's flight and didn't. I think SS2 would see through this strategy and it could most certainly be addressed in counseling and while it would do less damage in the long run, is nothing we can use in court.

Here's an idea, how 'bout we all get to have a NORMAL @$#*%! SUMMER!

I smell something fishy!

SS1 called BM's mom today to get her Tuna Fish Salad recipe.

Surprise, surprise, SS2 calls this afternoon, because he hasn't talked to SS1 "in a while". In four weeks, he hasn't called to talk to SS1 specifically.

What really happened:

BM's mom called BM and told her that she spoke to SS1 and BM got SS2 to call here to get SS1 on the phone so BM could take the phone from SS2 and SS1 would be stuck talking to BM and listening to her crap.

Thankfully, SS1 is spending the night at a friends, enjoying his summer, and can have a day off from the drama.

The Cell Phone Drama

This past Christmas, BM called while SS2 was with her to say she wanted to get SS2 a cell phone for a present. DH explained to her that the rule in our house is that the kids don't get cell phones until they are 16. We have had this rule since they first asked for them, around age 8 or 9. This is not a new rule, and SS1 and SS2 have been fully aware of it since then. DH told her she was more than welcome to get a cell phone for SS2 at her house, because we do not interfere in the rules at her house, but he would not be able to have it at our house.

Next ensued a 4 day crisis about cell phones, and what would SS2 do if he was lost in the woods (we live in a rural area)? Daily calls about something that DH had already addressed with her. She even got Perpetual Fiance to call DH and "see if we can work something out." Merry, Merry Christmas!

There is one reason we are not allowing cell phones in our home until the kids are 16. They don't need one. We live in a rural area and they don't even come in consistently at our home, so you really only need it when you are out. The only times the boys are out are when they are with one of us, at school, or with a friend's parent. We are involved parents and know where the children are at all times. We don't let them wander in the woods, take off without telling us, or change plans without prior approval. Children have functioned for hundreds of years without their own cell phone. We do feel when someone starts driving, especially a second hand vehicle, it is important that they can call in an emergency. At 16 they will also be with us less of the time and making more plans "on the fly" since it won't involve us driving them anywhere. We feel at 16 (and driving) it would be appropriate to have a cell phone (not to be used while driving, however!).

What I find interesting about the whole thing is that BM still can't let it go. We just talked to SS2 for our weekly Sunday call, and he let DH know that BM was out getting him a cell phone, and that he wanted us to know it had nothing to do with him. Apparently BM has it in her head and has told SS2 that there is a "law" that says we have to give him a cell phone if she buys it. If any of you have heard of the "Child Cell Phone" legislation that has been passed, please let me know the statute # so I can look it up!

DH told SS2 not to worry about it, that it was something for him and BM to work out. DH got off the phone and laughed, 'cause if she does send it home with him, it is going straight into a box and being sent back to her.

This cell phone is her miracle fix for several problems right now:

1) She knows it is against our rules, so she want to show SS2 how unreasonable and cruel we are.

2) She wants to stick it to SS1 for not towing her line and giving SS2 a cell phone at 13 when SS1 will have had to wait until he is 16 (notice she's not buying one for SS1 or worried if SS1 gets lost in the woods!).

3) She cannot accept the fact the boys may not be available to talk to her 24/7. She expects that when she wants to talk to them they should be waiting by the phone to talk to her. The cell phone is her way to interrupt any quality time the boys may be having with us or their friends. What would she do if the boys went to camp? Most of them don't allow contact for at least the first 10 days. We don't call the boys hourly or daily when they are with her. We feel once a week is perfectly acceptable for the ages of 13 and 15. We also don't interrupt the boys when they are with their friends just to talk about the weather, our latest trip to the hospital, to bribe them, guilt them, threaten them or complain about how BM has done us wrong. The cell phone will be her vehicle for all of this.

Ring, ring...

Summer Emergency Room Trip #1

SS2 leaves us a message at 1:30 am last night to let us know that BM had taken him to the Emergency Room because he "choked" on an ice cube. I'm pretty sure ice cubes melt inside our bodies, so the likelihood of choking on one seems pretty small to me. I could understand if he was a toddler, but we're talking about a 13 year old here.

So he leaves a message telling us that it happened, but that he was fine. BM didn't even let us know and she has no idea that SS2 told us. I can't believe her! This is why she doesn't have custody. If she did, DH would know nothing about the boys (except when they are not having sex with the girl sleeping over).

SS2 didn't talk about it at all on the phone tonight because BM was standing right next to him when we were talking to him. Then while SS1 was talking to SS2, she got SS2 to ask SS1 to talk to her. She just can't let SS2 be and stay out of all her issues with SS1.

Then she gets on the phone and tells SS1 all the things they bought for SS2 and how much money she spent on him, and by the way, she's sending SS1 a sweatshirt. Apparently, he only gets the consolation prize since he didn't come visit this summer (which in her mind is SS1's fault, not her's).

The Sick Voice

BM has a tendency to have two separate voices (well, 3, if you include the "screaming at the top of your lungs" voice.)

The first is her sickening sweet, "I'm the best mommy in the world" voice. This is what she uses when she is trying to make up for something, or bribe the boys, or try to mislead DH into thinking that she is being cooperative, when really she is planning some type of attack. We treat anything said with this voice with extreme caution.

The second is her "sick voice". This is the voice she uses when she is explaining why she couldn't pick the boys up on time, or why she didn't call when she said she would, or why she is canceling her weekend. She also uses this voice when she wants to get something and feels sympathy would boost her case.

What is very odd about the "sick voice" is that it comes and goes in conversation. Sometimes she speaks normally to DH and when he hands the phone to the kids, the "sick voice" starts. Or sometimes it is the opposite, and she speaks to the boys normally, but then when she talks to DH, it is in the "sick voice". A couple times she has left messages in the same day, usually only a few minutes apart, and she apparently has forgotten which voice she was using, because one message will be in the "sick voice" and the other one will be in the "best mommy" voice.

Very odd!

A broken toe and sex with the babysitter?

So it has officially been two weeks since SS2 left for the summer. He called DH last week to let him know his toe was broken. He stated his sister had rode in front of him and his foot got stuck in the spokes. Why he wasn't wearing shoes while riding his bike we'll never know! No worries, though, Dr. BM diagnosed it and all is well.

Each time DH has had an opportunity to talk to SS2, BM is always standing right there and takes the phone from him so DH is forced to talk to her, even though he has requested that she contact him in writing about any issues. This last time, her "emergency" that required her to talk to DH right away was to let DH know that a friend's daughter sometimes spends the night, but she wanted DH to know that SS2 and her were not sleeping in the same room and weren't having sex. Hello?????? SS2 got on the phone with DH and was like, "I don't know why she had to tell you that, like what am I gonna do?" This is a kid that finally had his first girlfriend in school this year (7th grade) and all they did was talk on the phone, they didn't even go "on a date". We are not talking about some horn-dog that obsesses about girls or is ready to whip out the condoms.

Today is Sunday, the day DH said he would regularly call SS2. Conveniently, Perpetual Fiance took BM's cell phone by mistake today, so we'll see if SS2 ever calls back.

PS - the one thing I asked SS2 before he left was to not call my cell phone while he was gone. I've already had to change my number, because BM would call mine when she couldn't get a hold of DH. What do you know, he calls the other day from her cell to mine, so now she's got my number again. The first time she calls it when he gets back, off I go to get a new number.

I love you and I love to guilt you!

The boys always enjoy getting mail. Usually it is magazine from a subscription or a card from one of the grandparents. SS1 gets a card from BM's mom this week. Starts off really sweet, and then, bam! in for the kill. I had the blessed honor of reading out loud to SS1 because he couldn't make out the cursive handwriting:

Dear SS1, Grandpa and I hope you're enjoying your summer so far. Enclosed is a little spending money and a picture of our new dog, Ali. She's growing fast and we're having a lot of fun with her. I talked with your Mom today and she's very sad that you haven't returned her calls. She misses you and I hope you change your mind to visit her. Enjoy the summer and be careful! Love Grandma and Grandpa

(Grandpa did not sign the card himself, and probably had no idea what written in it.)

Puleese! SS1 was all excited about the pic of the dog, and when I read the card to him, he just threw the picture down on the floor of the car and sighed. Never mind the fact that he had already talked to BM (see "Can't buy me love, love" entry on June 26th). So either BM is lying to her mom about talking to SS1 or Grandma is really as ruthless as we have always thought. I don't understand why she can't be a Grandma to him and stay out of all the drama?

Her husband does a much better job, and SS1 loves him to death. He never brings up the drama or places undue pressure on either of the kids. In fact, I think a small part of him wistfully wonders what his life would have been like if he had DH's courage to leave. If there is one character in this saga we feel sorry for, besides the kids, it is Grandpa. Not only is his daughter completely irrational, his wife supports it and often acts quite similar. He has always been cordial to DH, especially so when Grandma or BM are not within earshot. He's told DH that he is happy our business is doing well, that he trusts DH's judgment, and when SS1 called to thank him for the card, he suggested that DH, SS1, Uncle B (family friend), and he go to a b-ball game together the next time they are in former home state. It is almost as if he wants to be able to be alone with DH to unload something. He recently had a heart attack, and maybe he feels there are still things he wants to say to DH. Who knows? I do know SS1 would love having his Grandpa and DH together with him again.

Hammering Out Summer Plans

The following are emails between DH and BM regarding summer and a whole bunch of crap from the past she insists on bringing up. He tried to follow the "low contact" guidelines, and only address things said that we would want to be able to disprove in court, if the emails were ever used.

March 28th, 2008

DH: Since the flight plans that we already agreed to on the phone are not acceptable to you anymore, I am requesting that you email me the final dates that you wish to make for summer.

If I do not have something back from you in writing by April 10, 2008, the reservation for SS2 will stay as we agreed before.

If I receive new dates from you, I will do my best to find tickets on those dates that are in the same price range as the tickets we already agreed upon. If there are none on those particular dates, I will find dates as close to your dates as possible that are still within the price range of the tickets we already have.

March 29, 2008

BM: We never agreed on the dates between you and I. You communicated to me through SS2 after telling me so many times we are to make any arrangments between you and I and never though the boys'. Now lets talk about RESPECT after you sitting there and letting SS1 to talk to me the way he did. I called the family court and told them how you let him disrespect me like you did and they said that this was unexceptable and to report any other problems you have with him. I told them of the report

March 29, 2008

DH: There was no flight information in your email. Please let me know the dates you would like.

March 30, 2008

BM: I will allow SS1 to stay the first week after school lets out, but the earliest he will return will be three days before school starts backup. I never made any arrangements with you personally. You let the boys' give me any information you had to tell me and you made it very clear in the past that all arrangements were to be between the two of us and the boys' were not to be involved. You will not give me the small amount of time in the spring in which I have asked you for, which will leave you a whole week to do with how ever you choose . I will pay for SS2' flight and SS2 wants to come at that time ,so I am going with the court ordered agreement and I am keeping him as long as possible. I know there is a flight you can get him on and if you go against our court ordered agreement you will go against a court order and I don't think you want to do that. The family court division, who I called said that it is unacceptable how SS1 talked to me especially with you standing there not saying a thing about it. That just shows the guidance he is retaining from you or the other people around him, and you have the nerve to talk to me about disrespect. It's a real shame that our boys' have to grow up with out both of there parents most of the time since you spend a lot of your time down in Former Home State. It sure would be nice if one of their real parents could be there more often,but you made sure that the one that really wants to be with them [their real mother] can't be. I hope you are proud of your self. You are at least hurting one of our children and making it really hard for him. I think it is sick that you tell SS2 that you will take him on a four wheeling trip during part of my vacation with him. You are just putting him in a very difficult situation. I at least have a heart and told him to go have fun and don't worry about me . He felt so bad. I hope you are proud of your self. There is only one word for you and that is SELFISH!!!!! Maybe some day you will think about someone besides yourself and make it easier for your son to show his real feelings and so he doesn't have to feel bad about wanting to spend time with his mother.

March 30, 2008

DH: Thank you for replying with the dates you would like SS2 to travel. I would like to make a few comments that I believe will clear up what you are misunderstanding and is making you so upset.

1) When we had our very good 45 minute conversation a few weeks ago, I asked you what dates you wanted for summer. You told me it was up to the boys. I then told them that you had them all summer and that the plans were between you and them, since you left the decision up to them.

2) Last week, when you were talking on the phone with the boys, I got on and we discussed approximate dates based on when the boys were out of school, and you agreed.

3) This past week, in therapy, after the flights were already booked, SS2 stated that he actually wanted to come back 2 weeks ahead of time at the end of the summer. I told him that was not what we had agreed upon with you, and asked why. He stated that he wanted time to be with his friends, and we told him that there would be plenty of time to do that on the weekends before he left and after he came home, that the summer is your time.

4) I have never promised SS2 that we would be going 4-wheeling for the week. He asked us if we could, and I said it would depend on the dates that you picked, since last summer you only took them for 3 weeks. I told him that if you requested all summer, that we would go on a weekend before he left.

5) As far as the time I spend down in Former Home State, I only go 6 days a month (split in two 3 day trips twice a month). This is not a lot of my time. When you subtract time that the boys are in school or sleeping, I am only away from them 30 hours a month, which would be the same as working until 6pm for 15 days, which I had to do more than that when we lived in Former Home State (and I also never have to work weekends). So even with the trips to Former Home State I am available to be with the boys more now than ever.

6) As for the amount of time that you spend with the boys with the new agreement, if you do the math, and add up the amount of weekend times, 1/2 vacations, and 2 weeks in the summer that you had in Former Home State, the amount of time you have now based on the current summer flight info and every Christmas is exactly the same. When looking at how many weekends you canceled due to illness, vehicle issues, etc. you will actually have more time this year than ever before.

7) As we are finding out in therapy, SS2 doesn't express his real feelings to anyone. He commented that he just treats any feelings that are difficult for him as if they are files on a computer and he drags them into the trash and throws them away. He tells people what he thinks they want to hear. (Even at school). I will give you a perfect example. When we were at dinner before SS2 went to see you at Christmas, out of no where, he says "I wish I didn't have to go to my mom's." I told him that it was your time to spend with him and that you were excited to see him and left it at that. In therapy this was discussed, and he stated he was sitting there and felt bad for us and thought he should say it. I told him that it actually made me sad that he would think that (as does the whole situation between you and SS1) and that I don't like hearing that they don't want to go. That there is nothing wrong with saying that they are excited about going, because they should be.

SS2 doesn't feel bad about spending time with you, he feels bad about having to explain to you that he has other interests as well. As we discussed a few weeks ago, SS2 is a teenager now, and part of his growing up right now is separating himself from his parents. Both of his parents. SS2's main interest right now is spending time with his friends. If you take that into account, I actually see SS2 less than you will, because most of his free time is spent with friends. In no way do I hold this normal behavior against SS2, and have told him as much.

What he is having a hard time with is trying to please you all the time and living his life. Asking him to come live with you and crying at the airport and on the phone minutes after he gets home does not make this easy for him. Just as we have stressed to him how important his time is with you, it would be helpful if you did the same. After he came home from Christmas with you, we discussed that it was not up to him where he lives. The paperwork is there for a reason, so that the kids are not able to manipulate the situation. I have always told them that the time you are entitled to is for you to decide how to spend.


8) As for your conversation with SS1, the boys always talk with you in their rooms, unless we are in the car all together and they call you on my cell, and I really have no idea what they discuss with you.


Please take a moment to really consider what I have written, since I took the time to try to understand your concerns and comment on them. I will email SS2's new flight confirmation when the flight has been changed according to your request.

March 30, 2008

BM: First of all if you are going to send me a letter next time you need to write it your self because we both know you have never wrote any of the letters that have been sent to me. You are not going to tell me that I can't show my feelings when my children leave for seven months. I have never let you go that long without seeing our children. I let you take them the whole summer to take them up to see dragonmctts' family after you attacked me and my boss in my apartment complex. You never have to give you only know how to take. SS2! asked me if he could live with me and I said I would do what ever I could to make that happen. I can't help he wants to live with me. I love the fact that he wants to live with me and it is only natural that a young boy would want to live with his mother who gave birth to him. I love all my kids and I just want them to have everything they want and need. I want them to be as happy as possible. You won't do that for your son who wants to come and stay with me for a week in the spring. He asked me yesterday if I wanted him to ask you if he could go in the spring. Ask him your self if you don't believe me. That is why I am the only one that is giving up some of my vacation for them. So if you want to preach about the kids interests you might want to take a step back and look at who the selfish one is. I am the only one that has had to give up in the interest of our kids
I am not going to make things harder for SS2 he has enough to deal with, considering if he goes against you in anyway his life just gets harder. I know the truth and that's all I need, and I can give you an example about SS2 too. SS2 is the one that called me and told me he was going to kill himself if I didn't get him out of your house as soon as possible. That is really disturbing and incredibly upsetting. I am telling you this, I better never here those words come out of ether one of their mouths ever again. I have never put words in the boys' mouths unlike you guys when you sat them down the night before you tried and failed to get them to lie to get me in trouble with child protection. You see you actually have to do something wrong or illegal to get in trouble, because they have to have proof before they can do anything. You! better than anyone should know that. I have never broke the law so you can't do anything to me and for some reason that bothers you or dragonmctt. Well I guess it just comes down to this. I will keep on giving and you will continue taking like it has always been between us.

P.S. I will never sign anything for you ever again, and Perpetual Fiance said after the way SS1 talked to me the other day he will not alow a 15yr old version of you in his house this summer and he will miss out on the professional training in a real gym and the water parks he was willing to do for him. Maybe this will teach him that you are just hurting him by you allowing him to treat me anyway he wants. He told me how you don't care how he acts at my house and that is just plain bad parenting.

March 30, 2008

DH: I'm sure you remember what my spelling is like, and my typing is even worse, so, yes, I don't to the typing. Businessmen always have someone else type what they dictate - it doesn't make the document any less real.

Of course I expect you to show your feelings, a hug and "I love you" would be appropriate. Trying to make them feel sorry for you and feel bad (by having to witness you hysterical) about something they don't have control of is not.

Of course SS2 wants to live with you. If you were the custodial parent, he would want to live with me. That is a normal reaction of children of divorce. Especially when time spent with one parent has no responsibilities on them, and with the other they have bed times, homework, chores and rules. A mature parent would explain to the child that what he is feeling is normal, but is not the way things are, instead of trying to use that to make themselves feel better and create confusion in a child's mind that it is somehow up to them when they turn the "magical" age and can "talk to a judge".

About April vacation, I'm sure he did ask you, because as I stated in my last email, the way SS2 has dealt with everything is by telling people what they want to hear. That doesn't surprise me at all. I will tell you this, though, if I did what you do and rattle of list of things that they will get to do in order to want to stay with me, and told SS2 what we are doing on April vacation, he wouldn't be mentioning it to you at all anymore. But I won't do that, because then he will feel conflicted about trying to make you happy and actually wanting something else.

Yes, when SS2 does not do what is expected of him, his life gets harder. That is called consequences for your choices. Again, that is normal.

Yes, it was difficult for SS2 to come back from a week of no responsibilities and then have to actually participate in a family chore, which SS1 did several times while SS2 was gone. Yes, he wasn't happy about it. Yes, the fact that you were crying on the phone made him upset. Yes, he made a statement in the heat of the moment, with his emotions as raw as you made them.

A mature parent would have told the child that there are things in life that we may not want to do, but we need to do. A mature parent would have respected the rules in the other parent's house, instead of calling and saying I treat him like a slave.

And actually, the most disturbing and incredibly upsetting part of the whole incident, was that if you really thought he was suicidal enough to call Child Services, that you didn't even inform me of that when you called to yell at me about making him do chores, so that I could keep an eye on him. The report clearly shows that it was just another way for you to vent to anyone listening, as the whole first part is about your issues with me, and you don't even mention SS2 threatening to kill himself until the end. I'm sorry, but if I genuinely thought my child was going to kill himself, that would have been the first thing I said. By the way, during the interview with SS2 while he was at school, he rated living with me as a 7 out of 10, which is more than a parent of a teenager could ask for.

Regarding my summer visitation after you left the state, violating our Separation Agreement, I would say "letting" is not the word you're looking for.

I have never called in a report for Child Services to come to your house. Unfortunately, the school counselors' the boys have gotten support from over the years have had concerns and they are required by law to do that. I do think that having a verified report of Domestic Abuse and being threatened with having my third child taken away would be as close to "trouble" as I would want to get.

It really does make me sad that you refuse to let go of the past, continue to use your hatred of me as an excuse to manipulate the boys, and were able to totally destroy all the work we have done with SS1 since last summer in session after session of therapy to try to mend his relationship with you all in a five minute phone call.

Dragonmctt and I don't want to "do anything" to you, we want you to be able to have healthy relationships with your children. I suggest you take copies of these emails to your therapist, one who knows about your "arrested development" and discuss your concerns with him. These are all things that you can work on to have the best relationship with both SS1 and SS2, and salvage what little is left of their childhood.

I am glad you are taking the time to read and respond to these emails - we can talk much better this way - I can hear your views and you can hear mine. This will only help the boys.

March 31, 2008

BM: First of all I most certainly did tell child protection first thing about what SS2 told me. And I called them first thingto clear that up real fast, Because that is a total lie and it is very important that they don't take that so lightly like you are, and I told them that the only reason I called them was that I thought he had a good life with you or I would not have signed the paperwork to have the boys, move up there with you.

Second of all I told SS2 I was calling child protection immediately and he begged me not to tell you what he said and after all with your bouts of rage and your abusive nature in the past which I still have reports of those incidents. I was not about to leave my child to experience what I have had to in the past. Example; you punching holes in the wall where my face was, pushing our boat of the trailer and the huge bruise on my leg which I still have pictures of when you punched my boss in the face and punched me in the leg . I can send you a copy if you would like. He was obvious emotionally traumatized enough already. I also did not start crying until he hysterically proclaimed what he had told me and I don't know any real loving parent that would not react that same way. You unfortunately need to see who is the real one manipulating our children. I have tried on many occasions to have a healthy relationship with you for the kids and for the sake of us to. I was the one that was told that you told the kids that you would take the kids on a week 4 wheeling trip during my week of vacation and it is very understanding why they would want to go. But you need to realize what position YOU our putting the kids in. I never make them feel bad and I tell them if they have something that has come up that they are to do those events and not to feel bad about it and I will not be upset and I have always told them that-and I mean it whole heartedly. I have always wanted the best for the boy's . If I only cared about myself and wanted to monipulate the boy' like you say I do I would have put up a huge fight when you asked if you could move them 2000 miles away, but I didn't because I knew how much they like it up there, but now when I ask for something, will you do the same in return, no. Even when it is what your son wants, that's just mean.

You and dragonmctt can keep playing these games , but you will always know who has given up the most for our children. It has always been like that for me . Lets see dragonmctt get up on two story buildings and paint with a deformed back in 98 degree heat-with nothing to show for it . You say I need to put every thing in the past ,but it is kind of hard when you have to live the emothional and pysical pain of the past every day of your life. You don't have any pain so it is real easy to let go of the past, there again you never have to give and by the way I hug and kiss the boys every time they are here which is more than I have ever heard about you. I just hope that the boys' are happy and that you or anyone else ever has to feel the pain that I do everyday.

March 31, 2008

DH: The report speaks for itself. They are trained to tell the difference between actual calls of abuse and vindictive ex-spouses. That is why your call resulted in no further investigation after SS2 was spoken to.

The time I punched the man you spent the night with was when I thought there was still a chance to save our marriage. That case was dropped. As have been all of your attempts to make-up police reports to keep me out of the boys' lives. The false domestic abuse - dismissed. The false tape recording - never charged and dropped. The false check forging - dismissed immediately as soon as the DA saw actual evidence. Just because you say something in a police report doesn't make it true. The way it works is you are innocent until proven guilty. Not once have I ever been found guilty of the things you have accused me of. Wonder why that is?

Healthy relationship? Your messages on my cell phone regarding spring break show how you must struggle emotionally every day. You did the exact thing you claim you don't do. You wanted to make them feel bad, you did become upset at them about me, and you admitted to planning to manipulate them - "I'll make them believe it."

I think it is interesting that you spoke several times about moving (to Arizona, I believe), yet never did. But after the boys moved away, you moved to BM's CurrentHomeState. Their moving away released you of the guilt you felt about being the first one to move. Please don't act like you did us a favor.

Your comment about me being mean because I won't give SS2 what he wants again shows immature parenting skills. If children always got what they wanted whenever they wanted it, they would be taking on the adult role in the relationship. Parents set rules and boundaries that allow children to remain children while maturing with guidance.

I think it is a problem that you view your relationship with the boys as a game - in which you have to "win". Right now, they are losing.

I have no doubt that your emotional and physical illnesses make it difficult for you. Your not being able to grasp your unhealthy relationship with the boys does pain me. It makes me realize how you really are not able to look beyond yourself and your suffering, to see how the boys are suffering. They both just want to love you, without feeling they have to please you by hating me. Your suffering and their suffering would be so eased if you could just let that go and accept them even if they show/tell you that they love me too.


April 1, 2008

BM: You of all people are going tell how to be a better parent after you told the boys' in the past that you played tapes that you recorded of me with recorded devices on my phone which you pleaded the fifth on in court. which right there they knew you lied. You also told them that I cheated on you. which is also a lie. That is real mature and nurturing. No scars left from that or anything. You have damaged those boys', not me, but you of course make it look like it's my fault when I'm just defending myself from your lies. That is what a deceptive person is good at. I have never wanted them to have a bad relationship with you . I just want them not to believe the lies you have fed them and don't say you haven't because you know you have. OH, YEAH! I WAS ALSO TOLD YOU KEPT THE TAPES UNDER YOUR BED WHEN YOU FIRST STAYED AT YOUR PARENTS HOUSE. I have all the proof and when the kids are old enough they will understand why it was so hard for me all these years and I am not the one that filled the boy's head with a bunch of lies like you have. In this country it is unfortunate that you can buy your way out of any crime that you commit, that is why it has cost you so much in the past. I over heard your Attorney tell you you better keep your nose clean because he had to do so much work on your case and get you out of so much trouble and I also know it cost a lot to get you off on the crimes that you committed. Just because you give an attorney a bunch of money doesn't mean you didn't do the crime. I have the proof and I just pray the boys' don't follow in your foot steps. I have wasted enough time playing your game I'm just going to enjoy my kids. Bye.

Thank you so much for taking the time to listen to my side.

April 1, 2008

DH: You really think that one day the kids are going to be old enough to deal with your feelings of hate? I don't think there is ever an age that they could withstand that without completely turning away from you.

They already know why things have been so hard for you all these years. They may not know what it is called, but they know mental illness when they see it and feel the effects of it. Instead of talking to them about it like you do your physical illnesses, you leave it up to them to figure out. You tell them when you are physically sick and need rest or support. They have accepted that and understand it. They would accept it, too, if you explain to them that some days are emotionally better for you than others, and on the harder days, you need their understanding. And just as you are taking steps to recover physically, that you are taking steps to recover emotionally. The boys understand therapy, they get it. They understand that emotions are hard to deal with and everyone has something they are working on.

How can you enjoy your kids, when one of them can't even have a different opinion than you, and the other one does whatever he has to so he doesn't get rejected the same way?

You can change this path, you can have everything that you feel I am keeping from you, but you have to acknowledge the issues to change the pattern.

Do you really think I would take the time to try to respond logically to your comments if I didn't care? I am listening to what you are saying and trying to explain what would help the situation.

At this point, if I really didn't want you to have a good relationship with the boys, I could just sit back and watch you do all the work to destroy the precious bond that you have with them as their mother. Without therapy, SS1 never would have been able to speak with you again after last summer. Not because he wouldn't want to, but because emotionally, he couldn't risk it. I support your relationship with them, which is why they go to therapy to learn how to deal with your behaviors.

How else could you explain that for a few months now you and SS1 have been getting along (which wouldn't be possible if I constantly tell him lies, like you think I do), and then in a matter of minutes of being on the phone with YOU, everything is undone. It wasn't anything I said, it was what you said to him. You had been giving him space from the hate feelings and instead focused on your relationship with him. The first time you slipped back, he said that was enough and you rejected him, again. Unfortunately, you keep showing him what is more important to you - sharing your hate for me with them is more important than being there for them.

I find it discouraging that you think discussing the boys welfare and how they need support is a waste of time. I hope in the coming months you are able to spend some time reflecting on the things I have said, and you are willing to truly show the boys how much you care about their happiness.

April 2, 2008

BM: You are the one that has started this whole thing buy lying about Spring Break and you can fix it and stop this whole thing and if you cared about anyone you would. I am not going to except my son calling me and talking to me like he did and I did not just start yelling at him he started with me. When my son talks to me in disrespectful tone especially when the kids aren't supposed to be in the middle of our conversation, but I guess you can use them when ever you want you. I love my kids and if I wanted them to hate you I would not build you up like I have in the past, But when you continually lie and you manipulate them the way you do to make them think it is me it is very upsetting and I will defend myself. I love when you say my other son just doesn't want to be rejected. Neither one has been rejected and I have never once had problems with SS2 he feels comfortable with me and I never have had to battle with the problems that I have had with SS1's behavior. I just wish you would not have filled SS1's head with so much because he told my mom some of the things that have bothered him about me and they were what you told him not what I filled his head with. So if you doesn't want our children to have problems just stop lying. I had put all that behind me but, when I found out that the kids had not one but two weeks after me asking you when we were working out the visitation, what about Spring Break you yourself not SS1 said they don't have it up there. Like I would sign away Spring Break with my kids but I actually trusted you again and got burned and you know you said it because I caught you in your own lie. When I said you said they don't have Spring Break because of snow days you said I didn't say anything about snow days but you did say they have no Spring Break.and if I wanted the boys; to hate you which is the last thing I really want . I have a lot of ways that would do it, but I don't OH by the way I never said I was moving anywhere for sure and I didn't sign the papers to satisfy my guilt I think that's how you put it. I wanted to give the boy's what they wanted and it was really really hard and you will never know what it is like to sacrifice like that. It just is not fair when we both know you told me there was no break .And I don't want our children involved in our matters. I don't think it is fair to have SS1 call me about our conversations. he will never benefit from what is between you and I and you made me defend myself to him which he had know idea what he was talking about . He doesn't even know what conversation we had. Please don't get him involved he has been through enough. SS1 just needs to know the truth about me, so he doesn't have to be so angry anymore. He feels that I did some bad things to you and feels guilty when he gets to close to me. He feels that he is hurting you. The boys' don't have to say things to make me feel better because they know I will always give my time for them if they have something that comes up, but you won't and I even said I would pay for it. plus it isn't me that they want to see they also want to see their sister and by the way she is their real sister unlike what you said that's just mean to say that I'm the mother of all three of them and they are all very close. I want to end this now I am not fighting with you either way I promised myself and you I would never be here again. I just wish you could step up and right a wrong.

April 2, 2008

DH: I'm going to go over some things with you, hopefully this will clear things up.

- Our agreement was done between the the two of us. It was not court ordered until after we had already agreed. Visitation guidelines are just that, guidelines. I had done the math and felt that what I asked you for was reasonable, as you would have the same amount of time with the boys as you did when they were living in Former Home State. If we went by the "guidelines", you would not have every Christmas with them.

- Not having vacation because of snow days doesn't even make sense, since snow days are added to the end of the year, which is why I put in the paperwork for summer "dates based on school calendar."

- When we signed the paperwork, if you truly didn't know about April vacation, you really thought that it would be reasonable that you would get all of the boys' vacation time?

- We moved to new home state at the beginning of April, which means they have already had an April vacation up here. Why has it taken almost a year for this to be a problem? They were with me for April vacation last year as well.

- I didn't have SS1 call you to talk about it, you asked to have him call you about it. These were your exact words, "So, if you don't want me calling the court house, and causing a whole bunch of trouble, you better have them call me right away, 'cause they are going to know that you lied about this, and I don't care what you say to them, (chuckle) trust me, I'll make them believe it."

- Telling a child that he is not welcome in your home because he doesn't agree with your opinion about me is rejecting.

- Giving the boys what "they want" is not a very difficult or responsible way to have a parent-child relationship.

- SS1's issues with you are based on his own experiences with you, from things that have happened when I wasn't even there.

- Please feel free to send the flight money anyway, as it would be applied to your half of the boys' court ordered medical costs which you have always claimed not to be able to pay.

- From online wikipedia:

Full sibling

A full sibling (full brother or full sister), is a sibling that shares both biological or adoptive parents.

Half sibling

A half sibling (half brother or half sister) is a sibling with one shared biological or adoptive parent.

(are you going to disagree about biology, or are you now trying to say that Child #3 is my child after all?)

You haven't been wronged. You just aren't getting what you want when you want it.

I am not looking at this as fighting. You are expressing your concerns, I am expressing mine, and hopefully, eventually, we can come to some level of understanding. I can't address what is bothering you, unless you let me know.

April 3, 2008

BM: You told the boys' Child #3 was not their REAL sister not whole sister which is really cruel. she is their real sister like it or not and they could not love her any less than if she was their whole sister. When it comes to SS1 he is responsible for his behavior towards me. It is not that we won't let him come because he won't go against you it is the way he acts towards me. I am not upset that he believes your lies it is the way he talks to me and the chance that he will take more time away from the vacation like he did the last time when I had to babysit at my parents house when he snuck out of my parents house while my mom was sleeping for work and he went down to the pool after he was told that if he went out of the house he would be in big trouble. He does get disciplined for his actions with me. I will not put up with his attitude just like the officer told him. SS1 got him so upset that he told him to sit down and shut up and he better not talk to me or him like he was. So if you want to see how he behaves when your not around than you can get a report of that and see that he wasn't just disrespecting me , but a police officer. You might want to have a talk with him, like I have many times that it is important especially later in life that he better watch his behavior or he might have a lot of trouble later on. You are going to ruin him. He was fine until all the fun stuff was over and when he knew he wasn't going to get anymore stuff he just did what he wanted and said my dad said he doesn't care how I act with you and I do what ever I want and that is not excepted in my house.So obvious he doesn't care about seeing his sister too much. Child #3 told me the reason she doesn't go to him like she does SS2 is that he picks on her and is mean to her all the time, I would expect that from a younger brother more than the oldest one. My parents even have problems with him. He just thinks he can do anything he wants, you might let him, but I don't! So what your saying is that you lied But it is my fault that I didn't say anything about it last year. Well I am upset that you lied about 1 spring beak ,but now they end up having two and that is just plain selfish to make children wait SEVEN MONTHS to see their mother and then try to blame it on that they need to abide by paper work that was LIED about YEAH! your right they are going to retain so much guidance and maturity from that that I don't know how they could have a bright future with out that one. You keep trying to throw it on me. all I ever try to do is defend myself to SS1 not try to make him hate you .I don't want my kids to hate any one. Perpetual Fiance would gladly give me the money for the Spring trip.I personally don't make enough, but you should know that because the Judge from when you took me to court 3 times yelled at you and the attorney for you and said that he better not see this case come back in front of him again. He said this girl is on disability she doesn't make anything, but you never could get enough money and had to stoop down and try to get money out of your kids disabled mother.

April 3, 2008

BM: I will not take away SS2's 4 wheeling plans so you can keep the departure the same, but he will be going home no earlier than the 24th of Aug. There will be no other agreement that I will agree too. If you want too go by the areement we have through the court, than that is more than I even need to give you. That shows I am not the person that you claim I am.

April 3, 2008

DH: I have the police report from your last summer visit already, and all it indicates is that you can only discipline with physical violence and police intervention. The report actually states that SS1 removed himself from the situation by leaving the apartment, since in the past there has never been enough room for the boys to have their own space. This is a strategy that has been encouraged by his counselor and I am very proud of him for reacting to your actions that way. If you think the report shows SS1 in a bad light, you would be mistaken.

I am glad that you have realized that SS1's behavior stems from the fact that you continually promise them "fun" things to do to get them to want to visit with you. Of course if he is promised things and they are not followed through with, he will be disappointed. Maybe not spending months promising things and actually telling them that visitation is for time to be with you, and it doesn't matter what they are doing with you, could solve the problem you have pointed out.

It is not that I don't care about how he behaves, it is that I have nothing to do with your interactions with him when he is at your house. You need to address the issues that occur at your house, just as we address issues at our house. I have never had to call the police to help me parent.

The issues Child #3 may have with SS1 sound like they also have to do with discipline issues in your home. Fortunately, you are mistaken again about SS1's feelings. After you rejected him last week, he took his photos of Child #3 and put them in the plastic sleeve of his planner folder, so he could see them while at school. If you think SS1 doesn't care about Child #3, you really aren't able to see his pain at all.

Also, if your parents have such a problem with SS1, why is it that whenever you can't handle parenting him anymore, he goes to stay with them?

I am only pointing out that if this conversation you say happened about spring break, which never did because it was not part of the suggested visitation schedule I presented to you, I would think you would have mentioned it last year, instead of waiting until now.

Personally, I would find it more responsible to borrow money to support your children's medical costs, than spend it on extra vacation. That would be an example of the difficult decisions that a responsible parent has to make. I don't understand why would a parent put vacation before medical care?

I am surprised that you believe that I took you to court for child support. If you look at the top of your paperwork from our case, it clearly states "State of Former Home, Department of Revenue" as a listed petitioner. When a parent receives any support from the State of Former Home, they find the other parent to get their money back. When I was awarded custody, I applied for the state run Healthy Kids program, which provided health insurance at a lower cost. The State of Former Home took you back to court to get their money back. I was listed as a petitioner because we already had an open case in family court. If you look at our docket, the child support issues are addressed in the same file. However, I was not the one filing the paperwork. I appeared in court because I felt, since it concerned our children, that I should be there. The reason it went to court 3 times was because you did not provide evidence of your disability until the third time. I couldn't imagine a judge yelling at an attorney from the State Dept. of Revenue (again, all three times, that was not my personal lawyer). At the time we were in court for our divorce to be finalized, you also had no evidence of any disability, which is why 1/2 of the medical costs were ordered. You are free at any time to go back to court to petition to have that changed, until then, you are still expected to pay.

I am glad to see that you agree that the 4 wheeling plans are SS2's. He had asked about it months ago, and I said that we would have to see what your summer plans were, since, again, you only requested to have them 3 weeks out of the summer last year. When you stated to me that the summer plans were up to the boys, I told them they would have to discuss summer with you (which is what you requested). I have never asked you for that time (you are not giving "me" anything) and I have no plans yet to go 4 wheeling this summer, - you are more than welcome to have all of your summer. I have already told him that your time is all of the summer and we could go 4 wheeling on the weekend sometime before he left or after he returned. You are not taking anything away, because there is nothing planned. Would you like him to come down the day after he gets out of school and come home the day before?

April 4, 2008

BM: I really did ask you about Spring Break and, I'm sorry you don't remember that. I respect the fact that you would want that time with them, but there are now two weeks and since our sons, their sister and I have to wait 7 months to see each other. that it is insane you would understand that it is just plain reasonable that it is only human that this is too long for a parent, their children and their sibling to go with out seeing each other, when there is an extra week besides the one that I requested to to begin with and that you said did not exist. You honestly think that this is in our children's best interest to not see us for 7 months? When you have them everyday, weekend and one week during the Spring, if you want. I have to have all snow days taken off my vacation and I am willing, for the kid's sake, a week on top of that. Let me see if you can do the same for the kid's. I do understand that the boy's have friends, sports and such and that they want to do these things during my vacation and I am willing to sacrifice for them and always have. You are being asked for the second time and you haven't done that once for them.

Now when it comes too the case of the judge yelling at the attorney, you were there and this just proves that I have been writing too dragonmctt the whole time. At least with all my health problems I take the time too address the interest of our children first and foremost. You say that every business man dictates their letters, but I don't think of our children as a business. You can communicate too me yourself. I have known you since we were 15 and I know for a fact that you are not writing these at all, not even close. So when you can speak for yourself and for the interest of our children. You let me know when you can find the time, for OUR kids sake. I have to take a few days off because of crushing a nerve in my spine, only because the doctor has put me on full bed rest until I talk to the surgeon on Mon. I will address as much as I can until then against the doctors orders like I am doing right now.

April 4, 2008

DH: All I need you to address is if you want SS2 to fly:

1) right after school gets out/the day before school starts

2) one week after school gets out/August 24th

3) Another option could be right after school gets out/leave the one week at the end of the summer as it is now, so that he will get to see you sooner.

When you are able, please send a final confirmation.

April 8, 2008

BM: I am going to go with him coming right after school lets out and leave the week at the end so he can get ready for school to start. I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to you. I was in the hospital. They think I had a mild heart attack. I had really bad squeezing in my chest, my jaw locked up and I broke out in a cold sweat. My EKG came out bad and the test for a blood clot too the lung or heart came back positive, so I have been in CCU for a couple of day's on blood thinners and hooked up to every machine they had. Tell the boy's that I couldn't call them the last couple day's.

Spring Break Freak-Out

DH called BM in February and asked her what her plans were for the summer (last year they were supposed to be with her all summer, but she chose to only take them for 3 weeks). She stated at that time that it was up to the boys, so we told them that they needed to figure it out with her, but that if she asked for them to come down the whole summer than that was what would happen, since that is what the paperwork states (this is the first year we have allowed the boys to have any say in the matter (ages 13 and 15), but since last summer's trip went so poorly, we wanted the boys to be very clear with her about what the plans were). Over the next few weeks they hashed it out with BM.

BM had verbally agreed to SS1 going down for a month this summer, and SS2 spending the whole summer, minus a few days after school got out and a week before school started again. Flight reservations were made based on this, and the flight itinerary emailed to her.

Spring Break was coming up in April, which is not stipulated in the agreement as a time for the boys to travel to see her. She had called to have the boys fly out for the week, but after what had happened at Christmas and last summer, and especially since we had already made plans for the boys to visit to our former home state to visit both sets of grandparents, DH told her it wouldn't work out.

In March we get the following voicemail messages:

12:11 pm - Hey it's BM. I was looking over the, um, flight schedule that you sent me and I called the school and, um, they told me that the boys get off on the 20th and go back on August 27th. I mean, I think that's fair to, you know, have them come back a week early so they can get prepared for school, but since I can't get them that week, you know, you won't give me like one of the weeks, you know, they get one off in February and one in April now, and when we did that paperwork, you lied to me and said that because of school days they don't get spring break, and I think that's, you know, pretty low, so I'm not going to give up my week, you know, at the beginning of the, of the, um, summer vacation then, and, 'cause the paperwork says I get them all summer, so, you know, I'll give them that, that week before they go to school so they can pick out clothes and stuff like that, but I'm not going to give up the week, uh, before it. I get them such little time anyway, so, um, we're gonna have to work that out, 'cause it's in the paperwork that I get them the whole summer, you won't give me the weeks, uh, in spring, so I'm gonna take that week back, so, alright, I'll talk to you later. Bye.

BM actually gets the boys 5 more days a year with the current agreement than she did when she saw them every other weekend. How mature - you won't let me play with your toy, so I'm taking my toy back...jeez.

12:48 pm - I just don't understand why, you know, after you lying to me, all that lying to me, and, oh, and calling me a liar to the boys all these years, you know, you just can't give me a week, that I deserve, I DESERVE a week, when you are 50 miles away from a child, you deserve a week away, but no, me being, you know, taking your word for it, I signed papers for you and your wife to move up there with the boys, and you can't even give me a lousy week in the spring, I think that is pretty fucking lousy, now if you can't work that out, I want SS2 when he gets off, and you can send SS1 when he gets off, because that's how it's gonna be. I'm gonna get every frickin' day I can, with the boys. If you can't give me a lousy week in the spring, well, that's your fault then, and I'm gonna tell the boys that, that it is your fault, that you can't give me a week with them in the spring, so I'm making them come down a week early, 'cause I'm missing out on a week in spring. So, you can live with that, when I tell the boys that, 'cause it's YOUR fault, 'cause you guys are being selfish, and stuff, and your having to ask (dragonmctt) for permission on everything, frickin' ridiculous, hey, whatever happened to the balls that you had when we were married? God, she must have cut them off and frickin' put them in her purse. Man, 'cause you were frickin' balls when we were married. You didn't listen to a damn word I said. SO FIGURE IT OUT! Get SS2 back, over here, right when he gets out of school, and get SS1 out when he gets out.

It's interesting how you can see her winding herself right up. She really does believe that visitation is for her, not for the kids. She also projects all the time about lying, saying DH is the liar, when in fact it is her. I also find it funny that she says she never talks to the boys about issues from the divorce, yet she threatens to twice!

My favorite part, though, is the part about DH's balls. She can't stand the fact that DH and I are happily married and live our lives TOGETHER. When SS2 heard the message, he laughed and said, "She's always talking about your big, juicy balls." And then he shuddered, like any teenager (or adult, for that matter) would when thinking about a parent's anatomical parts.

2:15 pm - Hi, waiting for a call back, um, you know, you haven't answered me, why I can't have them for a week, you know, with them getting two weeks off in the spring, why is it that I can't have one of those weeks. You know, you haven't returned my call on that, and stuff, and so, I'm gonna have them the whole summer, then. 'Cause you're going by the paperwork, you can have them a couple days before, um, school, um, starts back up, but I'm not giving you the week after when school gets up too, if you can't even have the decency to give me an answer on that. So if we are going to go by the paperwork, I get them the whole summer, and you can have them a couple days before they have to go back. Your not getting them a whole week before they have to go back to school. You don't need a whole week. So. Give me a call back, it's all up, in your court, so give me a week in spring, when they have two weeks off, or you send them as soon as they get off of school, and you get them a couple days before they have to go back. So if you want to go by the paperwork, I'll go right along with the paperwork. So. Alright, talk to you later. Bye.

Is it just me, or does it sound like she is talking about arranging the schedule for a timeshare? It is almost as if the boys themselves aren't even in the equation.

2:17 pm - Oh, yeah, and by the way, I will tell the boys why that is and it's because you lied to me, and saying they had to make up their snow days during the spring, and they'll know that you also lied again, um, so, you know, it's up to you, you can fix it, or you can, uh, let them know, you know, just how deceptive you are, so, let me know, alright, bye.

Projection, projection, projection. Threatening to talk to the boys about it again.

2:23 pm - Over here, they're staying the whole summer then, if that's how it's going to be, you lied to me, and your going to be jerk about it, well, the boys will know that they're going to miss out on everything that they are going to be able to do this summer, because of you, because you wouldn't let me have them for spring break, that I would be entitled to, and you know damn well that's true, and I'm just gonna tell them, it's your fault, I'll keep them the whole summer then, but it is YOUR fault, because you lied to me, you know very damn well you did, so, do whatever you want, but I'm getting them the whole summer.

Projection, projection, projection. Threatening to talk to the boys again. And why are they going to miss out on everything this summer?

5:10 pm - DH called her back and tried to explain that only summer and Christmas were in the agreement, and that there had been no conversation about it, but she was too far in her rage to listen.

5:32 pm - Hey, have the boys call me as soon as they get home, 'cause I'm supposed to be able to get a hold of them whenever I want to, uh, I'm supposed to have direct contact with them whenever I want, you guys don't have a normal phone, I'm gonna go to the courts with that, um, and, that's gonna be changed, um, so they better call me right away. So, if you don't want me calling the court house, and causing a whole bunch of trouble, you better have them call me right away, 'cause they are going to know that you lied about this, and I don't care what you say to them, (chuckle) trust me, I'll make them believe it. And you know you lied about it, you know you told me there was no spring break, so, you know, everything that they are going to miss this summer, is all going to be on your shoulders, or should I say (dragonmctt), since you can't make a decision to save your life, so, you always have to ask mommy for everything, so, um, I'll talk to you later.

Yeah, we'll get those walkie-talkies implanted into their skulls right away! All she has is a cell phone - we at least have Skype that the boys can use whenever they want, with their own incoming number and voicemail. We actually got this so she could video chat with them, but has she ever got it set up? It's FREE! How much more trouble could she cause? (we're dying to get her into court anyway). Some more projection. The "I'll make them believe it" sent shivers down my spine. Didn't she just admit to being an alienator? Still don't get why she thinks the boys are missing something this summer. And finally, another dig at our healthy relationship, which ironically, is also a projection of her relationship with Perpetual Fiance (as we find out in a later email).

Since she stated numerous times that she would be discussing this issue with the boys (highly inappropriate), we figured we better give them a heads up. We told them that of course their dad and I discuss plans and how that affects the whole family, and that in good relationships, things are discussed together. We also let them know that if she states in writing that she wants the flight changed to all summer, that is what will happen. We discussed with them that we felt it was inappropriate for her to be discussing this with them, but that she wanted them to call her right away. She talks to SS1 for a whole 3 minutes, telling SS1 that he had to say DH was a liar, that SS1 was responsible for his grandfather's recent heart attack, and when SS1 refused to agree that DH was evil, she hung up on him.

These is the email that SS1 wrote to her after getting off the phone:

I was trying to get over my self to visit you this summer but you are forceing me to stay the whole summer because of something between you and my dad and putting me in it is pretty childish I mean we could not last 2 weeks and you think we will last the whole summer and trying to guilt me with grandpa that was pretty crul. I will always love you but I just can't handle this so until then this is it.

5:58 - That's fine, if SS1 doesn't want to come, that's fine, but get SS2 on a plane, I'll have all summer with him, so that's fine.

We let SS2 know that he would be going for the whole summer, which he was not happy with, since he wanted a week of summertime with his friends up here. SS2 is on the couch, and we tell him that he needs to call his his mom. He gives us a smirk and says, "I got it covered." As if he already knew he could manipulate her. And he comes out of his room 10 minutes later and says that he can come back a week early. Don't know what part of his soul he had to sell.

Can't buy me love, love...

...Tell me that you want the kind of thing that money just can't buy,
I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me love.
- The Beatles


So SS1 just spoke to BM on the phone. After gushing about all the things SS2 has been doing, she asks SS1 if he is planning on coming for the week at Christmas (6 months away). He tries to be polite to her on the phone, as to be able to have some type of normal conversation with her, yet she insists on discussing this with him now, the first time he has talked to her in weeks. Then she puts SS2 on the phone to beg SS1 to come at Christmas. Then she guilts SS1 with how much his little sister misses him and how he can go to an indoor water park. He tries to end the conversation by telling her he'll think about it, instead of telling her how he really feels, which is scared to death that she is going to call the police on him again, and disgusted that she would say a little version of DH was not welcome in her house (which she wrote in an email a few months ago). So she goes to her last resort, "I'll give you $200.00 if you come."

SS1 got off the phone utterly disgusted. He did a good job keeping his cool, but he was so disappointed that he couldn't have a normal conversation with his mom, his brother or his sister. The whole time it was all about the drama - not "How are you? What's new?"

I don't get it.

Answering the Call

SS2 left a message for us last night. We called back today, BM answered the phone, DH told her SS2 had left us a message and he would like to talk to him, and she says to SS2, "Did you call your dad last night?" in that snotty tone, like she thinks we are lying, or SS2 did something wrong. Apparently he called while she was sleeping, or something, because she knew nothing about it. Part of me feels bad that we may have put him in a predicament, because I'm sure he'll hear an earful. Yet, another part of me feels like this is the only way he is going to understand. We never restrict his calling BM, unless he is trying to get out of a chore or extend his bedtime, yet she constantly bitches about phone contact - like she's supposed to have a 24-7 intercom attached to his ear.

He only answered in yes or no answers and had nothing to share, so we ended the call in about 3 minutes. It was clear that BM was staring him down and he felt uncomfortable. I'm sure she will either hide the cell phone or threaten him not to talk to us until Sunday. Next time we talk to him, DH is going to tell him that if he gets the voicemail and leaves us a message, just to tell us that he will call back when he can and isn't expecting us to call back, so we don't put him in this situation again.

He's going to learn the hard way what his older brother has had to deal with for years, while he was off in lala land playing with his little sister. Maybe he'll come home with a new appreciation for SS1 and what he has been through.