Temporary Custody

At the custody hearing, worthless lawyer #1 allowed DH to be raked over the coals by the General Master. He claimed DH and BM were wearing "black hats" because she took the boys out of the state, but DH was 'legally' refusing to return them to her (whenever that was going to be convenient for her, apparently). In fact, BM had told DH when he picked them up, not to worry about enrolling them in school, it should only be for 3 or 4 weeks! Are you kidding me?

During the hearing (which BM participated in telephonically since she was still out of state)...

1) DH described the living conditions when we went to pick up the boys at her apartment (remember when we picked them up at the beginning of summer, she met us at the parking lot where she worked) which we had not seen until then. The four of them were living in a studio apartment, the boys were sleeping on a pull out couch, all of their toys were in storage (they had been there for over 6 months already) except for a few matchbox cars and a video game system. I asked to use the bathroom while I was there, and the mirror had a spiderweb of broken glass, as if someone had punched it (and if you think we think it was the fiance, you would be incorrect!)

We also found out when we received SS1's records, that she had moved his school once before she moved (so that it was easier to pick up SS2 at daycare) and then again when she moved, so he had attended 3 different schools in a span of 4 months. He was retained the year he was with her in 1st grade, and was severely behind in reading readiness skills. The 2nd school he was at began the process for considering him for evaluation for ESE (special education), but BM never continued the process at the 3rd school. We would soon find out through the school that we enrolled him in, that he qualified for speech (articulation) and language (processing issues). By third grade he was caught back up enough that he did 1/2 year of 4th grade and 1/2 year of 5th grade to get him back on track.

2) The General Master told BM that if she wanted any chance to get custody, she needed to move back to the home state. BM stated that she had put a deposit down on a house. GM told BM she should have thought about that before she moved out of state. Then BM made a big stink about the fact that DH had moved into my apartment with the boys, because he wasn't on the rental agreement - who cares???

3) BM called her boyfriend her fiance several times in the hearing, until the General Master couldn't take it anymore and asked her if she realized she was at the hearing to get a divorce (implying that she really shouldn't have a fiance yet). It went totally over her head, and she kept referring to him as her fiance! To honor his determination to be there to protect his daughter, I will refer to him in this blog as "Perpetual Fiance".

Lucky Break

DH received a phone call from a friend, who lives in the state DH and BM had moved to for a short time, and who was wondering if DH wanted to get together, since the friend had seen BM and the boys the other day (he assumed that DH had moved back with them). HUGE BREAK! We know knew their general location. She had returned to the area that they had just moved from before the separation. A frantic day of calling her parents to let them know he knew where they were, calls to the local school to see if they were enrolled, and an undying urge to drive the 14 hours to "get" them, all resulted in a phone call the next day from BM. She was graciously going to allow the boys to visit DH over the summer. Again, lawyer #1 was of no help, and told DH there was nothing to be done. DH finally procured her address and informed his lawyer that he wanted to file for divorce. Papers were served, but she defaulted. Hearing was set. The day of the hearing, she filed stating that she did not understand that she was in default. Summer visitation is arranged, with DH traveling 14 hours one way to pick the boys up, and her parents taking them back.

How Could They?

DH tried unsuccessfully to contact BM several times over the next few weeks. He would show up for his visits, but the boys would never arrive. As frustrating as this was, he was not alarmed yet, as she had been very cavalier with his time in the past, and he assumed that this was just another one of her "moods". He called her phone (at first the boys were always "out playing" when he called, eventually the phone was disconnected), he called her work (she no longer worked there), he spoke with her parents (they had no idea what was going on and didn't want to get in the middle of whatever it was-yeah, right), he contacted their school (they had been withdrawn and the secretary flat out refused to tell him what school their records had been forwarded to). By this point, panic had started to set in. Lawyer #1 was absolutely no help, and told DH to just wait until the hearing (it hadn't even been set yet, neither of them had officially filed for divorce due to monetary concerns). Apparently the Separation Agreement already signed by both parties, stating his visitation rights and restricting BM from taking the children out of state, was as valuable as a piece of used toilet paper.

The Prelude

The first time I met the boys, we took them to a dirt bike race at the local fairgrounds. DH had only weekend visitation at that point, along with a few hours for dinner Wednesday nights. I look back to that day with happiness (the one and only day with them not filled with some degree of anxiety). Thankfully, DH had not yet shared all the drama that had recently occurred, or hinted at all the drama to come, or I'm sure I would not have such fond memories of the day. DH and I had been dating for about a month, he had been legally separated, after 9 years of marriage, for almost 4 months, and emotionally separated for about 6 years.

It was like meeting the children of an old friend from college. We played, laughed, told stories and had a great time. They tried to swindle me out of money, and I made DH pull over the car after realizing they hadn't really put their seat belts on. A typical day with children. After that day, DH couldn't see the boys for 3 months.