After a few minutes of talking about it, DH and I think that it wasn't BM's father that ranted to our attorney today. We think it was BM's boyfriend, otherwise known as Perpetual Fiance.
1. Yelling on the phone is very OUT OF character for BM's father.
2. Yelling on the phone is very IN character for Perpetual Fiance.
What we are still pondering is if our attorney misheard and the caller said he was SS1 and SS2's SISTER's father, or if he just flat out claimed to be BM's father.
Isn't it amazing how a simple act of attending a hearing can be filled with so much drama, mystery and chaos????? How do we all get through our days living so normally?
March 30, 2009
My daddy needs to talk to you...
Alrighty then, today we had our pretrial hearing. Before I go into the comical events of the day, I'll update you on the GAL's report.
GAL Report:
The GAL's report was short and sweet, as he mostly addressed only the visitation issues. SS1 wants Christmas and only two weeks in the summer at BM's. SS2 wants Christmas, April vacation and all of summer. Ironically, about 1 1/2 weeks before we get the GAL report, SS2 informs us that he wants to play golf next year (his freshman year in high school). Guess what? Practice starts two weeks before school starts. When we got the GAL report we explained to him that he already had his opportunity to let the GAL know what he wanted and he apparently did not make it clear enough, so it was up to him to get his mother to agree, and that we would not be making any efforts with BM to make that happen for him.
Regarding our petition for sole decision-making based on the medical issues of last summer, the GAL merely recommended that any medical issues be addressed with the boys' primary care physician. This is a step in the right direction, but we are going to ask that the order specifically states that BM needs to notify DH in advance, as it should not be up to the physician to do BM's parenting for her.
Pre-Trial hearing:
So we get to the courthouse and are in the waiting room with the GAL and our attorney. The family court is in the process of moving, so we were kind of curious how this was all going to pan out since they had already removed the phones to the new building (BM always appears via telephone because of her "illnesses". The lucky body part of the day today was her pancreas - new one, she hadn't gone there yet!) Lo and behold, someone from the Superior Court stopped by our table and let our attorney know she was on the phone. But when our attorney got there, it was actually her FATHER! He went on this tirade about how messed up the family court was. Our attorney came back chuckling and told us what happened. About 10 minutes later, another woman from the Superior Court office came over and said BM was now on the phone. Attorney goes to talk to her and record her pretrial statement. No official hearing - never even saw the marital master.
What happens now, you ask?
BM told attorney that she was done, ready to settle. She stated that SS2 will be coming to see her in April. What she doesn't realize is that the April vacation was only recommended by the GAL - it is not officially ordered. So if she doesn't settle by the end of this week, it is highly unlikely that SS2 will be coming out for April.
While we were sitting with the GAL and our attorney, the GAL suggested the same thing we suggested to BM back in January, which was that each of the boys meet with a third party (we had suggested their counselor, but our GAL volunteered to be the third party today) to express their wishes for each vacation time, the GAL would determine the dates, ask BM if she wanted the kids on those dates - yes or no, the flights would be made, and there would be no changes. DH and I are all on board with that! We have no problem with the GAL getting a first hand experience trying to make arrangements with BM.
So, she either agrees with this new old plan ASAP, or we go to final hearing, which would be set for about 30 days from now, well after April vacation.
I can't believe she had her father call the courthouse! Makes us think she may be back living with her parents in FormerHomeState, though. It seems unusual that he would call unless she was right in front of him pitching a fit. We'll find out if she doesn't pick up the paperwork at the current address she has on file with the court! When we were leaving, we apologized to our attorney for having to listen to the BS from BM's father, and let him know, unfortunately, BM's dad is the mellow one! Attorney shook his head, rolled his eyes and laughed.
He really has no idea!
GAL Report:
The GAL's report was short and sweet, as he mostly addressed only the visitation issues. SS1 wants Christmas and only two weeks in the summer at BM's. SS2 wants Christmas, April vacation and all of summer. Ironically, about 1 1/2 weeks before we get the GAL report, SS2 informs us that he wants to play golf next year (his freshman year in high school). Guess what? Practice starts two weeks before school starts. When we got the GAL report we explained to him that he already had his opportunity to let the GAL know what he wanted and he apparently did not make it clear enough, so it was up to him to get his mother to agree, and that we would not be making any efforts with BM to make that happen for him.
Regarding our petition for sole decision-making based on the medical issues of last summer, the GAL merely recommended that any medical issues be addressed with the boys' primary care physician. This is a step in the right direction, but we are going to ask that the order specifically states that BM needs to notify DH in advance, as it should not be up to the physician to do BM's parenting for her.
Pre-Trial hearing:
So we get to the courthouse and are in the waiting room with the GAL and our attorney. The family court is in the process of moving, so we were kind of curious how this was all going to pan out since they had already removed the phones to the new building (BM always appears via telephone because of her "illnesses". The lucky body part of the day today was her pancreas - new one, she hadn't gone there yet!) Lo and behold, someone from the Superior Court stopped by our table and let our attorney know she was on the phone. But when our attorney got there, it was actually her FATHER! He went on this tirade about how messed up the family court was. Our attorney came back chuckling and told us what happened. About 10 minutes later, another woman from the Superior Court office came over and said BM was now on the phone. Attorney goes to talk to her and record her pretrial statement. No official hearing - never even saw the marital master.
What happens now, you ask?
BM told attorney that she was done, ready to settle. She stated that SS2 will be coming to see her in April. What she doesn't realize is that the April vacation was only recommended by the GAL - it is not officially ordered. So if she doesn't settle by the end of this week, it is highly unlikely that SS2 will be coming out for April.
While we were sitting with the GAL and our attorney, the GAL suggested the same thing we suggested to BM back in January, which was that each of the boys meet with a third party (we had suggested their counselor, but our GAL volunteered to be the third party today) to express their wishes for each vacation time, the GAL would determine the dates, ask BM if she wanted the kids on those dates - yes or no, the flights would be made, and there would be no changes. DH and I are all on board with that! We have no problem with the GAL getting a first hand experience trying to make arrangements with BM.
So, she either agrees with this new old plan ASAP, or we go to final hearing, which would be set for about 30 days from now, well after April vacation.
I can't believe she had her father call the courthouse! Makes us think she may be back living with her parents in FormerHomeState, though. It seems unusual that he would call unless she was right in front of him pitching a fit. We'll find out if she doesn't pick up the paperwork at the current address she has on file with the court! When we were leaving, we apologized to our attorney for having to listen to the BS from BM's father, and let him know, unfortunately, BM's dad is the mellow one! Attorney shook his head, rolled his eyes and laughed.
He really has no idea!
March 1, 2009
Sorry it has been so long...
Jeez, time flies! I have been thoroughly enamored with Mister M's new forum, www.thepsychoexwife.com/forums/, plus I haven't been wanting to post any info that is still in the works, just in case.
Here's what I can update so far (more to come at the beginning of April)...
Winter Break - BM finally emailed us the info needed for the airline - big surprise, she hasn't even changed her Driver's License yet (it is still from FormerHomeState, even though she has been living in her new state for almost a year). The engine for our car died when we were en route to the airport, so we had 5 of us crammed into a friends Jeep Wrangler to get to the rental place where we rented a car to get them the rest of the way to the airport. The boys took off as scheduled - whew! The flight back had to be changed because BM refused to drive in a couple inches of snow, but it worked out well in the end since the boys were supposed to come back on different days, so with the rescheduling we got them both back on the same day. There was some concern about whether their flight would be canceled, not because of weather at BM's location, but because of weather at ours. But thankfully the flight took off, slightly delayed. Of course we had to drive in a snowstorm that dropped 9 inches in order to get them at the airport, but whatever! At least they were home. The first thing both of them said when they got off the plane was how BM had taken their Christmas money which her parents had sent them and used it to pay her rent. Lovely!
Court Proceedings - right before the boys were to leave, BM contacted DH saying she wanted to see if they could come to some sort of agreement. She stated that she was fine with DH having sole decision-making, but that she wanted the boys to be able to decide when to come see her on their vacations (she has it in her head that the boys should be with her for EVERY vacation period, for the whole time, essentially giving them zero time to vacation with us or spend non-school time with their friends). DH responded that he would prefer to wait to see how the winter break vacation went first before discussing it with her. After the boys got back, DH proposed that the boys would meet with him, her and their counselor before each break and a decision would be made between them as to where the boys would be for that break. She would get what she wanted, which was the potential for the boys to spend every vacation with her if they wanted, and we would know the boys would be accountable for what they were telling each of us about where they want to spend their time. Win, win - you'd think? Well, she got completely paranoid, and said she wanted a comment put in the order that DH would not pay the boys their airfare money to not see her. WTF? We realized at that point that there would never be any agreement good enough for her, and we certainly weren't going to encourage her paranoia, so DH responded back and simply told her that he was concerned with her paranoia and that he felt it would be better to have a third party involved (the GAL). So we have continued on with the GAL.
GAL - Our request for a new GAL was awarded, and the pretrial hearing was moved to the end of March to allow the new GAL time to get everything done. It took us over a month to get our $500 back from the uncertified GAL! So thankful the futures of our children are no longer in that woman's hands! We didn't tell the boys about the GAL until the day he came, SS1 was surprised, but SS2 didn't bat an eye, because BM had already been "working" him about it. Big surprise. The GAL had already spent a couple hours with us, and spent about an hour with each of the boys. After the March hearing, I'll be able to update you on the complete irony about the GAL and what his report will include - I can't wait!
Money - Since SS1's birthday in October, BM has been promising to send the boys money. In fact, she promised SS1 $500.00. Yeah, whatever! So ever since October we have had to listed to SS1's dreams of how he is spending the money. Ugghhh! So after Winter Break, and the boys realizing she needed their Christmas money to pay her rent, it seemed they had gotten over the illusion that she was sending any money. So about mid-January, BM started in on the sending money again. She told each of the boys she was sending them $200. So everyday they would ask, "Did the box come yet? Did the box come yet?" Week after week went by and no box. Again, big surprise. Excuse after excuse, and finally SS1 got fed up. He told her he was planning a snowmobile trip with some friends and that he needed the money by Monday (it was Friday night when he told her this). So she finally sends the money Western Union. The hysterical part is that there was no snowmobile trip! It was SS1's way to finally call her bluff and force her to follow through : ) Not that I'm proud of him for lying to her, but I'm glad all the years that they have learned manipulation from her, they are finally using it on her! Even funnier is the fact that they were calling BM about twice a week to find out the status of their "money box", but now that she has sent the money, they are totally blowing her off. She really only has the most superficial relationship with her kids.
So that is about all I can update on right now, but I'll post more early April to let you know what happened at the pretrial hearing.
Here's what I can update so far (more to come at the beginning of April)...
Winter Break - BM finally emailed us the info needed for the airline - big surprise, she hasn't even changed her Driver's License yet (it is still from FormerHomeState, even though she has been living in her new state for almost a year). The engine for our car died when we were en route to the airport, so we had 5 of us crammed into a friends Jeep Wrangler to get to the rental place where we rented a car to get them the rest of the way to the airport. The boys took off as scheduled - whew! The flight back had to be changed because BM refused to drive in a couple inches of snow, but it worked out well in the end since the boys were supposed to come back on different days, so with the rescheduling we got them both back on the same day. There was some concern about whether their flight would be canceled, not because of weather at BM's location, but because of weather at ours. But thankfully the flight took off, slightly delayed. Of course we had to drive in a snowstorm that dropped 9 inches in order to get them at the airport, but whatever! At least they were home. The first thing both of them said when they got off the plane was how BM had taken their Christmas money which her parents had sent them and used it to pay her rent. Lovely!
Court Proceedings - right before the boys were to leave, BM contacted DH saying she wanted to see if they could come to some sort of agreement. She stated that she was fine with DH having sole decision-making, but that she wanted the boys to be able to decide when to come see her on their vacations (she has it in her head that the boys should be with her for EVERY vacation period, for the whole time, essentially giving them zero time to vacation with us or spend non-school time with their friends). DH responded that he would prefer to wait to see how the winter break vacation went first before discussing it with her. After the boys got back, DH proposed that the boys would meet with him, her and their counselor before each break and a decision would be made between them as to where the boys would be for that break. She would get what she wanted, which was the potential for the boys to spend every vacation with her if they wanted, and we would know the boys would be accountable for what they were telling each of us about where they want to spend their time. Win, win - you'd think? Well, she got completely paranoid, and said she wanted a comment put in the order that DH would not pay the boys their airfare money to not see her. WTF? We realized at that point that there would never be any agreement good enough for her, and we certainly weren't going to encourage her paranoia, so DH responded back and simply told her that he was concerned with her paranoia and that he felt it would be better to have a third party involved (the GAL). So we have continued on with the GAL.
GAL - Our request for a new GAL was awarded, and the pretrial hearing was moved to the end of March to allow the new GAL time to get everything done. It took us over a month to get our $500 back from the uncertified GAL! So thankful the futures of our children are no longer in that woman's hands! We didn't tell the boys about the GAL until the day he came, SS1 was surprised, but SS2 didn't bat an eye, because BM had already been "working" him about it. Big surprise. The GAL had already spent a couple hours with us, and spent about an hour with each of the boys. After the March hearing, I'll be able to update you on the complete irony about the GAL and what his report will include - I can't wait!
Money - Since SS1's birthday in October, BM has been promising to send the boys money. In fact, she promised SS1 $500.00. Yeah, whatever! So ever since October we have had to listed to SS1's dreams of how he is spending the money. Ugghhh! So after Winter Break, and the boys realizing she needed their Christmas money to pay her rent, it seemed they had gotten over the illusion that she was sending any money. So about mid-January, BM started in on the sending money again. She told each of the boys she was sending them $200. So everyday they would ask, "Did the box come yet? Did the box come yet?" Week after week went by and no box. Again, big surprise. Excuse after excuse, and finally SS1 got fed up. He told her he was planning a snowmobile trip with some friends and that he needed the money by Monday (it was Friday night when he told her this). So she finally sends the money Western Union. The hysterical part is that there was no snowmobile trip! It was SS1's way to finally call her bluff and force her to follow through : ) Not that I'm proud of him for lying to her, but I'm glad all the years that they have learned manipulation from her, they are finally using it on her! Even funnier is the fact that they were calling BM about twice a week to find out the status of their "money box", but now that she has sent the money, they are totally blowing her off. She really only has the most superficial relationship with her kids.
So that is about all I can update on right now, but I'll post more early April to let you know what happened at the pretrial hearing.
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