Letter being sent tomorrow:
I received your numerous and lengthy voice mails from September 9, 2008, however, none of them offered any solutions to the issues I asked you to respond to in my letter of August 22, 2008:
Please explain your plans to communicate in a more timely manner regarding the boys medical care, as well as your plans to ensure that in the future neither of the boys are stranded away from your home in BMHomeState without any means to return at the scheduled time and place.
This leads me to believe that you are unwilling to offer any solutions to the problems experienced this summer with your parenting time with SS2.
Enclosed you will find a letter which needs to be signed and returned to me by September 27th, confirming that you are in agreement with my proposed solutions to the problems. Upon receipt of your agreement, flight reservations will be made. Without your written agreement by the 27th, I will have to entertain other options to ensure the boys’ well-being during your parenting time.
Winter 2008 Flight Arrangements:
The first day of Winter Vacation is December 24, 2008. The last day of Winter Vacation is January 4th.
I would like SS2 to arrive _______________________ (date) and depart _________________ (date).
I would like SS1 to arrive _______________________ (date) and depart _________________ (date).
All Future Parenting Time, starting with Winter 2008:
Travel Arrangements:
I, BM, am aware that once I have agreed to flight dates, no changes will be made to original flight reservations. Any changes in dates/times/locations must be agreed upon in writing, and I am responsible for providing my own flight reservations and purchasing tickets. The boys will not travel outside BMHomeState, unless I have the financial ability to purchase tickets, or secure some other form of transportation, to ensure their return to OurHomeState on the date scheduled.
It is my responsibility to monitor the weather and determine if circumstances require the boys to leave early to avoid any flight cancellations, as I did during my parenting time in the summer of 2008. Should I notify you of such an event, you will be responsible for changing any flights to arrange for the boys travel back to OurHomeState.
Medical Care:
It is my responsibility to notify you immediately of any visits the boys may have to the Emergency Room or any other health care provider. If the situation is not immediately LIFE THREATENING, I will consult with you before seeking medical care. If the situation is life threatening, I will notify you upon arrival at the hospital, with a description of the incident, hospital name and phone number, and confirmation that insurance information has been provided to the medical provider.
Discipline:
I will notify you if either of the boys need to return to OurHomeState early due to discipline issues instead of physically striking either of them or seeking police intervention. You will be responsible for any changes in flight arrangements should such an event occur.
___________________________________ _______________
Signature Date
September 18, 2008
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
6 comments:
Sorry, I got confused between all the "I's" and "You's" toward the end. Will your husband be responsible for flight changes? And if she signs this, is it legally binding?
DH's intent with this letter is to clearly state to her what his concerns are and what solutions he is offering. BM was very demanding about SS2's flight changes this summer and did not approached DH at first with a "request". She assumed because she wished it so, that it would be. By giving her any indication that that is acceptable would leave DH open to complete chaos every time the boys fly. She attempted this on the boys' first vacation visit with her years ago, when she took them to another state on vacation and promised them they would see snow, and the day before she was to send them home, she insisted that they stay longer because it was "reportedly" going to snow in a few more days. Who the hell promises their kid the weather? Needless to say, they came home on time, and what do you know, it didn't snow. It had been a long time since she had done something like that, so at the time they filed the joint supplemental petition for us to move, we really didn't think about making the agreement so detailed to for see any stunt she may possibly pull. Big mistake, won't happen again!
While DH does not want to deal with her frivolous attempts to get him to spend more money and disturb our plans, he is aware that there may be instances that changes need to be made for circumstances beyond her control, namely flight cancellations due to weather. Fine, we can agree that that would be an appropriate time for DH to be responsible for changing the flight.
Also, during the last time SS1 went to see her, after she slapped SS1 across the face for having a "teenage" attitude, DH pleaded with her to have SS1 stay with his parents for the last few days before his flight. She refused, and instead waited a few days and then called the police on SS1, which she admitted she only did so the police weren't called on her and to teach SS1 a "lesson." That he was going to "respect" her. Strangely enough, we are able to discipline SS1 without resorting to physically hitting him and he learns to respect us without police involvement. DH wants to make it clear that should she have difficulty parenting him again, that he would be willing to arrange to have him sent home early, so she could not use flight changes as reason she had no choice but to call the police or hit him.
The whole medical issue just leaves us dumbfounded. Isn't it just common sense to notify the other parent when a child receives medical treatment? But here DH is, spelling it out for her.
So, as far as being "legally" binding, an agreement is an agreement. Would it help us get a "pick up order" if she tries to mess with the flights again? Absolutely.
If there were continued problems with the medical or discipline issues, would we be able to file contempt? No, but if she signs it and then goes back on her agreement, it will show her complete unwillingness to co-parent and keep DH informed of what is going on. If she doesn't sign it, DH can at least show that he has 1) requested her input to solve the problems, 2) attempted to provide solutions to the problems, and 3) taken every opportunity to resolve the issues before pursuing any further legal remedy. And either situation would make it easier for us to show that there is a need to modify the current agreement (after which we would be able to file for contempt).
So, either way, whether she signs it or not, DH is making sure that he is doing what he needs to do to resolve the issues, and whatever her choices are from this point forward will determine his next actions.
Wow, I like how you've put all of this in writing. I'm filing this away in a mental note to myself.
Meesha - if there is one thing I have gotten good at after all these years, it is putting things in writing! Hence the filing cabinet worth of documentation ; ) Unfortunately, the final divorce decree ordered 7 years ago was woefully insufficient to deal with all the issues. The state we were in had very vague guidelines at the time, and we had no idea how specific we could be (and our lawyer suggested just the basics anyway), plus we were just eager to get it over with (the divorce had dragged on for 2 years by then). Fortunately, the new state we are in has very specific guidelines for the parenting plan written into the legislation, so we are now trying to get our order changed to cover these issues.
There have been some new developments regarding this post, but I don't want to comment until the October 29th, just in case, so check back then : )
Did she sign it? I have boxes of papers I need to file...too lazy and like (not) scrounging through boxes of docs when the atty calls.
No, she didn't sign it - check out my new post! Life is beautiful!
Post a Comment