TA DAH!
I'm back. We had a hearing today, hence the lack of blogging for about a month. Didn't want anything out there in the internet world, just in case.
The initial petition was filed to Register a Foreign Order. DH filed back in August, when we had concerns because she was threatening not to return SS2 from his summer visit. BM played the "the certified letter notices fell under my stairs" routine, so he had to have her personally served. Hearing was set for today. After SS2 came back, and we had to go through the drama regarding his medical care, DH decided enough was enough, and he filed a Petition to Determine Jurisdiction and Motion to Modify Court Order, along with a revised proposal for a parenting plan. He may not get everything he asked for, but he figured if he is going back to court, he might as well try.
So today we had no idea what the marital master (MM) was going to address. The clerk had told us that he would only hear issues regarding registering the order. We also did not know if BM would be appearing as she never returned the Notice of Appearance that she was served.
We show up to court today, and sure enough, she is appearing on the phone. The MM enters, swears everyone in, and off we go.
1) The first thing he addressed was jurisdiction (so glad DH filed that : ).
MM asks BM if she was in agreement that the boys had lived in OurNewState since May of 2007. She started venting about how HerNewState should have jurisdiction, and that she was in the process of trying to get that. So the MM asked her again, Ms. BM, do you agree... Finally she said yes. He asked her if there were any pending hearings in any state. She goes on again about how she was planning to get HerNewState to take jurisdiction. Again, he asks her if anything is pending, she says no.
MM asks her if she in fact moved to HerNewState at the beginning of 2008. Again she vents about how HerNewState should have jurisdiction. So the MM asked her again, Ms. BM, do you agree that you moved at the beginning of 2008... Finally she said yes...and then vents some more. MM explained to her that only OurNewState or FormerHomeState could possibly have jurisdiction. There are no circumstances where her state could claim jurisdiction. MM determines that OurNewState has jurisdiction. STRIKE ONE!
2) MM registered the order.
3) MM assigned a GAL. Total surprise at first, since we did not request it, but thinking about what we had asked for in the Motion to Modify Court Order (including her not slapping SS1 in the face as discipline and calling the police before giving DH a chance to get him home), it appears that MM read between the lines and understands how involved this situation is. Then BM acts all happy, and states that "all I wanted was a GAL", as if it was her idea. STRIKE TWO!
(She has no idea how horrendous this will be for her. Not only are we looking forward to her rambling on with accusations that don't make any sense to any rational person, we are so looking forward to speaking to the GAL ourselves and showing our documentation, as well as having the GAL speak to the boys. While we are aware that some GAL's just don't get it in custody cases where primary custody is being determined, chances are very slim that the GAL is not going to be able to see what is going on, since DH has had custody for over 8 years now and she is still acting the same way she always has, and we are sure that just as the MM has concerns about the case, the GAL will as well. Of course we will be stuck with the bill, since she is never responsible for anything, but the joy of us reading the report will be worth every penny.)
3) After ordering the GAL, MM asked if there were any other motions he should be addressing. We had a feeling that MM would not be addressing our Motion to Modify a Court order at this hearing, so our attorney presented a Temporary Order as follows:
Transportation arrangements for the children between the parents shall be as follows: DH will notify BM in writing the dates of the children's winter and summer vacations at least 45 days prior to the first day of each vacation. BM shall respond in writing within five days indicating the days she would like the children to travel to and from her residence, and DH shall make airline reservations for the children which conform to BM's request as nearly as possible. If no response is received within five days, DH shall select the dates the children will travel and purchase appropriate airplane tickets. If BM seeks to change travel times/dates selected through either method, she shall be responsible for all costs associated with said changes. If changes to the travel schedule are required due to inclement weather, both parties shall seek to cause the children to travel earlier than later, in order to reduce the chance of the children being required to wait at an airport for extended periods of time.
In order for SS1 to be able to drive while visiting BM, BM must insure SS2 on her own policy.
MM asks BM if she has any objections to the order and she says no! STRIKE THREE! What the heck??? That is all we asked for this summer, but it was too much for her to agree to. Are you kidding me? She's trying to look like the "cooperative" one, but voicemails don't lie! The driving thing we threw in because there is no way we are paying to have her car fixed with her lack of supervision. Plus our concern is that she could get in a wreck while SS1 was there and say he was driving. Who would the insurance company believe? Her or a 16 year old new driver?
4) MM asks if there are any other motions to be considered. BM pipes up and goes on a 6-7 minute tirade about me!!! How I send her harassing letters, how DH has to ask me if any changes are made, rattles off several of her medical issues, how she offered to pay to change the flight and how his petition makes her look like she was not financially able to return the boys, how she hasn't wanted to, but she has had to show the kids court documentation to "defend herself", brings up the issue about HerNewState should be able to have jurisdiction because of her health issues, blah, blah, blah. Even though he didn't physically do it, I could see the MM mentally rolling his eyes. As she never took a breath during the whole 6-7 minute rant, he was unable to get a word in, even after several attempts. He finally flat out interrupted her and said, "These are all things you can discuss with the GAL." He was probably thanking his lucky stars he had just assigned a GAL. Our attorney stated to the MM that of course we had rebuttal statements for the allegations she was making, but that this was obviously not the time to bring them before the MM. I swear the MM smirked the smallest of smirks and stated that DH's right to rebuttal would be ensured. MM then closed the hearing and walked out. Oh, happy day!
What makes us overjoyed is that we are sure BM is sitting there already thining of all the things she is going to tell the GAL. She is going to be so worked up by the time she talks to the GAL she is going to come off as completely off her rocker. She can't help herself.
She is going to drag up things from 10 years ago, from even before their separation, that has nothing to do with the boys' welfare now. She can't help herself.
Just as she leaves messages contradicting herself all the time, she will be unable to have a conversation with the GAL without doing that. She can't help herself.
Just as she (usually) starts off a conversation calm, she works herself up to the point that she is screaming/crying/cursing by the end. She can't help herself.
Hope this GAL is ready - it is going to be quite a ride. Finally, someone to share the chaos with ; )
Pretrial Conference will be scheduled within 90 days, so shortly after Winter Break. Do you think she can be on her best behavior for the whole 12 days of their visit (I bet not!). By the conference the GAL's report should be done, and we'll see where we stand. It should all be sorted out by summer, and DH is seriously considering asking for the boys to only go out there for half of the summer, since both of them have complained about the whole summer thing in counseling. We'll see.
We're hoping things will continue to be quiet, as we haven't heard a peep from her since she was served, but old habits die hard, and I'm sure she'll have to vent to DH about something!
It will also be interesting to see how she handles this with the boys. We didn't say anything to them about going back to court, but after she was served, she felt the need to call the boys and tell them that DH was trying to kill her (you know, stress and all those medical conditions). The boys came out of their room pissed and let us know what she said. SS1 also said she wouldn't be able to send him the birthday money she promised him because she needed to get a lawyer (funny, she appeared pro se today), and didn't even send him a birthday card. SS2 told us that BM had interrogated him almost daily for the rest of the summer about whether he had told DH about the emergency room visit, and he was getting tired of having to lie and tell her no, because he just wanted the rest of the visit to go smooth. I am sure that she will not be able to go for any length of time without telling the boys about the GAL, and what things they should "remember" to tell the GAL. I'm sure that won't make the GAL happy and I know it won't make the boys happy to have to listen to her regurgitate every hateful thing she has ever said to them about DH.
Whew - that was a lot. I'll keep you posted on any new developments : )
Who We Are
- dragonmctt, stepmom
- dh, custodial father
- ss1, 19 yrs old
- ss2, 16 yrs old
October 29, 2008
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6 comments:
Very glad to hear that the hearing went well. Glad to hear about the GAL, too. Hopefully whoever that will be will be willing and able to see through the craziness that is BM and make recommendations for what really IS in the best interests of the kiddos.
I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Thanks - I know there is always a chance the GAL could be completely snowed by BM, but BM can't keep herself coherent long enough to get out anything that makes any sense, so we're hopeful that the odds of that will be pretty low.
Almost forgot - the boys had mentioned that BM had moved last week, but of course she didn't notify us or the court. MM asked her to confirm her address, and lo and behold, it was something new. We had a feeling she had moved already, because we have been trying to FedEx her info about SS2's dental care and SS1's vision (yup, another one of those harassing letters!) and it has been undeliverable. So tomorrow I'll call FedEx with the new info.
He then asked her to confirm her phone number and asked her if it was a land line phone. She had to say no, it was a cell. It was all I could do to stop from rolling off the chair laughing, because if you've been reading for a while, you'll remember that she was having a fit earlier this year because we only used cell phones and Skype. Ahhh, I feel the stranglehold loosening already!
Good to hear the hearing went well. I've been checking for updates :-)
I find myself the constant topic of conversation in court hearings too. It's bizarre, coming from someone who claims I don't belong, yet can't stop talking about me.
Glad to see you're back and that the hearing went well.
Remember this... the GAL is there to represent the CHILD. S/he is not there to represent you or your PEW. The child only.
Yes, I've read horror stories about GALs all the time, but it is up to you guys to calmly, rationally keep them on point. The moment you see them tilting away from their responsibility (yes, only if tilting towards "representing" the mother) - they need to be reminded in some way of their responsibility. They are not there to entertain rants about you or vice-versa. They are not there to mediate for either of you.
They are there for that child (even if we have read stories regarding them deviating from that reality).
Stay cool and don't use this as an opportunity to BURY the GAL with documentation and proof and evidence and stories right out of the gate. Answer questions asked... volunteer information when a situation presents that opportunity.
GOOD LUCK!
As an extra note... noticeably absent from the order are the words "REQUIRED TO BE IN WRITING. ANY AGREEMENTS AND NOTIFICATIONS NOT IN WRITING WILL BE TREATED AS IF THEY DIDN'T OCCUR" (or similar language).
That's a loophole your PEW will exploit. So, get ready.
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